Weekend work related fun-ness

Last week a client reported a drama with one of my databases. She claimed it had lost data. I offered to look into it over the long weekend.

Luckily we have technolgy which enables us to use any internet connected PC to connect to our office workstations and use them as though we were in front of them.

Furthermore, our work PC's allow those with permissions to take over the control of any other PC on the company network. Hence, from sitting here on my deck I can effetively access any one of the tens of thousands of PC's on our network.

Only of course, if they're turned on.

The dumb bint that reported the drama had switched hers off. I tried various IP addresses in a similar range but none of them had access to the drive I needed.

After about a dozen or so attempts I decided to get a bit naughty. After all, it's a long weekend and no one would be utilising the power at our disposal.

I chained together the server farms in Brisbane, Sydney and Perth and dedicated the entire processing power into one task. A brute force attack on our sysadmins password.

My home PC isn't too badly spec'd but this would have taken an estimated 6 days. Chuck 30 industry strength servers at the drama and suddenly within 6 minutes there's no longer an issue.

I logged in as sysadmin, mapped the drive I needed and extracted the files I required. The results were unshocking. We employ shadowing on our drives so I was able to recover copies of the file from today back to the day the drama occured.

On the 11th of Jan she deleted the records in question. My database didn't drop them, SHE DELETED THEM. I know this because she made a half arsed attempt to cover her tracks. She didn't realise I have what I refer to as "My Secret Squirrel" A redundant copy of every record entered. The two don't match up.

I don't know what she was thinking when she deleted them, and gods only know she made a poor effort at covering her tracks. I can restore everything, but the point is, she tried to blame ME. So the moral dilema is, do I just fix it for her or do I shrug and walk away?

I thought everyone at my company had got the hint by now - DO NOT INCURE THE WRATH OF THE POMMIE DATABASE GUY! HIS SOFTWARE CALCULATES YOUR WAGES!

I guess I've answered my own question. She's too ugly to root so I guess someones getting a pay cut this week. Good job she'll be putting in plenty of over time re-entering that data eh?

Ooops. Did someone overwrite the record showing overtime as time and a half? Dang.

Yeah. I know I'm a cunt.

Guess what?

So. Hung. Over.

That is almost all. Aussie Aussie Aussie!

So FUCKING Proud

I've lived in three continents and many homes. I've been happy in all of them. Nothing however compares to here.

Today is AUSTRALIA DAY and I feel honoured to be here. Things with tt didn't work but she gave me the best gift ever - an insite into Australia.

To see so many people being so patriotic brought tears to my eyes. Literally. Straylia, I love you, we're never gonna be apart. I'm dying here. To any Aussie readers, GO ON! BE PROUD, BE AUSSIE, BE THE BEST! AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE! If you're really good, "QUEENSLANDER!"

So proud. Thanks for having me Straylia.....Thanks for the introduction tt. Thank you QLD, you're the fucking best.

Sad news

Every now and again I mention H. She's such a dear friend we've now adopted each other as bro and sis.

She told me today about some very sad news that's just happened. This is the downside of living 10 000 miles away from friends and family. All I want to do is give her a hug.

I ask you all to give her a thought and send her positive thoughts during this sad time for her.

Huge hugs H (pud). Thinking of you x

My life

A few nights ago I was chatting with Ms. Lost on IM and I mentioned that I had an idea for a post that could be used as a meme.

Basically, list years from 2007 to earliest you can remember and next to each year write down what you remember most from that year. But keep it as limited as possible, not a life story. People may ask you for more info on something whih gives you subject for future posts. Here's what I mean. Pls join in. Consider yourselves "tagged". (How do I do that btw?!)

2007 - 31 - Peru trip with tt, UK/Eurotrip with S

2006 - 30 - Moving to Aus, started blog

2005 - 29 - Physically meeting tt in Aus, Eurotrip with tt

2004 - 28 - Met N, My company nominated for big award

2003 - 27 - My nan died :( - I rushed my dad to the hospital and got tangled with police but we still didn't arrive in time :(

2002 - 26 - Met tt online, Travelled to SA and Carribean, formed my third company

2001 - 25 - Lost huge amount of weight, travelled with work.

2000 - 24 - Met Jas, Progressed from temp worker to software development manager in 2 months. Got irate at people claiming the y2k was a hoax. Grr! We just fucking fixed it ok?!

1999 - 23 - Neice born, split with first serious g/f, My dog dies :(

1998 - 22 - Grandad died :(, Quit first real job and formed my first company

1997 - 21 - Wild years of sex, drugs and rock and roll, I remember very random threesomes, meeting tartantula on a trike.

1996 - 20 - wild years of sex, drugs and rock and roll, Playing pool, scrapping, running away, being bad.

1995 - 19 - First own house, First real job in IT, first holiday on own overseas

1994 - 18 - Met H, Started dating first serious g/f, started smoking :(

1993 - 17 - Passed driving test - gained freedom. First legal barjob

1992 - 16 - Graduated high school with good results. Sailed all summer

1991 - 15 - Suspended from high shool - embarrasing

1990 - 14 - Learnt about bullying - defend yourselves people, school friend comitted suicide :(

1989 - 13 - Learnt french the best way - going there for a bit and spending evenings in bars

1988 - 12 - Quit last year of previous school, took time in france, then started high school, met Dr. Ips

1987 - 11 - Rocked the school with a satire mock script of the class teacher, Got my dog!

1986 - 10 - First IT job (for Halliburton)

1985 - 9 - First encounter with police

1984 - 8 - Arm broken by school bully

1983 - 7 - Other grandparents died :(

1982 - 6 - Ran away from school cos hated new teacher

1981 - 5 - Started school

1980 - 4 - First bully encounter - had jelly cube stolen at preschool

1979 - 3 - Operation on my eyes which hurt lots

1978 - 2 - Can't remember

1977 - 1 - Can't remember

1976 - 0 - Born

As you'll realise, it's pretty hard to summarise your life. Fun though, I found. And the best bit? I don't regret a fucking thing! (With exception to the mentioned passing aways - bless all of them, they're fondly remembered always)

Owwie

I just swallowed a little piece of tooth as I chipped it. Now I'm gonna bite meself on the arse. Great.

Bread

Dykewife knows everything every mum should know. She'll know the answer to this but I'd value other peoples ideas:

Where in the kitchen should bread be stored? (Hint: Pomms have bread bins)

Cooking like a shiela

I put a cheese sarny in the toaster the other night. Then a friend called from Ireland. Dr Oopyp Enis in fact, a regular commenter.

Cos of cold I didn't smell it burning. Two hours later I took this out....

To show just exactly how burnt it was, I dropped it onto concrete from waist height. This happened.

Now erase this from your memory.

Shock. Big Surprise

I miss tt.

For the last week or so it's been gnawing at me that something is wrong.

How is it possible to miss someone 9 months after split?

I guess the fact I have a tat to remind me of her partially answers that. She moved me to 'Straylia. I love this place. I've never been so proud of anywhere.

Anyone that can look this good after 4 days hiking the Inca trail has to be pretty fucking awesome

Dont worry bout me, I'll be fucking hard as diamond come tomorrow. Guaranteed.

A walky

I didn't go into work until late today. I was feeling a bit better on the cold front but I was feeling a little bit beaten up. I wonder why?

When I did make it in I had a funny email. The only person I really dislike has been sacked for "Inapropriate interaction with co-workers". I read the email and giggled. Then I read it again and giggled some more. Then I went to my boss and said "Hey, did you know Dennis has been sacked?" Boss asked who Dennis was.

I shuffled feet a little and said "You remember, that guy I kinda didn't get on with? Down in NSW?" Boss says "Ah. The one you told to 'suck your boy bits' and then told his breathing was a 'waste of oxygen'? The one who's boss I had to call to justify your response?"

Umm. Yeah. That's the one.

Anyhoo, I still wasn't feeling shit hot so I left a bit after that. I went for a walk about. I took some photos cos I promised to post more pics.

I found the (Trees) amusing. And the sorry for any inconvenience. Man I needed a tree today.


This is a pretty flower in my garden. I'm in touch with my female side.

Then I found a mushroom outside my place. Bloody mushroom in Aus. Wow.

Yeah, Spider next to my ute. Big here eh?

This beetle was about 2cm round. It was like a giant lady bird.

Finally, it happened....

I got beaten up. Sort of. I think I have a bust nose.

Desipte my weekend I decided to pop out tonight.

I went to a place called Birdee Num Num. I like it there cos it's a back packer place and I get to chat with poeple from all over the world.

Tonight though, it went wrong. There were some Irish guys in. I was talking away to an Italian chick when one of the Irish barged in. I didn't mind. It was obvious he was drunk. I stood up, but very casually. When Italian girl asked him to give her some space (he was right in her face) I helped him stagger backwards.

His mates saw this, thought I was abusing him, and it all went pear shaped. They were just waiting for any excuse.

Number 1 got a classic beckon and haymaker.
Number two ducked that but got a left hand back fist.
Number three was about to get a haymaker when 4 grabbed be from behind. Fuckers.

It was the shock of that that allowed number 3 to get in a good punch right to my face central. My nose kinda exploded. Number 4 still kept hold of me so 3 could line up a kick. I knew that would do me in so I relaxed everything. 4 couldn't hold a dead weight and he came down with me.

I gave him an awful left elbow to face. Harder than I should have. I feel worse about that that anything. The pain from my face and literally seeing blood just made me lose my normal control.

3 reached for pocket and I thought he was going for a knife or worse. So I stopped him. His arm isn't going to be much use for a while.

I feel awful now, but I just didn't want to be stabbed or hurt any more.

Going bed now. Sad.

Fuck up your life!

Umm. I are bad.

On Friday I crashed a neighbours party. I vaguely recall swimming clothed (allbeit just boardies) at around 4am. I think. I vaguely recall looking at my watch at 5.30am before falling into bed.

I definately recall work calling me at fucking 6.40 on the saturday morning. Fuckwits. I deterred them ("Can't talk, sleeping" - turn off phone) and fell asleep until 8.45.

I called the worky peoples back and done genuine real work for a couple of hours. Then got busy with IM. Then some wine happened. Then I spent about a million calling people in UK and getting calls back. Suddenly it was 7am on Sunday morning.

I kipped until 9 and then got up and headed into the city. 5 hours sleep since waking on friday am and it's now sunday evening. 5 hours sleep, 60 hours playing. It cant be good.

Swearing on facebook

I have a facebook account which is rarely used. I happened to check it today and discover that S had reported me as person she knows most likely to be able to swear in 12 languages. Nice to think she thinks so highly of me eh? :) Anyhoo, it made me think.

Here ya go:

1. Encule toi - fuck you, french
2. Schiesse kopf - shit head, german
3. Moni - Cunt, greek/cypriot slang
4. Toto - cunt, Spanish/Peruvian slang
5. Foder - fuck, portuguese
6. Ganni Nang - Fucker, Chinese
7. Poslip - cunt, Afrikaans
8. Chudda - Fuck, Urdo
9. Neuk kop - Fuck head, Dutch
10. Baka yarou - fuck you, Japanese
11. Canada - Shithole, American English
12. US - Shithole, Canadian English
13. Paris Hilton - whore, Australian English

Please excuse spelling, strangely enough I don't think I've ever had to write those out before. I'm sure I'll think of more later but it's not a bad start. I know some Polish insults but I can't recall any just now.

Chinese lettering tattoo

Like many of you, I use a tool to monitor my blog stats. This means I can tell what search words people typed into google to stumble upon my site. Recently, since this post, I've had LOADS (like over 80%) of my hits from Chinese Lettering.

I feel a little guilty for the people clicking the google link and finding that I'm just taking the piss so I've made the effort this time.

It took hours of research but I've finally found a chinese lettering tattoo I think you should get. It kinda means "Leave me as you find me" which is nice isn't it? It also sort of means "Help yourself rather than seeking the guidance of others" Here you go: Enjoy.

As cunning as a fox with a degree in cunning from cunning university

Ever wished you could chuck a sicky without putting on that lame "I've got a cold" voice?

Well, today you learn how. And it's not tough.

Things you need
Chili sauce. I recommend "Aussie Ring Sting" or "Blurter Hurter"

Snack food. Eg. Chips or crackers

Tweezers

Cold rub (Vicks? Anything that smells strong)

Lack of sleep



Procedure
Utilise lack of sleep. Staying up late and chatting on messenger is a good way to achieve this.

Next morning, go to work. In car park pour generous amounts of chili sauce on snack and consume. This creates clammy sweat, red eyes and runny nose. You may want to take the bottle in with you.

Apply cold rub. The smell instantly suggests you're ill but doing your best to fix yourself.

Even more cunning bit: In privacy of own cubicle / hiding under your desk, use tweezers to pluck nose hairs. This causes involuntary sneezing.

Repeat above for half an hour. Ensure that you chat to as many people while sniffing/wiping nose as possible. The very skilled will learn how to pluck a hair and hold the sneeze for up to 30 seconds. This is a great chance to get yourself as near to a despised coworker/boss and sneeze on them.

Say to the boss "I'm not feeling over great. Can I work from home today please?" and savour the look of relief on their face.

Let me know how you go....

First aussie road rage incident

Yesterday I left work a bit early. I drove along the three lane hi-way to my suburb. As we got close I needed to move to the left lane. Traffic was minimal so I mirror, signal and......nope. No manouvre. Cos there's a prick that's coming up beside me. I slow. He slows. I speed up. He speeds up.

Incase he thinks I've just left my signal on (yeah, right!) I cancel it. I drop back and signal again. He slows. He's driving a shitty little yaka-hama-zuki piece of shit and he has three friends shoe-horned onboard to point and laugh at my efforts to change lane.

I give him one more chance. I accelerate well ahead and signal lane change. He zooms up the inside. I check he's got space to move to and I change lane. He goes apeshit. I guess it's not nice being in a car with about as much bravado as the French army and having 2 tons of ute bearing down on ya. Fuck him. He started it.

I then moved to the far left lane without drama and 1km or so down the road I signalled to make my turn. They took this chance to roar up my arse and then swerve at the last minute while all four were giving me the bird. I was actually quite impressed. But also a little annoyed as I hadn't done a thing wrong.

Instead of turning left I chucked a u-ey around the central road marker and got straight on their tail. At the next intersection the lights were red. I pulled up close behind them. Real close. Like 1cm close. I didn't want them to panic and try a rear ram. I figured I had about 11 seconds before the lights changed.

I rummaged for cigarettes for about 5 seconds. I slowly took one out, lit it and only then put the ute in neutral. I opened the door and watched as the guys two passengers in the rear completely shit themselves. As I put a foot on the road the lights changes and they were GONE.

It was perfect. I didn't want to have any interaction with the guys, I just wanted them to shit themselves. I think I achieved that.

Planes, trains, autombiles #2

So. I left it where I'd landed in Brunei. The guy across the aisle on the plane had just poked me.
As my bleary eyes refocused and my body went into aggression mode (I'm not good first thing in the mornings) I kinda growled "What?"

He cheerfully said "You slept the whole flight! How did you manage that? I wish I could sleep on flights!"

He was so jovial and I'm so grumpy in the mornings I just paused. I looked at him and realised he was wearing a penguin suit - not literally dressed as an Arctic bird but wearing a proper black suit, white shirt, bow tie, etc. "Why are you dressed that way?" I ask him. He just laughs and enquires again how I slept so well. I'm still feeling dazed so I ask again why he's dressed like a freak. He sits back slightly and I then notice a chick in full bridal dress sat next to him.

It turns out they'd just got married (No shit, eh?) and this flight was taking them on a four week honeymoon around the UK.

We got chatting and by the time we pulled up at the terminal I'd explained my plans of taking a taxi tour of Brunei and they'd explained there plans of finding a cheap hotel to consumate their marriage. Who can blame them? We did have a 16 hour transit ahead and I'd rather he took care of business in a hotel room.

I bid them farewell after passport control and went outside to find a taxi. I waited. And waited. And waited. An hour later they emerged from the airport (Bride was Chinese and needed a visa). They explained they'd been talking in the queue and decided a tour of Brunei would be better than shagging in a hotel which they could do anytime, anywhere.

I explained that there seemed to be a shortage of taxis and the guy, Davo, went off to investigate. He returned 10 minutes later and said he'd been to tourist information. It was a public holiday in Brunei but a bus was due at 9am which took people on a 2 hour tour for $20. We got some brekky and waited for that. The tour was pretty good but we really didn't want
to head back to the airport at 11am and wait another 12 hours for our flight. We asked the driver to drop us in the city and said we'd get a taxi back.

Then he dropped a minor bombshell.

Guess how many taxis there are in Brunei? The whole of the country?

Bet you're wrong.

I bet you're still wrong, lower it some more.

8.

I kid you not, a whole 8. No wonder I'd waited so bloody long for one at the airport!
However, the tour bus driver was willing to take $20 to come and collect us from the city centre about 4pm. Nice man.

I spent the next to flights with Davo and bride, we got on well. On the final leg he explained that he was heading for Watford and that they were planning to get a train. He knew I had a hire car waiting and was going to drive past Watford on my way home. While I was more than happy to give them a lift I explained that the car I'd hired was of minimum size so it may be a struggle to fit three of us, plus xmas baggage into it. He offered to pay for an upgrade so we headed for the car hire desk in London.

Luckily I'd booked the car through a friend that works for the hire company and he'd wangled me a massive upgrade. I drove home in a high class car rather than an economy one. It's true what they say, it's not what you know, it's who you know.

The drive to Watford and home was pretty uneventful apart from a stop off to see a very good friend en route.

Now, onto trains...

On the first day of my trip I took a train to the local city. We bought return tickets. On the way back the ticket inspector didn't even bother to show his face. What a bloody rip. I felt dirty.

A few days later I had to get a train from the city to my home town. This used to cost 3.60GBP. Imagine my reaction when the guy asked for 5GBP. And on a Sunday! In Brissy public transport is cheaper at weekends! I told him I only wanted a single ticket, not shares in the company. He grumpily replied "It's 5 and if you give me any more of that I'll report you for abuse of staff." Fuck. It's cunts like that who make me SO happy I now live 10000 miles away.

That put me off trains.

Automobiles

When the sad day came for me to leave the UK I'd booked a hire car through my mate again. I took him a couple of packets of cigars as thanks for the upgrades and savings. So far as his company know I'm his brother.

I picked up the vehicle and rather than being given a key it was a thick credit card kind of affair. Rental guy gave me a run down that basically consisted of getting in the car with me, saying "Read that", and pointing at the scrolling text on a screen on the dash.

"Insert card" it said. Hmm. Rental guy pointed to a recess in the dash board. Just over towards the passenger side. Hmm.

Obvious. Who'd put it in the traditional ignition key area?

"Depress brake pedal" scroll screen said. I got down and told it it's mum had died and it was about to have it's house repossessed. Nothing happened so I told it all radio stations have elected to play nothing but Paris Hilton records. It became depressed.

The scrolly thing then told me to "Depress brake pedal" I done that.

"Press Start" it says. Fuck me. Did Bill Gates have something to do with designing this car? I press start and all is good. It goes like a normal car. I drive home to say bye to parents. On the way I decide to stop at the clifftop for a smoko. The car kindly tells me how to stop it's engine. When I don't it warns me after about a minute that I'm producing carbon emissions and don't appear to be moving. I turn the fucking thing off before it lectures me anymore.

I then need to open the window. Umm. Dead. In a normal car you can turn the ignition key to step 1 or 2 to gain access to such facilities. How do you do that with card car? Couldn't fucking answer me that one could it? So I start it up, lower the window, and turn it off again. Then start lecturing it that it's just caused more of a carbon foot print cos it couldn't tell me how to open the fucking window without turning it fully on.

At this point I realised I was ranting at a car and felt silly. But at least I was right and it was wrong.

Dreading stalling at a junction on the M25 I took it down to London Heathrow. Along the way I couldn't help thinking why they'd done this to a car? I wonder how many drivers had actually called th manufacturer and said "You know? That deal with putting a key into the ignition and turning is so difficult"? I mean, I find it tough but I keep a handy guide with me at all times:

"Insert key, turn" incase I forget.

I think this was definitely a step too far.

Planes revisited

The journey back was less eventful. Unless you consider arriving at Heathrow airport to be told your ticket is not valid. You should have been on yesterdays flight. Sorry sir, you gotta book and pay again. Hmmm. Glad I printed that docket. The long and heated conversation that followed can be summarised thus:

Me: "Your problem, you sort it"
Them: [almost an hour later] "Yes sir. Sorry sir."

We hit big turbulence somewhere near the middle east. The guy two rows ahead of me obviously didn't go a lot on Allahs plane saving skills so he shit himself instead.

Literally.

The gangway chicks fixed him up with clean pants but he still made the place smell bad for the remaining hour and a half before Dubai.

For some reason I didn't care too much.

Hypothetical situation

Yeah, this is out of sequence....Dont like that? Well suck my boy bits and get on with it....

You know there's now a global limit of 100ml liquids, gels or
pastes to be carried into the cabin of any plane? And that
it's not the volume of liquid, gel or paste, it's the volume
of the container?

So you can't take on board (or through security) an almost
finished bottle of coke or even an empty one. The container
volume is 700ml so it's not allowed.

Well, imagine hypothetially that you'd just arrived at one of
the worlds busiest airports and discovered a 300ml bottle of
vodka in your hand baggage after checking in your main hold
baggage. What on earth would you do? Throw it away and wait
for a drinky on the plane?

Yes. That would be wise.

But hang on! Imagine it was a dry flight! One where alcohol
is banned so there's no chance of wetting the whistle on
board. Then what?

Wow. I'd sure hate to be in that position. But if I was I
think this is what I'd do:

- Buy a bottle of water from an airport shop. Visit the dunny.

- Empty boring water and replace with fun provoking vodka.

- Empty all pockets of ANYTHING metal, you wouldn't want to be
patted down.

- Place all other liquids, gels etc. into issued bag. Put
bottle of "water" into back pocket of jeans and pull out
shirt to cover it.

- In every queue reherse a shocked look and "ooh! forgot that
was there! Can I finish it before I board?"

- Proceed to security, boarding and onto the plane.

I think that may work. Only guessing of course. As I said
to the stewardess, "I'm not as think as you drunk I am..."

Plains, Trains and automobiles

Brisbane airport was great as ever. I had a rather large and fragile package to take to the UK so I had to check that in seperately at "Oversize and Fragile" checkin. The lady looked at my boarding pass and questioned in a surprised kind of tone "Royal Brunei Airlines?" I confirmed and this happened:

Checkin Chick: "I'll send this on a Qantas flight that will arrive the day before yours. It will probably be safer that way"

Me: "Ummm. Safer?"

CC: [Nervous giggle] "Well, you know what I mean, our guys handle baggage with respect"

Me: "I dont think you're telling me everything here! I'm pretty fragile. Can you send me on the Quantas flight too?"

So, with that boosting my confidence, together with the boarding gate staff saying "Oh. Your ticket was booked for yesterday but we've fitted you in today" (when I had a printed confirmation for today), I board the plane.

I can't criticise the plane. Except it was a 767 and I prefer 747s. But anyhoo, I can't complain about things that petty to hardly any airlines nowadays.

The next confidence boost wasn't far away.

During the safety demo one of the chicks couldn't find her safety equipment. For jebus sake, this thing is rehearsed! If you can't find it when you do it 3 times a day how are the hell are the passengers supposed to find the fucking thing?!

If the plane "landed on water" she would have been buggered. No life jacket for her. In the event of "Cabin depressurization" she would have been buggered. No oxygen mask for her. Still at least she MUST have confidence that "After fitting your own mask you may help others".

Believe me, it got better. As we were taxing (taxiing? taxi-ing?) toward the runway we were deafened by an announcement, first in Malaysian and then in English "The pilot wishes this flight to be blessed by Allah. We pray"

Fucking hell!

The pilot wants to pray for a safe flight? The safety chick is drowning after losing oxygen and falling out of the plane over the ocean? What hell chance do we have?! Hang on, I'll check the safety sheet "located in the pocket of the seat in front me" - oh wait - there isn't one. Shocker huh?

Fortunately I'd been out for a meal with S before the flight and had a couple of beers. And it was 2am. I was ready to sleep and sleep I did.

I only woke briefly twice during the flight. Both times because of turbulence. Not the movement of the aircraft but because both times it happened, guess what?

THE FUCKING PILOT STARTED PRAYING TO ALLAH OVER THE FUCKING TANNOY!

Please, let no one be offended by my comments. I'm very much a "an' it harm none, do as ye will" person. I couldn't give a hoot if he was praying to God, Buddha or Shrek, but believe me, the fact the PILOT is praying out loud to an aircraft full of passengers is never a "feel good" or " I heart flying" thing.

I finally woke when the pilot thumped the aircraft into the runway at Brunei breaking hurting my spine in three places. I slowly woke because a guy across the aisle was prodding me - to be continued....

"Planes Trains and Automobiles" was planned to be one post. But this will go on too long. Next installment will probbly finish it and then I can move onto other stories.

On another note, I was ripped today. I finally remembered to buy mozzie coils and although they smell the same as my normal brand to me they obviously smell like sex juices to mozzies because the fuckers are swarming me right now and it's been burning next to me for over an hour. Bah.

New year revolutions

Yeah, I know it's supposed to be resolutions but I'll probbly turn it around so that more sense to me...

#1 Improve my health

#2 Update my linky bits

#3 Use more photos in blog

#4 Copy Vuboqs resolution of regular house cleaning

I think 4 is more than enough especially as #2 is done. But I'm keeping it cos I want to monitor final linky bit which I'm sus about. I'm not sure if I like it or not (as you can tell by the hinty bit if you hover your mouse pointer over it) I also want to add more. I requested help with this but most of you said "All mine are good" which I don't have time to check. You have to tell me your favourite blog people!

#1 has kinda begun. I've just been shopping and bought lots of good stuff. It will begin more seriously tomorrow and crank up to full speed with exercise regimes etc in place within a couple of weeks. If I do it too quick I'll decide it's too much change and not do it properly.

#3 will be actioned immediately, I'm now going to find the various leads/adapters used to transfer photos from my camera and phone and put them in an easily accessible place. And as I bought S a camera for Christmas I'll have mine with me more often.

#4 is starting on Monday. I'm going to search the classified for a cleaner that charges under $40 per hour and she can do all that for $80 per week! 'kin bargain eh? My mother says I'm lazy but why should I spend my time doing that when I could be earning money by staying an extra half hour at work and get the same free time? Duh. Woman logic.

I be home

G'day people. Seasons greeting, happy New Year, Blessed be, etc.

I'm home. I've not posted for a while but it's only cos I've been carefully checking my pre-written comments and making them tip-top for your reading pleasure.

If you believe that then you'd better duck, there's a fucking pig flying right towards you, no wait, it's an honest copper. Oh well, same difference/likelihood....

I'll not write a thousand blog entries to cover the last couple of weeks, I'll compound them into a few posts with tid-bids pulled from the two weeks. One will be entitled "Friends and Family", one will be entitled "Planes, Trains and Automobiles", the final will be "Places and Activities". Between them they should cover everything I need to tell you about the two weeks. And I've got all day tomorrow with nothing to do other than unpack, restock my house, read 2 weeks post, do some work I've already timesheeted, investigate a potential radiator leak on the ute, and generally get prepared for my first day back at work on Monday.

So I should have plenty of time to write at least one or two of the posts. Notwithstanding jet lag. But I'm good with jet lag, and I'll cover that in the "Planes... "post. See? I'm thinking of content already!

Seriously, I've loads of stuff to share but I know I'll forget lots so expect to be reminded of this vaykay for a while yet.

Just for now, here's something. I got sent a link on youtube. It was actually something pretty boring and I stopped watching it about 4 mins into the 12. I skipped to see if it got any better and it didn't. I then clicked on one of the linked videos. That was better. The links from that were even better. Four clicks later I found a good fun video.

But the thing is, although it was rather adult in nature (You wouldn't be able to watch it at work), the thing that got me was the music playing in the background. The sound quality was shit. I hear murmurs..... "No shit? Bad sound on youtube?!" But I jest not - it was fucking awful. I could hear it well enough to know I liked and hadn't previously heard it, but not quite enough to hear many lyrics.

The ones I could decipher I googled. No avail but lots of close leads including some that I'm going to download because the lyrics fitted the tune well and sound interesting.

I finally found it by reading the comments on the video. At about comment 80 of 120 someone revealed the name of the song because so many people had asked about it. I found the lyrics and after reading them I like the song even more. I can't wait for it to download now and I'm going to ask my German friend to post me a real copy. Apparently the band is German although I've not even googled them yet.

It just said they were planning to invade Poland next...

I joke!

The lyrics represent something to me that I've never mentioned on here, but I'm sure a few of you may have been caught in a similar situation.

I like it and I'll find a link in due course:

I am amused
You seem to love me
But be reserved
Before you huff me

I'm used to winners
I need the fame
And if you touched me
You'd be my shame

Your childish dreams are all in vain
To me your kind is all the same

A starlit sky
Of black and silver is my core
My last goodbye
Makes you want me even more
For silver is my fame
Black is my name

I am a queen
And if you creep
I'll push my blade
Still-water-deep

I am a dream
A fairy-tale
Your endless quest
Your holy grail

Thanks so much for your confusion
I will be your lost illusion

Deep inside
The silver shines as black as can be
My disguise
The wolf among the sheep, you want me
To me your kind is all the same
To me your kind is all the same

Now I just need something to replace the line "I am a queen". Perhaps "I am a Dean"? Or "I am a bean"? Oh no, got it! "I am a have been"! That works for me.

PS. I just googled the name of the song together with youtube and the video didn't show. If any of you crafty fuckers try to find which video I was watching, please don't think it was the couple that came up in my search! For a give away, they don't have any music playing in them. And they're a bit "special" even for my weird tastes....