oh my

I have no recollection of last night. I'm told I passed out in a drunken haze.

Despite being taken to bed by two neighbours + 2c amazingly no hangover.

And having been up for an hour for some reason some vino sounds like a good idea.

Good ideas need to be actioned so I'm on the case (or cask?)

Are I bad?

Don't answer that, it retarded. rhetorical.

OMFG. 2c just emerged from the shower and opened a beer. She bad also?

:)

OMFG

Arrived back in Aus already knowing I'd have brand shiny new next door neighbours. Rocked up, introduced ourselves, 10 minutes later they were round and chilling on me deck.

They are so cool it hurts. J and S and of course before I visited the GBM E had moved in one door up. So since I got back it's been H, J, S, E, plus me, here on the deck pretty much every night. I'm not sure whether it's my liver or my eyes that hurt more.

Actually, both.

Night two (thursday?) there was an unfortunatee incident with S where after everyone else had gone to bed we got way too close. We didn't have sex but things got a little steamy. I was crapping about it since that not really the "done" thing with a neighbour you've only known a day or two. But luckily all is good - we talked about it the next night and agreed it's best forgotten in the nicest way.

Last night something else happened with someone else but at the moment I'm still trying to get my brain to function as we didn't get home until 4.30am. Possibly details to follow but probably not. It was wrong. I've spoken to girly involved within last hour and sh has even less recollection than me. I think it's another thing we'll just have to put into the category "whoops".

Loves y'all......

PS. When 2c get's her arse of bed I'll borrow her USB cable and upload some photos of recent stuffs. You lucky peeps.

The worst kept secret in the world

2c (Canadanian H) has flown to Australia and is living here for the time being. She is tops. But I think everyone knew that anyway. Just wanted to share incase anyone has been living under a rock for the last month or so.

Highlights of Washington DC

Sorry for lack of updates, it's been a blur.

- Visited capitol (and the grotto(It's where you water your horse to make it grow(Don't ask, these random ideas occur when 3 surreal bloggers get together in real world)) ) building twice

- Visited an art gallery. 2 Cents almost got us thrown out by insisting on touching the paintings. I believe her best moment was when she managed to take a picture of herself touching Jebus's nipple. She bad.

- Food, glorious food! Mr Vuboq has the best taste in eateries/drinkeries EVUH. We went to a tapas bar to die for. We went to a cafe bar which gave loyalty cards for any substantial purchase and almost filled a card (Mr V gets a free meal after buying another 2) We went to a happy hour place, no idea where, and had $1 vodka cocktails and more awesome food. Vuboq, Goblinbox and 2c can really cook so we had awesome foods at his place.

- We attended another bday party for one of Mr V's neighbours which was just amazing. Vuboq hard boiled some eggs so we could dye eggs. The food was once again amazing (real food, not dyed eggs (well, apparantly two met with tragic eatingness but that certainly wasn't the primary food!)

- 2c and I ventured into realms unknown on a mission to find a place that stocked products she needed. The chick that gav us the lead said it was a ten minute bus ride. 10 minutes? Try fucking 45. We were beginning to seriously wonder whether we'd gone the wrong way or missed a stop or something but it all worked out good.

- Blobbing around the house. Chez Vuboq this is a great experience. He's the best host ever. If I was gay I'd be at the front of the queue of people waiting to go down on him.

- That's enough too much info for one post so I'll stop now.

- To summarise - AWESOME. BLOGGERS ROCK.

Happy Easter

Vuboq Bloggers drinks too much.

- Wake up.

- Bloody Mary's (With rosemary sprig stirrers - this man is a fucking legend)

- Mr V cooked cheese gritz which I'm assured were mega yum but as many of you are aware, I can rarely do food before the arvie.

- More Bloody Marys (with chili sauce)

- Realise that neither my lappy or moby charger work here.

- Further Bloody Marys

- Bus/metro to a westfield mall

- Order GBM 2008 T-shirts (I are organised eh?)

- DRINK A SOFT DRINK - WOOT!

- Get told of by a securty guard for drinking aforementioned soft drink "No food or drink!"Watch in amazement as the refridgerator shaped security guard produces a chocolate bar from his large person and wanders away munching it. Cunt. (But don't tell him I said that. I've seen slightly smaller mountain gorrillas than him)

- Dinner at Burmese restaurant - I think the chef is schizo because everyone seemed to have different views on their meals. Some were supposed to be spicy and weren't and vice versa. Admitadly I asked for v spicey but I wasn't quite expecting what I was served. It was way ott, not really spicy, just extreme chili. Which is one of my pet hates. Spicy is not the same as "1/2 kg chili powder".

- Vuboqs B'day party. This is a blur of infused vodka inducted funness. Around 25 people attended, 5 Litres of vodka, 750ml of tequila, 750ml of rum, +random extras.

"teh friday"

This is being typed from the comfort of Vuboqs living room while 1 blogger sleeps on the floor next to me, another two are in Mr V's room and another is on the floor of the spare room. Yes, I survived the arduous journey here and so far have survived Vuboqs attempts of alcohol poisoning. Just.

The journey here was surprisingly uneventful - I think the most noteable incident was smuggling 3 bottles of vino past customs in plain view only to have them spotted by boarding security. Who were so confused about how I managed to reach that point with them they embarked in a debate amongst themselves and completely forgot to actually confiscate them so I went on board with them. It provided entertainment in the long waits between connections. I hate paying airport bar prices cos I'm a tight cunt.

I arrived at some point on Friday evening and was collected from the airport by Sassy. Unsurprisingly (because I'm used to it now) one of her first comments was about how australian my accent is. Yes. I get it. Y'all can shurrup now ;)

The drive to Mr V's house took about 45 minutes and if ever there was a chick that could teach anyone to chuck a u-ey it's sassy. She is so accomplished at this I think she showed of her skills around 30 times. Well - maybe fewer and maybe one or two were caused by me reading the directions and saying "I think that was the turn we just passed!" Followed by "Oh wait, no, it's the next one"

Mr V greeted us and then 2c came down to meet. Hugs ensued (I hate huggs after a long haul flight cos I'm acutely aware that I smell so bad that my nasal facilities have shut down to avoid the torture so I can't even guage how bad it actually is) but I was certainly willing to make an exception in this case.

We then went upstairs were I was introduced to the fabulous cleo, goblinbox, hyphenated too.
Wine (aka Vuboqs first attempt at alcohol poisoning) followed. The rest is rather a blur.

A quick summary

Private jets are cool

The safety / security at Gove is way OTT

I sorted the down time in 3 hours rather than 3 days

I've been showered with praise for my skills

Gove is a shit place - 2000 men in one camp, one mess, one wet mess. {Vuboq - don't fill ya under dungers with man yoghurt, wet mess with 2000 boys isn't what you think}

Cairns airport has improved radically over the last 3 years since I've been there

My new neighbour is lovely

Credit card fraud is fun for no one. Especially when I get ripped for over $3000 in less than half a day during last 24 hours. Cunt.

I think that is all in summary. Naturally I have much more on each. What ya wanna hear about first? I'm about for one night then away to central QLD. Gnagh.

Amazed

My boss just sent an sms: "Well done on phase 1 Jay, you've done an awesome job. Thank you"

Thanks!

From the boss!

I didn't know he had it in him!

If only he'd done that before I wouldn't have even bothered with the pay rise and I wouldn't take naps in my secret downstairs office.

"Thanks" is all it takes to make me really happy :)

Phase two begins in 6 hours and the moment it's done I'm off to central Queensland. And then I'll be jetting to Brissy to get my flight to Global Blogger Meetup. The week we get back from that they're talking about me going to Gladstone again.

Then my sister arrives for two weeks. It's all too awesome.

I apologise in advance for lackings of postings. I'll do my best.

Where's your god now?

If you work for Rio Tinto Alcan Australasia he's typing this right now.

I have the contents of your servers in my house. And until I arrive in northern aus tomorrow thou hast nothing. That's right. I've shut down your servers.

Be nice to me. Be very nice and I'll put it all back onto your new servers. If you're not I may drop something by accident. I get clumsy when I'm distracted by fucking nerdy tit arsehead cunts who think they are gods gift to IT. So just don't tempt me into getting clumsy ok?

Your loving admin,

J

PS. Don't like? Awww. Suck it princess.

Gutten Tag!

I have an obsessive reader in Berlin. Please, please, leave a comment at some point. It's not fair to tease me this way. Everyday I see the little flag appear that shows me you've read again. I like to be able to relate to my readers. All I can relate to you is that you habitually turn up to work late on a Saturday...

Time stands for no man

Something rather strange has come about in the last 24 hours. Something that is most strange. Something that makes me feel an emotion I can't really describe. Hence, I wont even try. Yet.

Stay tuned.

PS. It is a good thing. And that's the understatement of 2008, unlikely to be superseded.

Toasted Sandwiches

Please, can anyone tell me a filling for a toastie that doesn't involve cheese? I tried tuna and onion tonight which works perfectly well in a standard sarny but tastes like chipboard subsequent to the toasting process. I just can't think of anything that doesn't involve cheese.

Someone save me

I have a large spidey in my house. Could someone less girly come and fix it please? Bring tow ropes.

Veggie meat juice

If you're a dedicated veggie do you have to spit or is it acceptable to swallow?

How cool is my dad?

A few bits of news for ya'll.

On Monday week the IT guy at one of our project sites is leaving. And to be an utter shit and cause maximum chaos his blaze of glory has been to issue an irretractable instruction to decomission an essential server here in Brisbane and have it's data relocated to North Australia.

The technical term for this is "Being an award worthy cunt".

And I've ended up with the task of making it happen. Fortunately, I like this kind of stuff. Anything is better than sitting in the office. Once I established that this server being out of action was going to cost us $1/4m every two hours I was given a limitless costcode with matching credit card. Mwah ha ha ha!

I now have 2 x 1Tb external HDD's sitting on my desk. I also have a pilot waiting to fly me to Gove in NT first thing on Friday morning. I'm going to make a full backup of the server on Wed night onto Drive 1. Then same on Thur night to Drive 2. Some people would call this "blatant increase of hours on timesheet for no real work". I call it "Safety in the form of reduntant backups". Although I think "Aaaah. Beer and smokos while waiting for a computer to do it's shit for 2.6 5 hours."

So at a cost of over $10k I take my private jet to North Aus on Friday morning. This is easily justified as the moment the last backup is made I'm throwing the switch and the site will be out of action. And at the afore mentioned $1/4 per 2 hours, it's in company interest to get it up and running again. Commercial airlines will take 9 hours to get me there. Mr Private Jet gets me there in 3.

And this brings me onto the title of this post. How cool is my dad?

I rang him tonight to update him of these things. And the conversation went:

Me: ".....So, there's ya update. Pretty cool eh?"

Dad: "It's just you on this plane?"

Me: "Yep. And the pilot of course"

Dad: "And you're meeting him in the departure lounge and he's just walking you out to the jet and off you go?"

Me: "Yep"

Dad: "You've got enough gifting of the gabbing to talk anyone into anything. Haven't you always wanted to fly a jet plane son?"

Me: [Eyes open in wonderment] "Ow Wow! I didn't even think of that! Wow! Dad! You're awesome!"

Dad: "Just let me know how it goes compared to your stupid fast car and my stupid fast bike. And see if you can arrange to let me have a go next time I'm over"

I loves my dad. Even if I have to go down on the pilot, being on a learjet isn't enough now, I wanna fly me a learjet. I live for claims to fames.

Student Prank

I heard a nice story yesterday about a student prank that occured a few years ago in Sydney. It was during rag week which is the time that students traditionally pull pranks. One lad noticed some road works going on, 5 or so men digging up a quiet back street.

So he calls the police and tells them that the work men are in fact students playing a prank. Then, with no time to lose he visits the work men and informs them some of his fellow students have anaged to get their hands on some police gear and will be along shortly to try and stop them from working.

Then he just sat back and watched the fun ensue. I like the guys style.