Not a lot of news...

One good thing about cheap shitty little cars with tiny engines - they use virtually no fuel. We've done around 1000km this week and I'm sure we've only put in about $60 of fuel. Is that possible?

We dropped the car off without incident and the lady at reception asked whether I'd had any problems. I confirmed that all had been OK and that I was forever in their debt for ensuring I never ever get tempted to buy one of those particular cars.

The car hire place is next door to one of the most famous hotel in Australia. The Breakfast Creek Hotel. I don't know whether I've mentioned this before or not, but in Australia most hotels are not hotels at all. Well, not to poms like me anyway. I expect a hotel to be a building consisting of bedrroms to stay in. Over here most hotels are in fact just pubs.

When Ieave my house to walk into the city I pass QA Hotel, Waterloo hotel, Hotel Bravo, The Elephant and Castle Pub, and The Royal Geroge Hotel, Express Hotel and the Orient Inn. Out of all these the only one that lets out rooms is the Elephant and Castle pub.

Anyhoo, the Breakfast Creak Hotel is of course a pub rather than a place to stay. This has some information about it. We had a couple of beers and then after stealing some beer mats we wandered home.

Oh I do like to be beside the seaside....

As today was our last full day with the piece of shit hire car we decided to head up the coast. We decided to visit a place called Noosa which is about a two hour drive to the north of Brissy.

As the road is relatively flat we made reasonable progress. On the way we passed some very jagged mountains called The Glasshouse Mountains. I've passed them before and last time I decided I'd like to explore them the next time I drove by.





As the car has about as much guts as a mummie I decided that today probably wasn't the best time to do it, so it's still in my To Do list. Noosa was absolutely chockablock full of tourists. I think that we probably used more petrol driving around looking for somewhere to park than we used getting there.

We were planning on walking through the Noosa National Park rainforest because apparently there are lots of secluded beaches around the coastline that can only be reached on foot.





However, the 30+ temperature quickly convinced me that that was a stupid idea. A beach is a beach eh?

So instead we wandered through the main town and stopped at a Hogs Breath cafe for some lunch. Hogs Breath are another chain, and I think American Steakhouse would be the fairest description. I'd never been to one before but I've been looking forward to trying one.

The waitress that showed us to our table appeared to be about 12 years old. As soon as we were seated and she'd gone to fetch menus TT and I both looked at each other and said in unison "She's about 12!". A short while later another waitress came to take our order. No word of a lie, she was even younger than the 1st. I'd guess about 10. We didn't think she'd be able to take an order for beers but it didn't seem to bother her.

We then noticed that the kitchen was open plan and for some reason we weren't overly suprised to see that their appeared to be only one adult watching the kitchen and a bunch of kids were doing the actual cooking.

The food was well cooked and although I didn't like mine it was due to my taste preference rather than it being badly cooked - I just found the BBQ Hickory sauce way to sweet for my liking.

As we left a young mother was pushing a pram into the establishment. Any other time I would have assumed they were going for a bite to eat. Today though I couldn't help but wonder if the baby was perhaps applying for a job as as overall manager or something.

Noosa was certainly nice enough but it does seem to attract way too many trendy and beautiful people. We felt very out of place.




After driving back to Brissy we picked up our friends and took them back to our place for the consumption of christmas pudding and mucho beeros and vino collapso. The Simpsons drinking game went very well. Can you believe that a bunch of adults played Simpsons Uno for about 4 hours without stopping? Well, the beer and wine helped.

I why didn't I have the cunning idea of rigging the cards beforehand? It would be so simple to make it look like an accident. Do I have to corrupt everything? Well, yes, I guess I do...

Drinking games and Yellow Fever

In preperation for the South America trip we went and got our essential
vaccinations today. It's a bit of a pisser because they're free in the UK but
really expensive here in Australia. To make matters worse, I've already had all
of the required jabs. But when I left the UK it didn't occur to me to pack my
certificates. And Australian immigration will not allow entry back into Australia
from South America unless you can show proof of yellow fever, Hepatitis A
and various other vaccinations.

So we went along, filled in the forms and got stabbed several times each. TT
hates injections so much bribing with the nurses free lollipops was required.
Well, I say free lollipops, but in reality they were probably the most expensive
lollipops on earth as we ended up paying just over $500.

The nurse warned us that in 6 - 8 days we'll probably feel quite fluey, but not to
worry, it's just our bodies recovering from Yellow Fever. I can already imagine
the scene back at work in a weeks time:

Boss: "Hey Jay, you look a bit fluey, do you think you should go home?"
Me: "Oh no, it's not 'flu, just a touch of Yellow Fever and Hepatitis"
Boss: [Edges back nerviously] "Umm, well, if you're sure...."

We all know that vaccinations work by infecting your body with a small amount
of an illness to "teach" our immune system how to fight it off. But how come
we are not then contagious to other people? I'd never considered it before but
I'm almost curious enough to google it.

After the jabs we went and visited a place called Chermside. It's the biggest
shopping centre in Queensland I believe and it is massive. In the new year
we're planning to go on a bit of a fitness/detox thing so I decided some games
would help pass the evenings in lieu of beer. After trawling around the shops
for about 3 hours we'd only managed to pick up a pack of Simpsons Uno
cards. They'll keep us amused for hours eh?

We got home and TT taught me to play Uno. She was amazed I'd never
played it before. I've played similar games with normal playing cards before
though so it was hardly difficult to pick up. After a couple of games we
became a little bored so we turned it into a drinking game instead. Basically we
each chose a character from The Simpsons and then each time that character
appeared in the discarded pile the player with that character had to take a swig.
No drinking allowed unless your character appears. This leads to bigger swigs.
We had great fun and were pissed within a couple of games.

We have some friends coming over tomorrow with the intention of eating the
Christmas puddings and getting totally pissed. I think our newly invented
game will help.

Finally, a slightly more normal post

Our kitchen is very small. The only problem worse than the lack of work area is the lack of storage space. I realised this morning that I could free up a drawer and half a cupboard by doing some kitchen filing. I decided that a row of spice jars would definitely look very good on top of the cupboard, as would some of those large storage jars filled with flour, sugar, pasta, etc. A trip to IKEA was rapidly organised.

I'd heard that a new one has opened recently just south of Brisbane and the rumour is that it's bigger than a big thing chucked out of Bigville for being to big. The rumours weren't wrong. Although I'm surprised that no one had told me that the car park was marshalled by a bunch of idiots. All cars were being waved along to the parking level on the roof. Despite the fact it was completely full and there was virtually no way of turning around to get back down again.

It was the only time I've been grateful that the hire car is such a little piece of shit. Most real cars were getting wedged in all sorts of dead ends and then realising that they'd have to reverse about half a kilometre to get out again. We eventually ignored the marshals and parked on a lower level where there were spaces galore.

Despite planning to buy just some storage jars and spice jars we ended up with:

- Clothes horse (Saves using the drier - electricity savings!)
- Set of wine glasses (Because TT hates me drinking wine out of a pint jar, or worse, the bottle)
- Couple of replacement bowls (I've had an unlucky run and smashed 2 recently)
- Couple of normal drinking glasses (ditto reason above)
- Bright green fluffy snake (Because it's cool)
- Large stuffed giraffe (My mother collects them)
- Clothes pegs
- Bedside lamp (Wanted one for ages to save me from getting up to turn the light off)
- Wood stain (Had to buy it because of the large warning sticker on the side: WARNING - RISK OF SPONTANEOUS COMBUSTION)
- Storage jars x 4 (At last, the thing I came looking for!)
- Spice jars x 12 (Ditto)
- About a dozen IKEA pencils and measuring tapes (Because they're FREE)

Nothing is ever as simple as planned is it? TT decided to assemble the lamp and accidentally snapped a bit off. I fixed it using a cunning blend of PVA, sellotape and match sticks (ironically, these are the exact same materials I used to fix our tumble drier a couple of weeks ago - don't ask)

The kitchen looks much tidier now. I still hate IKEA.

Meeting the family #2

TT spoke to her mother last night and arranged that we would go and visit her today. She suggested that we meet in a Gilhooleys bar in her nearest town. Gilhooleys is a chain of Irish pubs and we often frequent the one in Brisbane. They have a pretty typical pub menu of reasonable food.

TT's mother doesn't go out very often and this was the first time she'd been to a Gilhooleys. The difference between us and her mother was quite startling. TT and I ordered without even looking at the menu while her mother and brother spent at least 20 minutes deliberating over what to choose.

Her mother went Irish stew in the end which was probably the best choice. Her brother went for a Guiness pie and wasn't impressed at all. TT and I both decided on rather bland burgers. Although of course we didn't know they were bland until they arrived.

I like to think I'm still in favour with her mother and brother. It all seemed to go rather well.

After lunch we went to a shopping centre and realised that the Boxing day sales were really rather impressive. I bought a few new shirts, TT bought a couple of tops and a skirt. It was like Kritmas all over again. Sorry, had to get the word in again. Don't worry, wont happen for another year...

My first Kritmas with TT. Aaaah.

My first Christmas with TT
In the UK I usually spend Christmas eve at my parents place together with my sister and niece. Niece is only 7 so for the last 6 years she's woken us at the crack of dawn and insisted we all get up immediately to open presents.

This year I was expecting to have more of a leisurely start to the day. I'd completely overlooked the fact that TT is a bigger child than my 7yr old niece. She shook me awake at about 6am and dragged me out of bed.

TT spent way too much on me and got me some v nice aftershave, some books and what she calls a "Jay proof watch" It's a Seiko, it's silver, it's shock proof, water proof, scratch resistant, the works. I'm very impressed.

I got her lots of small gifts because we're saving for our South America trip. These included:
2 frog gnomes
Box set of Black Adder including the two special episodes
David Bowie DVD
Complete works of Jane Austin
Travel stuff
Video camera
chocolates

As always I wrapped everything in such a way to make it unidentifiable.

In case you're wondering why the gnomes, a few days ago TT said that she'd love to collect gnomes. I trawled through Brissy looking for gnomes everywhere. The closest I could find were two large frog gnomes. They are now very happy in our mini rain forest and have been christened Froggy and Froggo. Australians have great imagination when it comes to naming eh?

We also got various gifts from around the world. These included:

- A zippo lighter for me from friends in the UK
- Makeup and girly stuff for TT from friends in the UK
- A stick steven picture from Mr VUBOQ in US
- A bottle of wine from an uncle in South Africa
- Videos and assorted goodies from family in UK
- More travel stuff from some friends here in Aus
- Bottle of wine from Helen in Aus

All in all we done rather well I feel.

I cooked a full english breakfast and then we decided to head up to a place called Mt Coot-tha for our picnic. It's a mountain with wonderful views of the city. We didn't have a coolbox to transport our picnic so I made a load of icepacks by wrapping piles of ice cubes in tin foil and wedged these in between the food that needed chilling.

Our pathetic little hire car really struggled up the mountain. The road isn't all that steep but the car really is shit. 2nd gear all the way because third just led to a steady deceleration even when it was floored.

The picnic was a success even though it was too hot to eat very much and we were still pretty stuffed from breakfast. The rest of the day was spent rather leisurely and after returning we watched a whole series of Black Adder. All in all a rather enjoyable affair.

Seasons greetings y'all.

Kritmas eve

Are you getting sick of the "Kritmas" references yet?

We're planning to go for a picnic tomorrow so the only activity we undertook today was some shopping for picnicable foods.

In an announcement that totally shocked TT I stated I would be going to church tonight for the midnight service. In the UK I usually go with my family as it's one time that my mother likes us to make the effort.

As my friends all like to meet up for a pre-christmas drink I'm usually quite merry by the time of the service. This year will be no exception.

Party before Kritmas

We've been invited to a party! Fellow blogger Helen has invited us to a pre-christmas party at her place down on the Gold Coast. It was a struggle for the little car but we made it at last.

Helen had asked everyone to contribute some kind of food for the event and I'd been looking forward to cooking some stuff. However, following the cooking of the Christmas puddings the stove top was still kaput. The oven was working ok, but just about everything I cook involves the use of the stove top too.

So, to make best of the situation I made a sticky toffee pudding which I baked at home. I couldn't make the toffee sauce as that involved stove top. So I took all the ingrediants to Helens and made the sauce there. I also made some Sangria while there which consisted of vodka (much), red wine (about a gallon), ginger beer (some) and orange juice (remainder) with loads of fresh fruit chopped up and chucked in.

Yes, we got drunk. Yes, I'm sorry. Was an excellent party though! Jenga is the best at these drunken occasions innit?

Kritmas is nearly here!

I got the whole Christmas period off work. I was planning to spend most of it blogging, drinking copious amounts of beer and fill the spaces inbetween with driving around and exploring in the hire car I'd booked for the period.

If, after such a long period of neglect, I still have any readers left you'll already know that this didn't happen. I'm not sure where the time went, it just vanished. And I only got completely drunk once (Thanks Helen!)

Our company broke up just after lunch time on 22nd December. The boss gave us each a chirstmas card with a $5 scratchy in it. Although I didn't confess this to anyone. Anyone that asked was promptly told that I got a $50 note in my card which led to much annoyance for my co-workers. When they protested that it wasn't fair that they'd got a scratchy I just attributed it to being a contractor.

I went and collected the hire car and couldn't believe that I had actually been upgraded. I'd originally booked a "Small Car" zand then received an email saying that as they'd screwed up I'd been given a free upgrade to a "medium car". Honestly, you wouldn't believe it. I've coughed up things larger than this car. It's so tiny I'm worried I'm going to lose it. The engine is down scaled appropriately too. It's about 12cc.

On a plus note I've managed to get all of my Christmas shopping done. We don't have a christmas tree but the pile of presents is beginning to look quite impressive.

Christmas Party Story

This is actually 3 stories. And the 4th is about to happen. So I'd probably better break it into individual posts. The summary is thus though:

1st:
We got invited to one of TT's friends work party. It was excellent. The hosting venue weren't expecting us of course so they tried to charge us a cover fee. I looked indignant and said "But we're here for the XXX Ltd Christmas party!" at which they looked sheepish and admitted us free of charge. I done similar things at the bar all night. A fun time was had by all without telling any real lies.

2nd:
The agency that got me my job held a party. I met my agency "co-workers" and realised that they were all overpaid pricks. Then I re-assessed myself. Hmmm. Enough said.

3rd:
The party by the company I actually work for. This was tres posh and very swanky. TT got to wear the diamond earrings I bought her for her b'day for the first time. Met funny people, none of which were supposed to be there. Refer #1!!!

4th:
There was supposed to be a 4th but it got cancelled at the last minute, so the 4th now is:

4th:
Blogger party! The girl I met through this very blog is having a party tomorrow! I've got much news about this but little time and even less time to sleep in preparation.

I've now got a week off work! Hurrah! A week of blogging, reading blogs, posting stupid comments, etc. Wow! A whole week! Can't wait...

Aussie wildlife. Again.

For the last few weeks I've acquired two friends in my mini rain forest outside the house. One is a gekky (Loud clicky lizard thingy) that turns up every evening and clicks on the wall next to me while consuming bugs.

Because of his excellent bug eating qualities I like him. I just wish he'd get throat cancer or lose his sex drive so that he didn't click so loudly.

The other friend is a Possum. He seemed great. He'd go swinging around the trees making smashing noises and occasionally accidentally choose a palm tree. These occasions would make me laugh because he's unable to grip a palm tree and he'd fall out. He'd land on the floor, look at me as though it was all my fault and then piss off again.

This was fine. Acceptep protocol. Until the other day. He climbed out of the trees and landed on the tin roof that shelters part of our out door area. Bemused by this change in event I watched him. He walked (or is it ambled?) along the edge of the roof then paused above me.

I expected some kind of gesture from the animal. After all, he seemed to have made the effort to get close to me. Guess what he done then? I don't need to tell you do I?

Let's just say I was suddenly wet. Yes. Fucking WET. Shitting pissing fucking Possum! They're almost at the top of my list of despised animals now. Defintely top of the "CUTE LOOKING BUT BASTARDS" category as I had to make that cat up just for him.

I hope all the other bastard animals gang up and poison/eat/burn/entomb him. Bah.

Merry Christmas all....I'm off to Surfers Paradise in the morning to meet other QLD blogger(s). Yey!

The South America Story

As promised about a million ago (it's a busy time this festive season, innit?) I'll update you on the new years travel plans:

I'm due to finish my 6 month contract with "well paying company" around 20 Feb. However, on a previous visit to Australia, before I even realised I would be moving here, TT and I booked a tour of SA.

So now I have to finish on the 16th of Feb instead but that's no big drama really is it? At least, I hope not, because in a post I'm yet to write, they've offered to extend my contract.

But anyhoo, this tour commences in Peru. We have to get our own way there. So far we've got two flight options we're looking at. One goes via Chile, the other via the Falkland Islands. As the Falklands are British I'm not sure I'll get a passport stamp. So I'm not keen. It's all about using up passport pages you see?

Chile sounds much better and it adds another "proper" country to my "visited" list. Saying I've been to the Falklands is a bit like saying I've been to Wales, or Scotland. They're all the same really aren't they?

If this was a popular blog that comment would probably get me killed but I am (at least) semi-justified. Firstly, TT is Welsh, secondly, many of my family are Scot. Those that aren't Scot are Irish. Dad completes the mix by being English so I'm probably the truest Brit possible. So cease widya bitchin' innit boyo?

So, after our trip via Chile we're starting in Peru, Lima. Then we take a mix of internal flights, buses, taxis, trains, etc to visit: Nazca Lines, Colca Canyon, Cuzco, Sacred Valley, INCA TRAIL TO MACHU PICCHU, Lake Titicaca. We then head off to Bolivia for some rain forest and end up in La Paz.

Then it's a bit open ended. The bits above are pre-arranged but from this point on we have no plans. We're planning on heading over to Brazil and probably just chill out in Rio d.j. for a bit. I've been there before and it's a good chilling area.

After that we're back to Aus and then I'm flying almost immediately to Europe. Visit with family and stuff for a week or so, then back here and back to work. Gotta pay the bills some how eh?

Hoping to catch up with some Europe bloggies about late March though, hint hint.

The pudding story

As promised, the story of the Christmas puddings. In the UK our family traditionally make
our own Christmas cake and Christmas pudding. Both of these are very rich fruit based
desserts. I don't like Christmas cake but I like pudding. The reason for this is that I
don't like candied peel. So while my mother follows the recipe for the cake I omit the peel
from the pudding. I put in some finely chopped glace cherries instead.

I couldn't remember the recipe because it's very long so I asked my family to send it to me.
I remembered the ingredients roughly though, so for the last couple of weeks I've been
buying some stuff each time I go to the shop. I'd accumulated raisins, sultanas, currants,
spices, etc by the time the recipe arrived.

The recipe turned up on Friday and I figured I had to make the puddings that weekend because
they take 8 hours to cook. Cooking them during the week would involve getting up several
times during the night to check the water level so there wasn't really a choice. We went to
the shops on Saturday and bought the remaining ingredients together with pudding bowls, huge
mixing bowl and an extra saucepan for the cooking. We have one large saucepan but as the
puddings take 8 hours to steam and I was planning on cooking two I decided it would be best
to get another saucepan rather than being tied to the stove for 16 hours.

I also searched Brisbane for a trivet but I couldn't find one anywhere. As the only purpose
of the trivet is to keep the bowl off the bottom of the saucepan during steaming I figured
I'd have to improvise. I bought some metal cookie cutters!

We got home from the shop and layed out all the ingredients. At that point I realised that
when I'd been buying fruit I'd bought the last packet of currants at the supermarket and
they had no more. So I was short by one packet of currants. Went back to the city and
bought some. Not a good start.

The next challenge was weighing out the ingredients. I'd forgotten to buy scales in the
city and I didn't want to make a 3rd trip. I asked the neighbours but no one had any scales
I could borrow. So I done what any normal person would do. I converted the recipe into
grams (my mother still uses pounds and ounces) and then made my own scales/balance. This
consisted of a large piece of wood which I drilled and inserted two pencils to act as a
pivot in the centre.

I then measured out 50ml, 100ml of water, 200 ml of water which I transferred into those
very light plastic sandwich bags, tied them in knots and removed the excess plastic. I then
used this to weigh out my ingrediants.

The mixing went without drama. Juicing the oranges and lemons was difficult without a
juicer but I'd already considered this at the shop and bought extra.

The mixture had to rest over night so now we fast forward to Sunday morning.

I transferred the mix into the bowls and put two layers of tin foil over the top. Now to
secure with string. Shit. No string. No worries though, did you know the laces from 32
holes Doc Martins go around a pudding bowl twice leaving just the right amount to tie a
knot? Well, you do now.

Then I realised the cookie cutter trivets held the bowls too high in the water. More
improvisation required. In the end I used the metal lids from beer bottles. Had to drink
the beer as it doesn't keep untopped very well. Shame eh?

The cooking seemed to go very well. We had ample mix left over to make two further smaller
puddings so I refilled the bowls and went to the stove. I turned it on and there was a
bang. We're now waiting for the real estate to fix our cooker.

At least we got two puddings out of it all though. I may just buy one next year...

Guess what?

I'm a bit pissed. I've got loads of news and no time to tell you. I doubt you'd be able to guess though. But at least this confirms that my laptop is still up and running.

A huge bug jumped on me today. I thought you should all know.

Christmas Party!

I got invited to a Christmas Party! It was tonight! It was fun! It's the only party I've been invited to thus far. I made up for the shortfall of invites by ensuring I have lots to talk about. I'll tell you all about it tomorrow eh?

We're going to South America

As I'm sure you're all aware, we're heading off to Argentinia, Peru, Bolivia and Brazil soon. I need vacinations for this. I travel lots so I already have lots of vacinations. So I called UK Dr to find out what I needed. It turned into a drama. I'll tell you about it tomorrow....

Christmas pudding

I decided that I'd treat my new Australian friends to a traditional English Christmas Dinner. You know, Turkey, Stuffing, million vegies and Yorkies. Even though Yorkies usually only occur with roast beef. The pride however was going to be Christmas Pudding. I dont like Christmas Cake but I love pudding. I've made it for my family since about age 6 or 7.

I've got a long story to tell you about this. I'm out of time so it'll have to wait until tomorrow. Sorry. To qwell your desire for news I'm waiting for a call from the Real Estate agent to arrange access for replacing the stove....

Didn't I do well?

CELEBRATIONS

My laptop is fixed! It's been interneted for about 45 seconds now and I though you dear people should be the first to know. Gimme a few mo's to get some software installed and I'll be back to bore the shit out of you with posts galore. Yes. Galore.

Happy! Happy! Happy! Got my lappy! I'm happy!