As cunning as a fox with a degree in cunning from cunning university

Ever wished you could chuck a sicky without putting on that lame "I've got a cold" voice?

Well, today you learn how. And it's not tough.

Things you need
Chili sauce. I recommend "Aussie Ring Sting" or "Blurter Hurter"

Snack food. Eg. Chips or crackers

Tweezers

Cold rub (Vicks? Anything that smells strong)

Lack of sleep



Procedure
Utilise lack of sleep. Staying up late and chatting on messenger is a good way to achieve this.

Next morning, go to work. In car park pour generous amounts of chili sauce on snack and consume. This creates clammy sweat, red eyes and runny nose. You may want to take the bottle in with you.

Apply cold rub. The smell instantly suggests you're ill but doing your best to fix yourself.

Even more cunning bit: In privacy of own cubicle / hiding under your desk, use tweezers to pluck nose hairs. This causes involuntary sneezing.

Repeat above for half an hour. Ensure that you chat to as many people while sniffing/wiping nose as possible. The very skilled will learn how to pluck a hair and hold the sneeze for up to 30 seconds. This is a great chance to get yourself as near to a despised coworker/boss and sneeze on them.

Say to the boss "I'm not feeling over great. Can I work from home today please?" and savour the look of relief on their face.

Let me know how you go....