Ben Elton + How I met TT

Just for a change(!) I'm writing this on the bus on the way to work. I'm still getting the weird looks from everyone too.

With the lack of Internet, over the last week I've been doing a bit of reading and catching up with one of my favourite authors. Ben Elton.

It's a strange thing that he's amongst my favourite because I don't find his stand-up comedy funny usually. He's also not a particularly good writer - though better than many of course.

He's a strange guy in that he does live comedy stuff, he writes TV shows, and he writes novels. And he does all of these things both independently and as part of a team. I find the results vary hugely.

Take the TV show Black Adder. It's fantastic - I absolutely love that.

His live stand-up comedy - generally shit.

The books he's written - Some I can't put down because they're so gripping, others I just read because I think that perhaps it's going to improve over the drivel I've read so far. Even on page 200 of 220 I'll still keep going in the hope I'll gain something from it.

The other reason he's one of my favourite authors is due to association. I've associated four particular memories with this guys writing.

Firstly, back in 1998 I was a little sad one day. I'd just quit my first "proper" job and as could be expected from me I went to a pub.

(Grrrrrrr! A lady just got on the bus with a bracelet made entirely of jangly bells! Just hearing her walk to her seat makes me want to yank it off and throw it out of the window. But she took a seat, put on her ipod and is now tapping in time to the beat making them jangle continually. I'm not alone on this - most of the bus is staring at her angrily and tutting but the bitch has her eyes shut. Grrrrrr!)

Anyhoo, the pub was empty apart from the serving wench. I was planning on getting quietly pissed in this empty dinge hole when I noticed a book on a table. Thinking it had been left by a previous customer I went and picked it up. It was "Gridlock" by Ben Elton. I started flicking through and it somehow caught my attention.

I sat down and started reading it. I'd only ready the first couple of chapters and I was hooked. Then the serving wench came over and said "Oh! There's my book. I've been rummaging behind the bar looking for it. It's so quiet in here I need something to do at work!"

She was right. The place was deserted and she'd cleaned everything until it could be cleaned no more. It was still a dark dank smelly shit hole of a pub though. I asked if she'd like a drink and she agreed. "But," she said, "I'll have to be behind the bar incase my boss comes down. And if he does you have to say the drink is yours ok?"

I was happy with that arrangement and we chatted for a couple of hours about my shit day, my shit ex-job, and the book. I of course apologised for reading it but she said not to worry, she'd only read the first couple of pages and that she was a slow reader. I said I'd read the first couple of chapters and she said "Borrow it! You'll be done with it quicker than me, I'll read it after you!"

I accepted her offer. And yes, we ended up spending the night together. I used to be such a slut in the 90's.....

I went on to read his other books. The first one I thought was shitty was "Blast from the past". But again, I'll always remember reading it because it was at such a shit time in my life. I wont bore you with details but suffice to say I doubt I'll ever re-read it for fear of re-awakening memories of that time.

The next pleasant memory was in 2002 when I was reading "Dead Famous". The memories are good because it was my first (and only) blokey holiday. Just me and one of my mates went to Cyprus. I love Cyprus and will probably live there one day - if it doesn't get much more commercialised. I have some good cypriot friends so I still know all the best places to go to escape the tourist at the moment.

But anyhoo, this mate was considerably younger than me and suffered badly from hangovers whenever he drank. He was also desperate to lose his virginity. So it was a fun holiday. I'd go out with him and in his efforts to be more "manly" he'd get stupidly drunk and then end up sulking because I was getting so much more attention than him. I was only rude once the whole 2 weeks though. I was growing up by then.

My mornings were spent reading that book while waiting for him to recover from his hangover and I thoroughly enjoyed the reading time overlooking the beautiful beach at Paphos.

I promise I'm almost done rambling now.

My final and best reason for liking Ben Elton is that he brought TT and I together. I placed a review on some book website in 2002, she read it, she emailed me, and here I am today. Living 10000 miles from my original home with a girl I'd die for.

As you're pretty much directly responsible for bringing me together with the girl I love, if I ever meet you Mr Elton, I'll buy you a beer, ok?