A culinary post...

There are two things I miss about the UK.

a) Cider
b) Pasties

In the UK almost every pub has at least one brand of cider. Many have two, the most common being Strongbow and Woodepcker. Strongbow is stong and dry and Woodpecker is mid strength and sweet. I grant Strongbow 8/10 and Woodpecker 6/10. The other two common ones are Bulmers (7/10) and scrumpy Jack (9/10). Some places have a proper scrumpy called Old Rosie (10/10) but it's rare. The biggest pub chain though (Gnagh! I can't believe I've already forgotten what they're called!) have recently started satocking it so it's gaining in popularity.

Then of course if you visit the west country you'll find shops and even road side stalls selling plastic containers of locally produced cider which is very nice although it tends to be amazingly strong (hence names like "Cock Drooper" and "Suicide Potion") [oh, just remembered - the pub chain is Wetherspoons and I don't like them either]

Over here very few pubs stock cider apart from bottled shit. Those that do tend to be Irish pubs so it's ridiculously overpriced Bulmers. They do have their own local brand though, also called Strongbow. I got quite excited when I saw this especially since it's only about $4.50, the same price as XXXX and the other local stuff. I tried it and it's vile. I've now discovered that it's because it's made with a blend of apple and pear juice. These wacky Aussies. Don't they know cider is just apples and dead rats?

As I spent most of my life on the road in the UK I generally grabbed food on the run and as the only time I tended to stop was for fuel the petrol station became the source of most of my meals.

9/10 times this would be a pasty. The flavour would depend on the brand the station stocked. If they stocked "Geo Adams" then it would always be a chicken Tikka slice. They're wonderful. If they stocked "Pork Farms" it would usually be a ham and cheese or chicken and mushroom. If they stocked anything else it would usually be a sandwich or wrap of some description. BP service stations with a Wild Bean cafe attached used to do a wonder selection of wraps.

But in Australia I can't get these things. The country is famous for it's pies but they have what I find to be a very annoying habit. At home our pies/pasties/slices are stored in the fridge section of shops. Here they are kepy for what must be days on end, in a glass fronted oven thing. This means that the pastry is always solid enough to break your teeth and also that the contents are hot as lava.

No matter how long you leave it to cool it will still burn you when you bite into it. I honestly left one for an hour today and it was still pretty hot in the middle. And the outsides had cooled enough to turn the pastry into concrete. Whaddup wid dat? This is a hot bloody country! England is cold! Why don't UK put pies in the oven and Aussies put them in the fridge?!

I was moaning about this to a guy at work today and he was truly shocked that in the UK we keep them in the fridge. "But wouldn't that make them all cold?" he asked. No shit, Sherlock. But have you ever received blisters to the inside of your mouth from a cold pie? No? Hmm. Didn't think so... And isn't there a microwave in the kitchen so that you could warm it in 30 seconds if you wanted to? Yeah, thought so....

BUT. All is not lost. The last time I visited here before moving over I went to pick one of TT's freinds up from work. And I arrived early. I wandered around the area and spotted a bakery. I saw a notice advertising a new product, called "Smokies - Bacon-wrapped sausage dashed with cheese and BBQ sauce before being baked in our own delicious puff pastry. $2"

I had to try one and it was wonderful. I bought about 6 and then had one every breakfast and lunch for the next three days. Yesterday I had to go to the same suburb and I couldn't wait to go to the bakery. I now have a fridge full of Smokies. And very soon I'll be about 5kilos heavier and my arteries a little more clogged.

Australian cusine? It's bonza mate, I won't have a word said against it....!