Buzz

We stayed around T's best friends house tonight. She has an X box. I've never been one for games consoles but she had two games that particuarly bemused me. One was a kareoke game called sing-star, and the oter was a quiz game called Buzz. I was spectacuarly poor at both but enjoyed them both tremendously.

The Kareoke game scores you real time by sampling your voice and comparing your pitch to the song that's playing. When you manage to sing in tune (sadly infrequently for me) the status bar goes green and you know you're doing well. When you're awful it goes red. Mine was red most of the time.

The other game, the quiz one, I was pretty good at. I was winning the whole way through until the last round when I mis-read the instructions and thought that only one person could answer. So I didn't bother pressing the button. I went from a very commanding lead to a close second in just one round. Was good fun though. If only I'd not been so stupis I could have won.

Yey for games consoles - they're not just for nerds after all.

In the morning we watched a kiddy film called Mr Beary. It was about a bear. No shit eh? Nothing quite like ripping the piss out of a kiddy film first thing in the morning.

It was about a bear that wanted to be a rock star. I think it was a true story.

Time to be healthy and rather safe. Again.

Yup. Another post about my works over zealous Health and safety guy. I can't remember if I told you about this or not, bt the health and safety guy has started weekly fridge inspections. There's huge sign on the fridge warning us that Fridays are "Fridge inspection days" and as such any food in an unmarked container, or beyond it's expiry date will be trashed.

The thing is, people have taken to taking the piss about this. Everyone seems to store the most minging, gone-off food they can find in their own fridge at home and bring it into work. And the poor guy hasn't sussed it yet. i was in the kitchen the other day and hear him note in disgust "OH MY GOD!! This yoghurt expired in Ausgust 2005!!!!" I meakly said "I thought you done these inspections weekly? I'm not sure I want to use the fridge if you miss stuff like that...?" He went nuts.

I've got a can of tomoatoes in my fridge at home which are moudling nicely. They'll be placed in our work fridge on friday. I'm such a child....

While whinging about H & S I must also mention a new folder that has appeared. The afore mentioned guy has placed a binder in reception asking for everyone to report any potential Health and Safety issues. So far I'm the only person that has used it. It's completely anonymous as you can guess by the nature of my entries:

i. The paper we use is too white. Yesterday I took my notepad outside and was completely dazzled by the sun reflecting off the page. I almost stumbled into the road and was nearly hit by an oncoming vehicle. I view the use of this paper as highly irresponsible and request it be changed as soon as possible.

ii. The lid of the fax machine is unnesecairly heavy. While attempting to transmit a document yesterday the lid slipped from my grasp and trapped my left hand in the machine. I was trapped for close to 2 hours before being rescued by a passing secretary. This issue needs addressing.

iii. Coffee is ideally served at 85 degrees. The new machine in the development kitchen seems to produce steam in excess of 95 degrees. I find this excessive heat to be a danger to all users. Recently I was almost blinded by this contraption and request its immediate removal.

iv. The mouse attached to my computer is optical in design. This means it uses a bright red light in lieu of a rolling ball. If the mouse falls to the ground and I look down at it the intensity of the light is almost blinding. Could I please request a dimmer optical mouse?

The saddest thing is I'm willing to bet he takes them all seriously....

A culinary post...

There are two things I miss about the UK.

a) Cider
b) Pasties

In the UK almost every pub has at least one brand of cider. Many have two, the most common being Strongbow and Woodepcker. Strongbow is stong and dry and Woodpecker is mid strength and sweet. I grant Strongbow 8/10 and Woodpecker 6/10. The other two common ones are Bulmers (7/10) and scrumpy Jack (9/10). Some places have a proper scrumpy called Old Rosie (10/10) but it's rare. The biggest pub chain though (Gnagh! I can't believe I've already forgotten what they're called!) have recently started satocking it so it's gaining in popularity.

Then of course if you visit the west country you'll find shops and even road side stalls selling plastic containers of locally produced cider which is very nice although it tends to be amazingly strong (hence names like "Cock Drooper" and "Suicide Potion") [oh, just remembered - the pub chain is Wetherspoons and I don't like them either]

Over here very few pubs stock cider apart from bottled shit. Those that do tend to be Irish pubs so it's ridiculously overpriced Bulmers. They do have their own local brand though, also called Strongbow. I got quite excited when I saw this especially since it's only about $4.50, the same price as XXXX and the other local stuff. I tried it and it's vile. I've now discovered that it's because it's made with a blend of apple and pear juice. These wacky Aussies. Don't they know cider is just apples and dead rats?

As I spent most of my life on the road in the UK I generally grabbed food on the run and as the only time I tended to stop was for fuel the petrol station became the source of most of my meals.

9/10 times this would be a pasty. The flavour would depend on the brand the station stocked. If they stocked "Geo Adams" then it would always be a chicken Tikka slice. They're wonderful. If they stocked "Pork Farms" it would usually be a ham and cheese or chicken and mushroom. If they stocked anything else it would usually be a sandwich or wrap of some description. BP service stations with a Wild Bean cafe attached used to do a wonder selection of wraps.

But in Australia I can't get these things. The country is famous for it's pies but they have what I find to be a very annoying habit. At home our pies/pasties/slices are stored in the fridge section of shops. Here they are kepy for what must be days on end, in a glass fronted oven thing. This means that the pastry is always solid enough to break your teeth and also that the contents are hot as lava.

No matter how long you leave it to cool it will still burn you when you bite into it. I honestly left one for an hour today and it was still pretty hot in the middle. And the outsides had cooled enough to turn the pastry into concrete. Whaddup wid dat? This is a hot bloody country! England is cold! Why don't UK put pies in the oven and Aussies put them in the fridge?!

I was moaning about this to a guy at work today and he was truly shocked that in the UK we keep them in the fridge. "But wouldn't that make them all cold?" he asked. No shit, Sherlock. But have you ever received blisters to the inside of your mouth from a cold pie? No? Hmm. Didn't think so... And isn't there a microwave in the kitchen so that you could warm it in 30 seconds if you wanted to? Yeah, thought so....

BUT. All is not lost. The last time I visited here before moving over I went to pick one of TT's freinds up from work. And I arrived early. I wandered around the area and spotted a bakery. I saw a notice advertising a new product, called "Smokies - Bacon-wrapped sausage dashed with cheese and BBQ sauce before being baked in our own delicious puff pastry. $2"

I had to try one and it was wonderful. I bought about 6 and then had one every breakfast and lunch for the next three days. Yesterday I had to go to the same suburb and I couldn't wait to go to the bakery. I now have a fridge full of Smokies. And very soon I'll be about 5kilos heavier and my arteries a little more clogged.

Australian cusine? It's bonza mate, I won't have a word said against it....!

We had a good day. And I'm not taking the hiss....

For once we actually had a plan for the weekend. It's weird - we both look forward to the weekend and yet almost invariably when it turns up we have no idea what to do with it. Although living so near to the city is great it's not a lot of fun when you've got no spare cash to enjoy it.

The weather is getting ever hotter so any time spent outside is a great risk of skin cancer. Beleive it or not, weekends tend to be really dull. This weekend however, we had a plan. First up, I am at long last going to get my first trip on a city kitty.

"City Kitty" is one of T's phrases. They're actually called city cats (short for catamaran) but she always calls them city kittys. Cos it rhymes and stuff.

Anyhoo, I digress. This weekend we had a plan. I've always wanted to try the kitties. And we've got a terminal just around the corner from our house. We planned to get one to a place called South Bank which is near where T used to live. We chose that because it has loads of big lizards (Bearded Dragons) and I wanted to see them. We were then going to wander through the sunday markets and go for a beer in the English pub. Sounds good eh?

The plan went wrong almost immediately. I decided to take some rubbish out to the bin while T was in the shower. I was not expecting to walk straight into a massive cobweb with spiders the size of my palm in it. Shocked? Um. That would be an understatement of gigantual proportions. Shit myself totally? Yes. That's much more accurate. I mean, you just don't expect that shit outside your front door do you? I dropped the bottles and they shattered everywhere. I then trod on the broken glas while flailing my arms madly. I'm such a girl.

Other than that, the first part of the plan worked very well. We caught our city kitty and the cruise along the river was brill. We alighted at Southbank without hassle and we walked along the river bank to the spot with all the rocks and basking lizards. They were great. Most were about a foot long or so, some were bigger.

Then...

Oh my God, then....

Well, how about I just show you a picture eh?



















Does he look small and woosy? OK. Fine. Let me show you another picture...

Yes, those are foot-long dragons to his right. Three of them. And that's him wrapped all around the rocks. Does that put it into perspective a little more?! He was about 3m long. T is good with local wildlife, it takes a lot to shock her but her jaw just hit the deck. We didn't have a clue what to do.

The big issue was that kids were playing in the park behind us and we were really worried what would happed if they saw it. We hung around for about half an hour hoping a plod would walk by. It didn't happen. In the end we went to the nearest police station and told them about it. They put us onto "Pest control"(!) and we had to describe it. Snakes aren't uncommon over here of course, but such a large on in a residential area is a little concerning.

It turned out to be a completetly harmless carpet snake and the guys at plod station were sent to deal with it.

We then resumed our plans and wandered thought the markets. Nothing very exciting there. We went to the English pub only to discover it's under new management and has turned really posh. Not our scene at all.

We wandered into the city, grabbed some lunch and then headed home. It was a pretty good day, all in all. On the way home we stopped at block buster and got out Austin Powers. Is there no end to my childishness?

i can see right through you, bloody XRay people...

Last week I received an email from the company that are arranging my Visa upgrade. They've thought of another way to extract more money from me. They've decided that I need a full chest XRay which then needs to be couriered down to Melbourne. I checked the whitepages and called the nearest XRay clinic.

Lady on phone: "You need a referral from a doctor"

Me: "Hmmm. I don't think so, I have a Form 160a, a government produced form which tells the radiographer everything he needs to know about the area to be XRayed, type of XRay, etc. There's also a form for him to fill in and sign."

Lady: "I'll go and check"

Me: [waits on hold for 8 minutes]

Lady: "oooh, you're right, we're open from 8.00am but the radiographers don't start until about 9.30"

Me: "Ok, it's a little difficult for me to get time off work, could I make an appointment please?"

Lady: "We only do first come, first served"

Me: "Ok, how about the weekend, are you open then?

Lady: "We are but only the junior and trainee radiographers work then..."

Me: "Oh jeez, I'd rather not be XRayed by the Australian version of Dr Nick so I'll wait and come in next week. Thanks for your help!"

So yesterday I checked with my manager man at work and he said it would be fine to take a couple of hours this morning. So I left the house and caught a bus to the hospital. Mistake #1. Entirely my fault, I got off the bus at the wrong hospital.

I caught a bus back in the other direction and arrived at 9am. Mistake #2. I was pleased I was early as I'd probably be the first seen. Wrong. The waiting room was already filled.

I waited for about an hour and 10 minutes before they asked me to the front desk. Where they told me I needed a doctors referral. Aaagh! I explained that I'd called and upon checking it'd been confirmed that I didn't need a referral. They refused to accept this and told me to go and pay a doctor for a referral.

I had a cunning plan. I knew that on the other side of the city was another XRay clinic and they were completely private rather than being part of the hospital. I thought this may mean they're less "official" so I headed from South Brisbane to North Brisbane and walked into the clinic. I explained what I wanted, showed them the form, my passport, etc. They told me to take a seat and wait.

About 45 minutes later the radiographer emerged and apologised that without a doctors referral he wasn't allowed to perform the XRay. Bah! I asked their advise on getting a referral as quickly as possible. They recommended a local doctor. I took the bus again (4th journey of the day!) to the doctors. They said they could fit me in on Friday. I explained that it was rather urgent and that I only required a signature from the Doctor. She double checked and decided that she could fit me in about half an hour later. I waited in the waiting room and obeyed the sign requesting that mobile phones be turned off or silenced.

I saw the doctor and he signed the paperwork. Took all of ten seconds. I thanked the receptionist for arranging the appointment so promptly and then I left. I caught a bus to the city. Upon arriving I happened to glance at my phone. 8 missed calls. As I was wondering who could be so desperate to talk to me it rang (in silence of course) again. I answered. It was the lady from the doctors surgery. I'd left without paying.

In the UK we don't pay for doctors consultations, in Australia you do. I'd left without paying my $55. I asked if she could post me a bill but she said they really needed payment immediately. I crossed the street and took the bus back again. (Journey 6!) I paid the wench and then took another bus back to the hospital. I waited again for ages and finally got the XRay. There's a section of the form where the radiographer has to witness me sign a box. That's all she has to do, witness me sign and then sign herself.

She obviously has yearnings to be a private investigator or something though because she started demanding proof of my phone number, address, etc. I told her that it said nothing about her verifying the details but she was having none of it. I showed her my Aussie drivers license and my passport. She seemed satisfied with this until she noticed that the postcode on my drivers license is different by one character to the one I'd put on the form. She wanted to know why.

I patiently explained that our house was on the very point where three suburbs meet and depending on which computerised database a company is using makes the difference as to whether our postcode shows as 4006 or 4005. Technically we're 4006 but our neighbours on the other side of the street are 4005. Our mail is a mixture of the two. Anything from the phone or power companies gets sent to 4005, anything from the government is 4006. The cow made me change the address to that it matched my drivers license, write an explanation on a piece of paper and she attached this after making me sign it!

She then told me she needed a passport sized photo of me for their own records. I told her nobody had made me aware of this and she said I wouldn't get my XRay results until I gave them a photo. Grrr! Bus back into the city, went to the photo booth (There's another $14 gone!) and then took my 9th bus of the day back to the hospital. They said it would take about an hour for the results to be ready. I found a pub next door so I went their to read my book as all the old people in the hospital waiting room kept talking at me and breathing their diseases on me. Yuk. And they all smelt of wee.

I went back an hour later and was told it would take another hour. I finally got the results about 5pm and I jumped on the first bus to the post office. They shut as I got there. I came home. I'll have to post them tomorrow. What a bloody dilemma though. 11 bus journeys, $55 for doctor, $14 for pictures, $200 for XRay. The only money I actually enjoyed spending was on the beer at the pub next door to hospital. Thank gods someone built that place! It's been a long day...

A nerdy post - My poor laptop

I turned on my laptop yesterday and it displayed that most welcome of messages: "Operating System not found". Not good. Not impressed. At work today I borrowed a copy of a Linux boot cd which informs me there is no hard disk present in the system. Hmmm. Luckily one of the utilities that comes with Bart PE is a file recovery program with an option to "Find Lost Drives" which actually displays the drive and it's contents which all seem to be intact.

It even told me what the problem is. Somehow the MBR of the drive has become corrupt and it's reporting that "Bytes per sector" parameter is being reported as 0 when it should be 255. How to fix this I have no idea. How I love computers...

On a more positive note TT has applied for a really decent job. She's spent hours working on her application and it's very impressive looking. It's providing IT support for a branch of government and the promotion prospects are excellent. The only downside is that the closing date for applications is early Novemember so she's got a long wait for any news.

Tonight was our penultimate dance class. Only one more to do, on Thursday, then that's the end of the course and we get a couple of weeks off before undertaking the next level up. Although I'm not convinced I should - even the foundation course we've just done was challenging enough for me! But at least I now know the basics of Zouk, Salsa and Samba.

I'm sorry I don't have anything exciting to tell you

I've been really productive this week. I've actually enjoyed going to work and thinking about the things I'm going to get done during the day. That's a bit crappy of me isn't it? I think this is because

a) The boss guy is on holiday Isn't is amazing how much more fun work is when the boss isn't around? Although the atmosphere has been much lighter and good humoured everyone in my little department has got loads done. I think there's a lesson to be learnt here.

b) They're sending me to train some guys how to use the first program I've written for them.
Although running training sessions used to be a weekly/sometimes daily chore at my old company I'm looking forward to this one. The reason being that I actually miss it! Also, and more importantly, it involves flying to another part of Australia for a few nights. Yey! Travel again! The only downside to this mini adventure is that I have to take my most annoying coworker with me. I guess every silver lining has it's dark cloud.

The bus has arrived at work now. I'll continue on my way home.

[Approx 9 hours later....]

(a 'person' just got on the bus who was so feminine looking I couldn't tell if it was a boy or girl. Then when it reached me I noticed extremely hairy legs. I think/hope it's a boy)

I've not got anything planned for the weekend. We're got a dance party thing this evening but after a hard weeks work I'd rather do something involving beer. I enjoy the dancing, but we only had a class last night and this party thing goes on for hours. Fortunately TT has the day off and is going out with her best friend. Best friend sent her an SMS last night saying "We're gonna drink loads of beer tomorrow - yay!".

This morning TT was telling me she was only going to have one because of the party. However, the best friend can be very persuasive so I'm hoping that TT is pissed by now and has changed her mind about going to the party. I'm mean aren't I?

Anyhoo, apart from that I don't have anything planned. I think I may do some cooking. I love cooking so all I've got to decide is what to cook. I'll probably do some Punjabi Beans because they freeze well and then I can make the office smell next week by taking them for my lunch and warming them up in the microwave.

The work microwave is terribly powerful though so I'll have to remember to turn down the setting otherwise I can imagine an explosion of beans and curry. I'll probably think of some other dish too though because I always feel selfish if I cook something just for me. TT doesn't like hot spices like me. Perhaps I'll do something Greek for her because that's one of her favourites.

I may even browse through Mr Vuboqs site as he often posts recipes. Any suggestions anyone? It would be good to try something new. I don't need recipes because I never follow them anyway. My favourite method of cooking is as follows:

At restaurants TT and I both tend to order something we've not tried before. If we like it I make a mental note of the dishes name. Then I google it, read four or five recipes, spot the similarities in ingredients and techniques and then go off to the kitchen and prepare my interpretation.

Moussaka was a good example of this. You should try searching recipe sites for moussaka. You'll find that no too recipes have the same recipe for the topping stuff. Some suggest yogurt bases, some creme frais, some egg and cheese, loads of options. I knew what I wanted to achieve though so I made a standard bechamel sauce and beat in some egg yolks. Came out a treat if I say so myself.

So yeah, cooking and probably some car hunting. Because I've still not been paid I can't afford to get a car yet. I like to look because it cheers me up and reminds me that as soon as "The Visa" comes through I can get paid and I can buy a car. No more bus for me then. Yay!

When I do finally buy a car it will probably be done privately because I'm a tight bastard and that's the way to the best deal. But at the moment I wouldn't be able to do that because I've no idea what to look for in the car ads. The cars here all have different names. I've no idea what a commodore, falcon or festiva are? In the UK virtually every car has a different name to here. So I need to go to a car yard so that I can look around and think "Oooh, that ones cool, what is it?" then I'll know what to look for in the paper.

I still want a Jeep Wrangler to be honest but my first pay packet wont be enough to buy one of those (I've got to pay for our South American flights and trip out of my first pay too!) so I'll probably just get something crappy and wait until the next month to upgrade.

Oh, on "The Visa" front I've been told that is mandatory to provide a chest X-ray. More expense and hassle. I'm only bloody 30, is that really necessary? Even once the visa arrives it wont entitle me to use the health service over here so I don't see why it matters to them. But, if it helps me get paid then so be it. Fun eh? Has anyone every had one of those? I presume it's painless and pretty quick?

Well, bus is nearly home now so I'd better start packing up the laptop and stuff. Have a good weekend y'all. I'll try and make the next post less drivelly. In my defense I can't help it that nothing exciting has happened recently. When I get my car I'll have more time for fun and adventures!

As promised

You have to say "Thanks for letting Mr Me borrow your camera TT" because my phone memory stick reader thing is rooted. It just doesn't want to work anymore so I had to borrow her "real" camera for this.

I didn't take as many photos as I wanted because I'd arranged to go out for a beer with a work colleauge. And I'm still hungover. It turned into a bit of a silly night. My head=ow. Yeah, I know - I'm old enough to know better.



Mr Vuboq asked for some pictures of trees in my refrigerator. Unfortunately the evolutionary process takes some time and the best I could find was some mouldy cheese. So I took these pictures of trees instead. The one on the left is the biggest tree in Brisbane. It's some kind of fig tree. The bit to the right, behind the white car is still part of the same tree. It drops "feelers" from it's branches which in time turn into more trunks to support its mass. I think it's cool. As trees go.







I call these "Fat palm tree things." They probably have a more scientific latin name but I can't be arsed to find out. To put there fatness into proportion I asked TT to stand in front of one. She did so but wont allow me to publish the photo. So I've drawn her in instead just so you can get an idea:










I've just shown her my "art" and she hates that even more than the photo. Not too surprising really. She's extremely attractive in reality.













This is called George Square. Its like the Brisbane equivilent of er.....somewhere good.


















Street markets are popular here. This one is of the "Valley market" which takes place every saturday (and to a lesser extent) sunday just around the corner.













The local pest birds are called Ibis's. They're scary looking eh?

Well. That's all my photos for now. Click on any to enbiggen.

Sorry P.Dub, I called Jonny but he said he wasn't in the mood for photos. Apparently I need to make an appointment. Bloody celebs nowadays....

Need to go zzz now. I'm really tired. I suspect I'll post loads more tomorrow since I feel shitty and suspect I'll be chucking a sicky. I'll prob go to work in the morning just to "show willing", moan like hell and then leave about midday. We'll see.

Hope you all had a great weekend.

Night.

PS. Found a nice new blog today which I promised the author I'd link to immediately. I can't be arsed to do settings stuff now but check back tomorrow and it'll be on my link bar thing....

My other blog, tartrazine, strange place names, frequently used passwords, quartazone and stuff (!)

As some of you are aware I have another blog. It's not much like this one, it's much more filtered because it's for my family and friends to read rather than these anonymous rantings. However, I've been going through statcounter this morning and I notice that one of my readers here actually stumbled upon it. By looking at the google search string they used to find it I guess it was by accident. But hello anyway. I presume you know who you are?

The reason I was looking at statcounter was because of something I read on Jays site. I can understand his frustration and it may make him happy to know that I also feel ripped off. Like me, he refuses to do memes but someone "pinched" his idea before he got a chance to do it so he went ahead and done it anyway. And I've had the same idea too so I may go ahead and do it too. I don't view it as a meme so long as I had the idea before reading it somewhere.

Basically he felt the urge to comment on some of the google (Legal Disclaimer: Other search engines are available. But they're shit) search strings that people had found his site from. Although I get some very frequent search strings some are just plain odd. And I've no idea how they work to find my site.

These ones are genuine and recur loads of times. I get at least 30% of my new hits from these. If you want to be a "hit whore" build these into your site title:

Quartazone
Frequently used passwords
Tartrazine
Strange place names

Now the strange ones I've had since I got up this morning:

"er hairstyles"
Page 10 on google.co.uk. What on earth? Who was sad enough to go through ten pages of results and then click on my entry about a long weekend in Surfers Paradise?


"How many animals a year get tortured"
Number 1 of 3 results. What's up with that? Surely more people must care about tortured animals? How come there are only three results? And I didn't even write anything about it! So the number one link is crap, it's me posting about surfer paradise again!

"Ickle cubes"
hit 7 of 18000 on google.com.
What on earth would possess you to search for "ickle cubes"?! And then to click on my recipe for spicy beans?

"correct temperature for a huntsman spider"
Result 3 on AOL.
Please don't read my blog anymore you weirdo. When it comes to huntsman spiders I don't give a fuck about the correct temperature. The correct location however is very important. As far away from me as possible.

"Mysterious in china"
Result 3 of 13 million!!!!! On google.com

I'm impressed with this one! 3 of 13 million! And can you imagine which post it was? The one with the little china man talking about my "lirrle computer"!!

"gaagh"
Lol. Result 4 on google Norway (google.no)

I guess I'm guilty as charged. I do use "Gaagh" and similar rather frequently

During my research for that (looking at statcounter) I discovered two important things. Firstly, the Jiffy cornmix kindly sent to me by Mr VUBOQ is also a popular hit. And I've discovered a new blog worth reading. I'll add it to my sidebar shortly.

A story by the "fucking legend"

Port headland. A shit hole town on the west coast of Australia where the fucking outback meets the sea. Ocean one side, the seemingly endless Spiniflex desert on the other.

"What do you do here all the time?

"Aw, we hunt and we fuck"

"Hmm. Great. What do you hunt?"

"Things to fuck"

"You must get bored shitless in Port Headland?"

"Aw no, there's heaps of shit to here son."

"Like what?"

"Well, I remember once this American tourist shiela got lost out on the Spinifex plains so ten us us went out, found her, fucked her, and brung her back"

"Well, that sounds like fun"

"Aw fuck yeah, that was great fun. Great fun that was!"

"So what other fun things do you do?"

"I recall another time me brothers prize breeding goat got out and headed for the Spinifex flats. So ten of us went out, found it, fucked it and brung it back!"

"Good fun that one?"

"Aw fuck yeah, top day that one. Great fun"

"So if that's a fun thing, how about some of the not so fun things?"

"Aw, well, once I got lost on the Spinifex flats...."