Did someone say Christmas is approaching?

Yep. It's that time again. Get ready to gorge yourselves stupid, be nice to people you hate, fill your house with tacky sparkly things, listen to school kids screech tunelessly to "christmas carols", etc. Yep. My middle name is Scrooge. Before you complain to me, allow me first proclaim a loud "BAH!!! HUMBUG!"

Sorry, old habits die hard. I've hated christmas for years but for some reason I'm actually looking forward to it this year. Perhaps it's because it's so different in Aus to the UK. Or perhaps it's because I have a huge pile of pressies for TT. I can't wait to see her open them. She's going to love them.

She's dying to open them and it's really hard for me to stop her but I know I must. I'm so excited though! I guess this is what having a child is like. They say children make the magic of Christmas don't they?

It's not just TT though, I've bought more Christmas presents this year than I've ever bought before. Nothing of any real value, but just thought out present for people. I'm really looking forward to peoples reaction. I've already had a huge amount of satisfaction from one gift that hasn't even been opened.

I sent something to a person in the US that I don't even know and I got a lovely email back thanking me. That email meant so much because the person said that they were spending Christmas alone and that they were going to open it then. It's only a tiny gift of no value, but the idea that someone will have a suprise means lots to me. I hope they aren't disapointed at the lak of value but I don't think they will be. I happen to know the person dislikes "token gifts" so I'm sure they'll realise that this isn't a token, it's just somthing I spotted and made me smile.

The other thing that's really odd about this Christmas is that I've wrapped all my presents so far. When I lived in the UK I had a plethora of girlies to call upon to wrap presents for me. I'm also very good at acting (or perhaps it's not acting) hopeless. One of my favourite tricks is to buy presents from a shop and then look all hopeless until the shop keeper wraps it for me. I'm very accomplished at this.

Anthing that I can't get other people to wrap for me traditionally gets wrapped in a drunken state on Christmas eve, or more correctly, 3am on christmas morning. After a couple I tend to stuff the pressie and some wrap into a plastic bag and wind sellotape around the whole lot. This year I've been good and not only bought my pressies early, but also wrapped them. I'm very proud of myself.

If you think you deserve a present send me a mail and I'll do my best. Only people I like need apply....

Reading millions

Due to the fact I've been spending so much time on buses recently I've taken to reading lots. I'm a bit of a speed reader. Sometimes I read so fast I have to wear a helmet and protective pads.

However, I'm also a very dangerous reader. I get so wrapped up in reading that it becomes almost obsessive. When I'm enjoying a book I can't stop reading it. This is particularly dangerous when I'm driving or trying to cook flambe.

In the last couple of weeks I've read Harry Potter (Goblins of fire, half a bloody prince, prisoner of hazaar, Order of Felix - or summit like them), One flew over the cuckoos nest, Clockwork orange, 1984, Bram Strokes a Dracula. To be honest I'm still on the Dracula one because it's heavy going.

As well as this literary undertaking I've also started watching some classic movies. Like Ali G. Little Britain. Australian Princess. Supersize me. Ok, my movies aren't quite so classic as the books.

A change of scenery

As last the office move has happened! The company I work for is now north of Brisabe rather than South. This means I don't have to commute through the city centre to get to work anymore. I live on the north side so the journey is much shorter now. However, I'm not entirely convinced that I prefer it. Firstly, although the journey is shorter the bus service is awful. There are 2 buses a day to work, and two buses a day from work. Doesn't leave much flexibility does it?

Further more, the nearest bus stop for the bus to work is about a fifteen minute walk away. It doesn't sound far but even at 6am it's pretty warm here. At the other end it's about a 25 minute walk and of course it's warmer by then. The other thing I dislike is that the office is in a very industrial area. There is not a single shop or thing to do within a couple of k's. This reduces the appeal of breaks somewhat.

Although it's of no concern to me there is a huge lack of car parking spaces too. All the car owners are complaining that they have to park on the street and walk 100 meters to the building. Whoopy shit eh? My heart bleeds for the lazy bastards...

The new building is very smart. It's not much to look at from the outside but inside it reminds me of a rather nice hotel. There are two wide sweeping stair cases made from mahogany and marble. Most of the floors are also marble and the actual internal offices are generally about half glass fronted which makes them light and airy.

The exception to this is the area that I work in. The IT department is in the centre of the building and has no windows. The area has already assumed the nickname of "The abyss" and we've all become known as "the cavemen".

My favourite part of the new building is the roof. I've discovered a fire door which leads there. It's a great place as no one else had discovered it so I can go up there to smoke (not literally - I don't set light to myself and smoulder like an incense stick) and view the rather boring landscape. Still, better than being in the abyss working.

The girl knows me too well

If you've not read the post I put up a while ago, the one detailing this weeks choice of breakfast then this wont make much sense. I recommend you read the post below and then come back to this one.

Done? Good. Well, in earlier post I meant to give you all my news but got rather distracted as ever. One of the pieces of news I was supposed to tell you was that TT got the job she wanted. She got a phone call on Monday and hence she's now finishing the last week of the job she hates. She's got to work Monday and Tuesday of next week then she gets the rest of the week off before starting her happy new job the following Monday. I'm so chuffed for her.

Well, I bought her flowers, cooked her dinner, etc. But all that is fairly normal so for a treat I took her out for dinner tonight. It was a place I've mentioned on here before. I really fancied eating a sherpa so I called about 6 and was amazed that they still had a table spare. TT got home from work, got showered and changed in record time and off we went.

The restaurant was amazingly busy. We turned up and they looked around the already squished diners, spotted two tables that had the luxury of elbow room and began shoe-horning another table between the two previously lucky diners. We said we'd rather wait. So she grabbed us and pulled us through to the back of the restaurant where it opened up into another vast seating area, equally full.

We shrugged and she rolled her eyes, dragged us upstairs and showed us two further rooms overflowing with happy diners. We decided to take a seat here as it seemed everyone was enjoying themselves despite the cramped conditions.

Just after we sat down the couple next to us got up and left. It seemed odd as their main courses had only just arrived and I didn't think either of them had even begun. I thought I must smell really bad or something but TT just giggled and we figured they'd been called away or something. Two minutes passed and the waitresses stormed the table, stripped it and reset it in about 4 seconds.

However, about 2 minutes later the couple returned and looked absolutely aghast. Apparently they'd just popped out for a smoke between courses and now their dinners, wine and bread had all gone.

The waitresses apologised profusely and brought back fresh of everything though.

The dinner was fab. I'd not really known what to expect from a Tibetan restaurant, as I really dismissed their typical diet as yeti soup, snow and sherpa steaks. However, I really should have been much more excited. After all, where is Tibet? It's between India and China, so guess what sort of food they have? Yep, the Sherpa platter (The only mention I could find of Sherpa on the menu) consisted of all my favourite asian nibbles, such as samosa, spring rolls, won ton, onion bahji, etc. But we couldn't finish the platter between us and that was just the starter.

For main I had yeti curry (lamb, but I was insistent on calling it yeti to make the evening more authentic) and TT had yeti stew with mountain dumplings. (Ok... Normal dumplings)

We didn't get even close to finishing, the portions were huge. As we were talking after dinner I was wondering whether to leave a tip. I normally do, but although this places food was great, the lack of hospitality and the rushing made me less inclined to do so. The two things I hate in a restaurant are being rushed and being treated like a table number. I decided I wouldn't. The other thing that put me off was that it was a shared tip jar and I like my tip to go to the person(s) I feel earned it - in this case, the chef.

However, we approached the till and she waived our bill in front of us to verify it was the correct one. Hmm. 1 shared platter, $20, 1 yeti curry, $18, 1 lamb stew, $17, 1 bottle wine, 2 bottles water....yep, that seems to be the one thank you.

"$35 please sir!" I asked if she was sure. She looked flustered, looked at the bill again and said "Ok, $30 please sir!" I gave her $30 for the till, $10 for her and stuck $10 in the tip jar. I looked like a generous tipper but with the happy knowledge that I was still much better off. And, to make it even better I had a clear conscience. I'd asked her if she was sure!

(Now back to the title of this post...) On the way home TT asked if we could stop to get another bottle of wine. I said I'd be happy to. A few minutes later she said "Actually, I don't think I could manage another bottle of wine tonight. And I never drink it the next day, I don't like it once it's been open more than a couple of hours... But I really fancy another glass" I told her not to worry. I'd get the wine, she could drink what she wanted and I'd finish the rest the following day, no need to worry about waste.

And guess what her reply was? Go on, guess....(You've read previous post haven't you?)

"Oh J, wine for breakfast really isn't good for you, you know...."

Oh, and in the bottlo, guess what happened? I found a $10 note on the floor. No one else in the place so there was no point handing it in, the kid behind cash desk would have just pocketed it. So there we go, $30 meal and found $10. Total savings of the evening approx $60. Yey!

Have a good weekend y'all, I'll try and post some proper news rather than gibber soon....

Bonza Bonsais

I take it back...

Do you remember me writing about our neighbour? The one who couldn't park his car in his own spot? Then we thought he was dead? Well, he's been quite talkative of late and I've discovered he's not actually a bad bloke at all. And he;s not dead of course. Sure he drinks too much and can't remember what he's been talking about or promising the following day. He's also a bit of a bullshitter and a bit shifty, but all in all he's actually a pretty decent bloke.

This weekend he really shocked me. He wandered into our patio area and asked whether I was a good driver. Puzzled, I replied that I held an advanced UK drivers license as well as my Queensland aussie one. He told me that he was going out for the day to watch the Ashes cricket match (being held just down the road from us at the Gabba in Brissy) and that I could borrow his car if I wanted.

I gratefully accepted his offer. Not only was it totally unexpected but it was also perfectly timed. Today we'd been planning to get some grocery shopping - always a chore on the bus especially when ones partner manages to consume about 8 litres of coke zero per week - those bottles are heavy.

But, in addition we'd been planning to treat ourselves to a picnic at a place called Mt Coot-tha. It's a big mountain on the outskirts of Brisbane which commands excellent views of the city. It also has some beautiful garden and lakes. It is accessible by public transport, but it's not too easy.

Neighbour gave me the keys and we headed straight for the supermarket. We bought all sorts of stuff from the deli counter for our picnic. I'm have to admit i've never used the deli section of a supermarket before. I always find them overpriced or poor quality.

We also done our proper grocery shopping and then went and dropped it off at the house before continuing to the mountain.
We had a really nice afternoon and I've now acquired a fascination with bonsai. Aren't they wicked? I've seen them before of course, but this place had a whole area dedicated to them and now I'm fascinated.

Ocka Aussie Adverts

I think I've probably mentioned at some point that I like reading Ben Elton books. The first one I read was Gridlock, in about 1998 I think. For one reason and another I then didn't read any more until about 2000. That one was called This Other Eden and one of the main characters in an Australian. Hence Mr Elton makes several references to the idiosyncrasies of the Australians (well, the world in general, but the one I remember most is about the Australians). He mocks the Aussies for their blatant style of advertising.

I've just been to the bookshelf and it appears TT has leant the book out so I can't quote from it but it's something like "Mr X looked at the advertising billboard. It was filled with a 12ft picture of a pie and the bold caption: "AUSSIE PIES. PIES MADE IN AUSTRALIA" and then, as though further clarification was needed, smaller words underneath read "Aussie Pies. Eat them"

I'm reminded of this passage on an almost daily basis because I walk past these genuine signs on the way to the bus stop in the morning:

"Davis Car traders - WE BUY AND SELL CARS!"
"Hostel - Bar - Restaurant. Sleep here, drink here, eat here!"
"Big Phils Sheds - Buy a shed for your yard or garden!"
"Thai Foot Massage pty ltd - Come inside for a Thai foot massage!"

Hardly essential tag lines are they? I'm waiting for the local police beat to put up a flashing neon sign: "We arrest criminals!" or similar.

Healthy diet? Moi?!

It's been a pretty quiet week in my little world. I've behaved myself very well with an ultra healthy diet and distinct lack of beers. I'd love to say I feel wonderful for it but realistically I don't feel any different. That's a bit odd isn't it? You'd think it would have some effect positive or negative but absolutely nothing seems to have changed. I've been eating 3 meals a day rather than the normal one. It just seems to make me a little hungry between meals though.

And who made the rules about breakfast? Why is it that people view my choice of breakfast with such shock? On Tuesday I had a cold sausage from previous nights dinner and a piece of cheese. On Wednesday I had some cold boiled potatoes from previous nights dinner and a pot of yoghurt. On Thursday I had a slice of left over vege pizza from the night before.

On Friday I managed to break the left over trend (we eat out on Thursdays because of dancey lessons) and had 3 Riveta crackers (Aussie ones are half the size of UK ones, but they do have a handy perforation thing that allows you to snap them into two nibble size pieces) dipped in mango chutney.

I think TT was almost impressed with the Riveta until she spotted the jar and asked with a please-be-something-nice-expression, "What is in the jar J?"

I only then realised that it really wasn't a particularly normal breakfast by normal peoples standards. I mumbled that it was "like marmalade". She knows me too well though and heard the mumbled "like". She asked, "What's really in the jar J?". I told her, she just sighed, shook her head, and retreated to the bathroom to pluck her nails, paint her follicles, or straighten her ears or something.

As well as these three meals I've also been taking a completely unnecessary vitamin pill. But they're very good, the ingredient list is longer than my arm, and I'm sure when I die I'll be worth more to a scrap metal merchant than anything else. They contain Iron, Zinc, Magnesium, copper, potassium and chromium. I figure:

Iron: to make me "well 'ard"
Zinc: Umm. Something to do with batteries innit? Helps me store energy/electricity. Maybe I'll be able to zap people with one finger?
Magnesium: It burns bright. This must give me a healthy glow
Copper: That helps in conducting the electricity to zap people...
potassium: Er. I think this makes me fizz in water. Or something?
Chromium: Give me terminator type skeleton. Bummer at airport x-ray machines though...

Lunch has been the same every day: 1 slice riveta, 1 apple, 1 banana. Wanna know a really dull fact about my lunch? Both fruit varieties contain the word "lady". The apples are "Pink Lady" variety, the bananas are "Lady finger" although I'd hate to meet a lady with fingers like these bananas. She'd put King Kong to shame.

And evening meal has been healthy every night except for the pizza night, and I chose vegetarian for a meat free Thursday. (What? Thursday here must be Monday somewhere in the world? Sorry - private joke to a reader that knows who he is...) Every meal apart from that one had at least two serves of fresh veg.

And it's not even stopped there. I've been drinking at least 3 litres of filtered water a day too. When I say at least, that's at work. I've been drinking it at home morning and evening too. I hope it doesn't mess with my potassium or zinc processes....

I'm a shit blogger...

G'day all. Sorry long time no post - as you know I'm without laptop and it hurts. After a week of neglect, here's what's been going on in my upside down world. As ever, I've entered it in date order, so to resume from last post just scroll down to Sunday 12 and work your way up, it will probably make more sense that way. Summary - I don't think I want another one like this...

Two classics from work

Our company is huge but our site only has between one and two hundred people at most times. All of these people have their own email address and of course there's also a group address for management / us to send messages to everyone.

I've only ever done this once. I sent a polite request asking to be involved in a car pool. I figure that's the kind of thing it's intended for. However, we've had a new receptionist start, and although she's a lovely girl, she's not overly well laced with common sense. Last week she sent a company wide email saying "Hi every one! Isn't it a lovely day?" in ghastly pink swirly letters.

Todays effort was even more spectacular though: "Can anyone sitting near a window see if I've left my car lights on? It's a white holden, rego... Oh! I can't remember! But if you see a white holden (or ford maybe?) with it's lights on, please let me know and I'll go and turn them off. Thank you!!!!!!" Classic eh?

As I walked around the office today whenever I saw an unattended PC I'd send her a message such as :

- "Your car lights seem to have come on again"
- "Could you tell the owner of a red van they've also left their lights on"
and my favourite one: "OMG! Your car has gone! Did you move it?!"

I'm such a child!

The other thing that was amusing today was that the Health and Safety guy I've mentioned before sent around a company wide circular too. He wanted to tell us that he's spent the last week working on an "Anti-fire ant policy" and that all pot plants including cactus, must be inspected by himself. If they were found to be ant free they would be awarded a certificate of immunity otherwise they would not be allowed into the new building. I love that one.

Once I'd stopped chuckling I went and found someones unguarded PC down in manufacturing and sent an email to the new secretary: "The H & S guy would like to see you with the mats out of your car. They must be checked for fire ants. Thank you for your co-operation" I wonder if she did or not? I know what I'd bet....!

The blood test results

As requested by the path lab on Saturday I called the doctors surgery this morning to advise them that the results should be with them today and to try and make an appointment for tomorrow. The receptionist assured me that all tests done on Saturday would be with them by 10 am so she made me an appointment for 4pm this arvo.

They tested for around 20 different levels, all the vitamin and metal contents, cell counts, all sorts of shit. Next to each result was a set of brackets showing average ranges. I was exactly average for all but three. My iron is low, but within the boundaries - 12umol (10-33). My cholesterol was higher than expected - 6.1 (3.5 - 6.6) but my Urate(?) was high and he recommends another test in two months. If it's still as high he wants me to go to ultrasound.

So not quite such a mind settler as I'd hoped. But never mind, I've heard it said "Don't take life too seriously - it's only a temporary situation!"

Quite a pleasant saturday

Last night TT went out clubbing with her best girly friend. She got home about 3.30am quite pissed. I'd stayed up waiting for her because I can't sleep without her home. I then got up at 7am this morning so I could be first in queue at the pathology lab to get my blood test done.

While I was waiting last night I was looking up web pages on how to interpret blood test results. I figured I'd open the results my self, and if they were in a tamper proof envelope thingy I was going to pop back and say I'd left them in a cafe, could I have another copy please? Cunning plan.

Only it didn't work. I was at the lab by 8am and there was already a long queue. I'd forgotten that most people object to fasting and therefore wanted to be tested as soon as possible so that they could have some breakfast. I just wanted to get done quick so I could get on with my day. I hate eating in the mornings!

But the plan then went further wrong when the nurse didn't say "You'll feel a little prick" to which I had prepared a range of clever retorts depending on the prettiness of the nurse. Instead she said "You'll just feel a little scratch" and she was right. Very professional, I though she was just marking the skin to decide where to put the needle but when I turned to tell her to get on with it I saw she was then sucking out the second bottle. Most impressed.

But then she told me the results would be sent directly back to the doctor. So much for all my intensive medical training.

I walked home the long way. This involved walking through the markets looking for christmas gifts for various friends, family and TT. Then suddenly it was 11am so I decided to have a morning beer since it was such a lovely day. Made a change to be out on my own although I was expecting an irate phonecall any moment from TT demanding to know where the hell I was so I was already prepared with the "Buying you presents of course my dear..." excuse but the call didn't come. I walked home about midday feeling rather relaxed to discover TT was only just crawlng out of bed. These youngsters just can't handle parties eh?

We done some shopping in the arvo and I'm quite pleased with my purchases. Lots of Aussie stuff. I've no idea what to get family, it's always tough, but tougher from 10000miles away. I settled for lots of things unique to this country. Like hats with dangly corks, Aussie recipe books, stubbie coolers, boomerangs, etc.

Spent the evening having a glass of wine with a neighbour. All in all, a rather pleasant day.

Dirty stuff

The foot is much better, still a bit limpy but almost passable as normal.

Today I finally got a little computer time and caught up reading some of my favourite blogs. The ones I link to and a couple of others. Mr had been on a quest for material to write about and asked his readers to suggest things. Someone suggested that he should tell a dirty story. That reminded me of something. I really want to write about it now, but I've just noticed the time. Shit. Work in five hours. Bollocks. To be continued.

OK, I'm back after a whole 5 hours sleep. Well, the theme reminded me, I've no idea really, but of sex education classes we used to get at school. That is rather a huge overstatement - our science teacher dedicated a single double period lesson of double science to sex education. It consisted of asking us if we knew what a few terms meant, then showing us some contraceptives, making us watch a video and then being set homework of studying sexually transmitted diseases. Some education eh? No wonder my old home town had one of the highest rates of teen pregnancy in the UK!

But the part I was reminded of was the first part of the lesson when he wanted to know whether we understood some sexual terms. He asked me when oral sex should be used. I said before sex which he agreed with. Then, as some of the other class members were looking a little baffled he asked me if I could say why it can be useful before sex. I replied that it was a way of proving you loved your partner.

He nodded and hummed a little. Still many of the class looked baffled. "Please don't ask me anymore, please! Please!" I thought to myself... He then turned to me and said "I wont ask you to describe what oral sex is, but for those that don't know, it's the stimulation of your partners sexual organs with the use of your own mouth and tongue" I almost went "Eeeew!" with the rest of the class. I'd honestly thought until that point it was talking about sex, and telling someone how much you loved them....

Thank gods he didn't ask me to explain eh?! Still from that moment on everyone thought that I was some sort of sex lord because I'd known so much....te he he. And before you mock me, I was only 12 at the time.

I'm shamed to say that although Sex education classes in the UK now form part of a subject called PSHE (Personal, Social, Health Education) which takes many hours of timetable a week the problem in my old home town is no better. The only problem they have bigger than the one of teenage pregnancy is underage drug and alcohol abuse. Lovely town eh?

Wow! Drugs are so cool. And look after your bodies kiddies...

I woke up this morning having had a decent nights sleep compared to the last two. And although I had to get out of bed slowly the pain was much better. I got showered and headed into work. I still had to take the local bus as I couldn't handle the walk to the normal bus stop. The driver was the same one as yesterday and he commented that I looked much better and it only took me half the time to board and get seated.

Throughout the day the treatment worked wonders. As I hobbled more speedily around the building various people popped out to give advice. Apparently gout is very common here in Aus. It seems that everyone in the office either has it or has a close relative that does. The most common advice I heard was "Eat cherries, lots of cherries, they'll fix it up" and "Don't eat pineapple, that can cause an attack" One guy recommended drinking Port and I told him what the doctor has said about avoiding fortified wines. He said it had always helped his. I can only guess it either numbs the pain or everyone is different!

It's widely regarded as an "old mans" disease, but that's only because there are two types. If it's genetic you can get it any age - in our office the youngest sufferer i've met so far is 24, there's 2x26, 1x28, 1x29 and 2x30 younger or equal to me! The other sort is caused by obesity and/or poor diet which takes many more years to occur and this is the "old man" strain. Basically, if you abuse your body for years on end you may well end up giving yourself this horribly painful affliction - so don't.

This advice was all good, but then I discovered another worrying factor. It can also be caused if there's a problem with your liver. I'm now worried incase that's the cause. I only vaguely remember my grandfather suffering from it and I'm sure my dad hasn't. What if it's not genetic? I've not abused my body for years, so that would be the only other cause. I'm a little worried. I've never had a very high regard for my own wellbeing before, but now that I've finally found love with TT I'm pretty happy. I don't think I want to die of some liver disease.

On a plus side, it's never to late to change anything. I've got to wait until Saturday for tests, and whatever the results may be I noticed a few holes in my diet. I don't get enough fibre or drink enough water. Also, several strains of live yoghurt are very helpful and I've not touched that shit in years. I stopped by the supermarket on the way home and stocked up on some missing items. I've also resolved to eat three meals a day even though I find it a horrible chore eating breakfast and lunch during the week.

I find it amusingly ironic that even if I do have something major wrong at least I'll be healthier than ever before....

Ow! It hurts!

I woke up this morning, stepped out of bed and promptly fell over grunting in pain. The foot that was giving me some shit yesterday just gave way. Putting any weight on it caused extreme pain. I'm not a stranger to pain, I have a very high threshold. In fact, three times in my life I've broken bones and ignored them until peer or parent pressure has made me go to hospital where they've identified the source of the pain as a breakage. Yeah, I know I'm stupid.

But this was proper pain, it really hurt. However, my inner stupidity told me I'd probably just slept on it again and I hobbled to the shower. After this I returned to the bedroom and said bye to TT (I get up at 5.30am to leave by 6.15, she doesn't leave until about 8) She looked at me in alarm and asked whether I was really going to work. I said I had to and she told me I was an idiot and turned her back on me.

I couldn't walk to the normal bus stop so I had to sit outside my house and wait for the bus that went that way instead. It took me over 2 minutes to board the bus and take a seat. I couldn't figure what was going on with my foot. I got to work eventually and spent 10 minutes hobbling around the normal 2 minute walk from stop to work. I turned up and the boss guy said "What the hell have you done?!" I explained I had no idea and being sat at my desk got down to work.

About an hour later I slowly got up and began to hobble down a corridoor. One of the very senior bosses paused me and asked if I'd broken a toe. I said that I hadn't. He asked what I'd done. I had to confess that I had no idea but it did indeed feel very much like a broken toe. "Gout" he says. "Eh?" I say "Gout" he repeats and then continues "Don't look so shocked mate. When I was 28 I got out of bed one morning and my foot felt really stiff. I thought nothing of it, but the next morning I got up and fell over with the pain. Turned out to be gout because it's a hereditary disease and if it's in your genes it can kick in at a very young age, especially if you're not eating too well or you've damaged that leg at all"

Shit! He described me! I forgot about where I was heading and went back to my PC to google it. It seemed almost certain. I called my doctors and arranged an appointment as quickly as I could.

TT had to take the arvo off work to meet me from the bus because I was pretty much unable to walk without support. Went to the doctor who took one look and said "Jeez mate! Mind if I take a photo of that?! It's perfect, classic, acute genetic gout!" I had to laugh despite the pain.

He gave me some pills which he said would kick in within a day or two and made me an appointment for some blood tests to gauge the severity. He also told me not to eat pilchards, sardines, offal or drink any fortified wines. I was fine with that, I don't like any of them. I asked if it was common for someone to be hit so suddenly and explained that I'd had almost no warning signs other than numbness the day before. He said that "when it hits, it hits like a steam train - KERBAM!" Thanks doc.

The pills worked wonders. By this evening I was able to hobble to the kitchen without assistance and do the washing up much to TTs annoyance. I'm not one to sit around. The new TV helped though, I'd spent the afternoon resting in front of it and I think that done a lot of good after two days of ignoring the pain.

Bit of a shocker to discover you have a genetic disease though. I knew my grandfather had it, but my father doesn't and I was too young to really remember much about grandfather.

I've got a some good news and bad...

Good news first!

Work was fine. Very average. We're moving office next week. Not just our department or anything, but the whole bloody company. Well, our district office, not all X thousand employees from all over Australasia. We're moving our couple of hundred employees to an office about 20km away which makes it much harder for 90% of employees but not for me. Here's a simple diagram to illustrate - Distance not to scale, but north is at the top:

X - that's the new office
O - that's my house
XXX - that's Brisbane city
I - that's the long and windy road to....
C - the current office
H - this is where 90% of employees live

Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha! Mwuuuhahaha. Finally! They've all had years of driving or walking 2 mins to work whereas I've had to fight through city and roads to get to the office. Now it's near my house and they all have to do what I used to do, but in reverse.

Bad news
[important bit] It's not all been fun today though. I woke up this morning with a really numb foot. I think I must have slept heavily with one leg tucked under the other or something because after feeling numb when I woke up this morning, it then got a little painful and by the end of the day I was limping/hobbling a bit.

Still, these strange things happen eh?

How do you write dates?

Don't say "D", "A", "T", "E", "S" you smartarse. (That's almost as bad as the joke: Guy 1: "Help! Call me an ambulance!" Guy 2: "Ok. You're an ambulance...")

Can you tell I'm bored? What the hell kind of blog post has the title, "How do you write dates?" I know you wacky Americans write month, day, year whereas the rest of world write day, month, year. Well, I think it's the rest of the world - my experience thus far has taught me that UK and Europe do, so do Aus. Africa uses a totally different system which makes no sense to me, so that doesn't count. I don't think the penguins in Antarctica give a toss about the date; to them it's probably either: "eat fish day" or "get eaten by a bear" day, depending on what their bi-optional horoscopes say.

But anyway, this isn't what I meant at all by the post title. I meant, how do you indicate them? Which is even more boring.

Until I was about 22 I always used to write (for example) 17/6/83 (I say "for example" because I didn't want you to think I wrote the same date every day...). But then, almost overnight I noticed myself titling my daily notes in my notebook as 17-6-83. Wow! Somehow the slash I'd always used had gone horizontal and metamorphasised into a dash. What a strange thing to happen eh?

I've always kept a notebook of my daily work activities since I was 17. Even when self employed I used to ask each of my clients to provide me with a proper hardback notebook and each time I visited them I'd ask for my book and write up what I'd done on that visit or recall details from any previous visit.

In my current job, here in Aus, it's the same. On day 1 I asked for a hard backed notebook. Provisions man turned up with a spiral bound shitpad. I gave it back and pulled out of my bag (literally) one to describe what I meant by HARDback noteBOOK.. The provisions guy kind of gaped at me and said "Well mate, only senior management yet that type normally..."

He came back ten minutes later with my noteBOOK. As ever, I digress hugely. Last week I was flicking through my notebook for current job and I noticed that for the first time in my life on some days I'd started writing the date as 17.6.83. Bloody hell! The fallen over slash has shrivelled into a ball and died!

Then - can you handle the excitement? I turned the page and saw I'd written 17/6/83! My date separator is a phoenix! It fell over, died a few years later, and then within days was born again.

I'm not high on drugs I assure you. I'm just in a very stupid mood and anything goes. So to speak. Also, life is probably more uneventful now than it has been for years. Thank gods for the love of my life, TT, to keep me sane.

DVD, TV, VCR, HI-FI

Today we went shopping. Guess what we bought? Does the title give it away just a little? We bought a dead posh new TV - flat screen, High Definition, all that bollocks. We wondered whether to get the next size up but it turned out later I was glad we didn't as this one only just fits in our entertainment unit.

Then we chose a DVD/VHS combi to go with it. Dunno why we needed the VHS but TT wanted to "just incase" so I thought - why not? Then we picked a JVC hi-fi to complete the bundle. As soon as I get my laptop back I'll provide before and after photos of our entertainment unit. It's pretty amusing to finally chuck off (literally) an 18yr old sizzling, flickering 10" portable TV and replace it with something proper.

Seriously, the old TV was a hazard to anyone unfortunate enough to touch it. Even without touching it would crackle and fizz alarmingly. Trying to watch the picture generally led to one of two things - seizure or eyeballs revolving within their sockets. Either way, not a pleasant experience. Sometime though, the sound would hold out so we could listen to one or two tunes on Saturday morning music TV before it would mysteriously retune itself. Of course it didn't have a remote control, it was invented before infra-red. So when it decided to retune the process was generally stand as far away as possible and bash it with a non conductive pole. A wooden broom handle was ideal.

Anyhoos, ding dong, the old TV is dead, which now just leaves the issue of how to dispose of it. TT wants to do the "right thing" and wait for the bi-monthly council collection of old electrical goods. Shame it happened about two days ago. I'm in favour of doing what everyone else does - put it outside and wait for a bum to steal it and try to pawn it. If it's not gone within 2 hours I'll concede and bring it indoors again - I'm not a litterer, but we honestly have this wonderful resource of scrounging bums at our disposal so it seems silly not to use them.

And while on the subject, why are we all so obsessed with acronyms for technology? HD TV, DVD RW, VHS, Hi-Fi w/ CDR & MP3 capabilities... If we're going to use them then I only think it right that people know what they mean so that they don't go saying stupid things like :

Idiot - "Er, is there an ATM machine near here?"
Me - "Um, let me think, An Automated Teller Machine machine... Hmmm, yes, it's over there there..."

or...

Idiot - "Great film! Do you think you could burn it onto DVD disc for me?"
Me - "Sure, Digital Versatile Disc disc, not a problem problem..."

I think the Germans have it right. The German for aeroplane is "flugzeug" literally meaning "flying thing". The German for hovercraft is "Luftkissenfahrzeug" Guess what that means? Yup, "Hovering thing". (And of course, in German, "zug" is train, maybe that just means "thng"?) Perhaps we should follow their lead:

TV - "Moving picture thingy"
Hi-Fi - "Music thingy"
DVD - "Film thingy"

sound good? Oh wait...

HD-TV - "Great-quality-moving-picture thingy"

Hi-Fi, SB, x8 SRS - "Music-with-loud-booms-and-noises-that-come-at-you-from-eight-points-in-the-room thingy"

DVD-RW - "shiny-disc-you-put-in-the-machine-and-can record-loads-of-stuff-onto thingy"

Ummm. Shit. Acronyms are here to stay I guess.

Gotta go, need to top up my suntan on the new big-glowy-screen thingy...

ON A SERIOUS NOTE:
I'm terribly sorry I didn't mention it yesterday, but the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month is a time we should have all had a thought for the brave soles that were lost and the families they left behind in the conflicts around the world. I spent some time in respectful silence, I hope you all did too. If not, there's no time like the present... Lest we forget.

I'm jealous....

T has been asked to do an interview. Because her blog is so popular. Bah.

Why don't I get invited to do interviews?

Bah.

On a totally different note, I've decided to stage a Christmas dinner. A proper English Christmas dinner. It's very ironic since I hate christmas dinner in the UK but as I'm here I really fancy doing it. I'm going to give it 150% effort, the turkey, chipolatas, pudding, the works. If anyone would like to come along you're more than welcome. I'm planning on catering for about 20 people which means I have a shortfall of about 15 people at the moment. Aren't I a popular person?

I'm jealous....

T has been asked to do an interview. Because her blog is so popular. Bah.

Why don't I get invited to do interviews?

Bah.

On a totally different note, I've decided to stage a Christmas dinner. A proper English Christmas dinner. It's very ironic since I hate christmas dinner in the UK but as I'm here I really fancy doing it. I'm going to give it 150% effort, the turkey, chipolatas, pudding, the works. If anyone would like to come along you're more than welcome. I'm planning on catering for about 20 people which means I have a shortfall of about 15 people at the moment. Aren't I a popular person?

CELEBRATION!!!!!

I've got my visa! i've got my visa! I've got my visa! I've got my visa! MONEY AT LAST! I've got my visa! CASH! I've got my visa! YEY!

Who wants beer?

Did I mention I've got my visa?

Reading

I love reading. The biggest problem with it though is that I find it addictive. Once I start I have trouble stopping. I don't read unless I have lots of time to spare. I good example of this was the first time I read Harry Potter. I remember picking up the first book while I was staying with a friend in Ireland. I had a couple of days to spare have my usual book-phobia. I picked it up about 10pm and then stayed up until I'd finished it about midnight.

Luckily I read fast.

I've read a few books since I've been in Aus and recently, since the death of my laptop, I've decided to catch up on the rest of the Harry Potter series. This week I read the last one. Even by my own standards, that one was completed very quickly. It took two days of bus journeys which for a 700 pages book is simply ridiculous. Incase anyone else is as far behind as I was I wont tell you who dies.

It was pretty good though. I've also read all of Ben Eltons recent stuff and I've now begun "One flew over the cuckoos nest" which seems to be utter shite. I'm not good at classic books.