The great escape

By Sunday I was truly feeling back to my normal self.....Hope this doesn't load too slowly. Click to embiggen or download....

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The booty:

The boredom continues

Still no food. Still no TV. Still no company. Still nothing to read. Feeling better. Bored with walls. Mobiles banned. Secret sms'ing people is the only barrier between me and insanity. Docs have no idea what's wrong. It's calmed down enough now that I wont be needing any more morphine. Most vital signs back to normal. Wanna go home, wanna wanna wanna!

But look! Bed go up, Bed go down....

That inpired more of my wonderful art:

I are artist.

While I'm rolling this way:

Pain. Boredom.

{BACK DATED}

Remember back in September I was taken a bit ill?

Well, on Wednesday I began to suffer the exact same symptoms ended up being collected from my house by paramedics who ambo'd me to the nearest hospital. I was in lots of pain again so they immediately shot me down with some morphine which has made the first 12 hours or so pretty hard to remember.

Basically it was a different hospital this time but a very similar (identical) routine. They done all of the cardio, ultra, xrays, CT SCAN (GNAGH!), etc. This time I had a bonus though - they decided I was such an odd case I needed to be quarantined. I was put in isolation and and only prodded and poked by docs in anti-contamination gear. Note to self: Don't tell paranoid confused doctors you've been to Peru, Bolivia and Europe in the last 6 months.

Although the pain and symptoms were worse this time (Pulse over 130, almost 40 degree fever, extreme blood pressure, extreme pain)

After a couple of days I stabalised but was kept on a water only diet fed by drip in a silent room with no TV, nothing to read, etc. For one whole day the only entertainment I got was listening to some whiner in the room next door telling the doctor of his problems. That inspired these artistic creations - A collection I called "Only me gets this bored"

Celebrations - It's nearly GBM time!

It's done.

The date is set and it's going to be fucking AWESOME.

If you think you can handle it book yourself busy on the 16/17/18 March 08 and head to Mr Vuboqs neck of the woods for chili infused vodka, HOT Chili, random witty comments and the chance to meet Mr V, Tomoko, Two cents, and ME for the first annual Global Blogger Meetup.

Mr V knows I'm coming but until he reads this he doesn't realise I'm trying to get as many of y'all there as possible. He may even tell you why it's a double celebration, but that's his news, not mine so I wont blurb. And no, he's not preggers.

Anyone attending can probbly get hotel/hostel info from Mr Vuboq if you ask nicely but I've already bagged the guest room so suck that :)

On the 19th I'll be rocking up to western canada with my partner in crime, Two cents. I'll look into setting a party date at some point there so that you wacky Canadanians can come for a meet up too.

Let me know if you're coming and you'll get a free "Only Me - 'Honoury Aussie' blog tour - 2008" T shirt. Who could want more than that? I'm flying tens of thousands of kms for this so y'all gotta make an effort ok?

Be there or be a geometrical four sided shape with identical length sides...

Messenger fun

J says:
Mind you, with her snout she probably doesn't need dogs.

J says:
Sorry, the claws fell out again.

h says:
now,now.

J says:
I must tape them in.

h says:
bad boy!!

h says:
"no more nails" should do it.

J says:
lol! Can't remember last time I was scolded by a pretty chick. I'm off for a wank now....

h says:
pervy, bad boy. You get worse.

J says:
yeah. Welcome to my world :-)

Mother & Daughter

Please excuse a totally random story from my past. (And thanks to Vuboq for providing a post-publishing appropriate image)

Back in the day I used to drink in a pub called "The Star and Garter" in the UK. It had a bad reputation for being a very rough place (There were blood stains on the ceiling which was about 12ft high). It also had a reputation for gambling which is one vice that I don't have.

However, it was very close to where my g/f at the time used to go to college so she would duck off lessons and meet me there for an extended lunch hour. While waiting for her I'd have a few beers and maybe play a couple of games of pool. She never played pool before she met me but she ended up on the girls team after a few months. I became a slight hustler, you know, playing shit, accepting a challenge for 10GBP, losing, play again double or quits, lose, play again double or pay out 50. I'd win that one and walk away. It was an easy way to make money. And it later turned into sales / bargaining skills. Everything in life is for a reason - never regret a thing.

Anyhoo, within a few months all the bar chicks knew me. If it wasn't for one of them I wouldn't be here in Aus now. She read Ben Elton books. I borrowed one from her when there was no mug around to play pool. I became addicted to Ben Elton books, signed up to a website thingy about them and that's how I met tt, came to aus, etc.

I digress again. One of the other bar chicks had a really cute daughter and although I had a girl friend at the time she certainly didn't seem to be very faithful. One time we'd arranged to meet and I rocked up to find her with a table full of guys. I walked over, gave her a hug and one of the dudes told me to piss off because she was "taken". His head met a wall shortly afterwards. Later, after the "misunderstanding" had been rectified we all went to a night club on a pier. One of them forgot the explanation after a couple of beers and decided to try and get his paws in. He met the North Sea.

Jeez, I've become distracted again. Right, this bar chick had a cute daughter. I went home with the daughter one night. We shagged like rabbits until about midnight when her mother got home. Mother (The bar chick) walked in and sparked up a joint. She shared it with daughter and I. (I did tell you I came from a quality town right?). After all the action + smoko I was knackered. I fell asleep in an armchair in the lounge.

About an hour or so later I was woken in the nicest possible way. I was being felated. I slowly opened my eyes and it was the bar chick. The girls bloody mother! Fortunately she was only about 35 and very good looking. I wasn't in the mood to object so things happened and we ended up copulating.

I was still awake at 6am so I got showered and went to work. So there ya go. Mothers and daughters eh? I can do naughty with the best of 'em.

HELP!

I've just discovered the smallish "Blue Brie" cheese in my fridge is worth almost $80. Normally with Brie I cut off the fungus white coat on the outside and take half the cheese with it.

Aussies however, tend to eat the fur. Do I become Aussie or do I waste approx $30 of cheese by binning it with the fur coat? I'm so confuselated and I had the crackers all ready too.....

Girls can't drive. Except some.

I was waiting at a T-intersection for a break in the traffic when *CRUNCH* a horrible, sickening, "you've just been rear-ended" kind of CRUNCH happened. But you know the weird thing? My ute didn't move or shudder an inch.

I knew there was a pull over point just around the corner so I took my chance and when traffic allowed I entered the intersection and pulled over. The car that had rear ended me had been on my tail since I pulled out of work so I knew it would pull over too. After all, I knew where it worked.

Sure enough, before I'd even unclicked my seat belt it was behind me. I got out and looked at the other driver. It was a chinese chick that works in our accounts dept. She was quivering in her seat, absolutely bricking it. If I've ever seen a "I need spare underpants" expression, that was it.

Anyhoo, I look at the back of the ute and not a single scratch to be seen. Then I notice I have a tow hook. Never noticed before. I look at her car (She's still quivering and sat in drivers seat) and notice a huge hole in her front bumper. It was only a tiny ickle car and it really had no chance vs my ute.

I done my best to conceal a laugh and just gave her a thumbs up meaning "You've not damaged my car", hopped back in, pressed the "silly button" and off I went. I suspect in the morning she'll be upset with me for giving her the thumbs up when her bumper was trashed. But hey, who rear ended who?

Learn to drive or suck it princess.

But I'm scared of flying....

Christmas is sorted. I'm going to the UK. But get this for a route:

Brisbane - Sydney
Sydney - Auckland
Auckland - Los Angeles
LA - New York
New York - London.

Yes. 39 hours flying. With transit times you just don't wanna know. Woah, what fun.

Coming back is much easier:

London - BANDAR SERI BEGAWAN
BANDAR SERI BEGAWAN - Brisbane

All I need to know now is where the hell is BANDAR SERI BEGAWAN?

Sorry again

Saw my parents on Friday. It was cool.

I'm wondering whether to return to the UK for Christmas or perhaps Canada. I think S will be too busy with her family and stuff to take me to Sydney.

It's all up in the air at the moment but I'm not keen on the idea of spending it alone in Brisbane. If anyone wants to come and see me then that's an option too.

We'll see eh? I'm hazed and tired. Sorry for not updating folks, been kinda busy with the airports and all....