Plains, Trains and automobiles

Brisbane airport was great as ever. I had a rather large and fragile package to take to the UK so I had to check that in seperately at "Oversize and Fragile" checkin. The lady looked at my boarding pass and questioned in a surprised kind of tone "Royal Brunei Airlines?" I confirmed and this happened:

Checkin Chick: "I'll send this on a Qantas flight that will arrive the day before yours. It will probably be safer that way"

Me: "Ummm. Safer?"

CC: [Nervous giggle] "Well, you know what I mean, our guys handle baggage with respect"

Me: "I dont think you're telling me everything here! I'm pretty fragile. Can you send me on the Quantas flight too?"

So, with that boosting my confidence, together with the boarding gate staff saying "Oh. Your ticket was booked for yesterday but we've fitted you in today" (when I had a printed confirmation for today), I board the plane.

I can't criticise the plane. Except it was a 767 and I prefer 747s. But anyhoo, I can't complain about things that petty to hardly any airlines nowadays.

The next confidence boost wasn't far away.

During the safety demo one of the chicks couldn't find her safety equipment. For jebus sake, this thing is rehearsed! If you can't find it when you do it 3 times a day how are the hell are the passengers supposed to find the fucking thing?!

If the plane "landed on water" she would have been buggered. No life jacket for her. In the event of "Cabin depressurization" she would have been buggered. No oxygen mask for her. Still at least she MUST have confidence that "After fitting your own mask you may help others".

Believe me, it got better. As we were taxing (taxiing? taxi-ing?) toward the runway we were deafened by an announcement, first in Malaysian and then in English "The pilot wishes this flight to be blessed by Allah. We pray"

Fucking hell!

The pilot wants to pray for a safe flight? The safety chick is drowning after losing oxygen and falling out of the plane over the ocean? What hell chance do we have?! Hang on, I'll check the safety sheet "located in the pocket of the seat in front me" - oh wait - there isn't one. Shocker huh?

Fortunately I'd been out for a meal with S before the flight and had a couple of beers. And it was 2am. I was ready to sleep and sleep I did.

I only woke briefly twice during the flight. Both times because of turbulence. Not the movement of the aircraft but because both times it happened, guess what?

THE FUCKING PILOT STARTED PRAYING TO ALLAH OVER THE FUCKING TANNOY!

Please, let no one be offended by my comments. I'm very much a "an' it harm none, do as ye will" person. I couldn't give a hoot if he was praying to God, Buddha or Shrek, but believe me, the fact the PILOT is praying out loud to an aircraft full of passengers is never a "feel good" or " I heart flying" thing.

I finally woke when the pilot thumped the aircraft into the runway at Brunei breaking hurting my spine in three places. I slowly woke because a guy across the aisle was prodding me - to be continued....

"Planes Trains and Automobiles" was planned to be one post. But this will go on too long. Next installment will probbly finish it and then I can move onto other stories.

On another note, I was ripped today. I finally remembered to buy mozzie coils and although they smell the same as my normal brand to me they obviously smell like sex juices to mozzies because the fuckers are swarming me right now and it's been burning next to me for over an hour. Bah.