Meat free monday defrosted...

I bought some pumpkin the other day because I wanted to use my new food processor to make some pumpkin soup. As regulars are aware I don't really "do" recipes but I didn't have any idea on how to cook pumpkin soup as being a pom I've never used it before. In the UK we only use it to make Jacko-lanterns at halloween. I read a few recipes kindly provided by S and google and then I came up with this, my own bastardised version. I'm very pleased with it :)

Dead Simple Spicy Bastardised Pumpkin Soup

Go fetch:
1 onion
1 small red chilli pepper
couple of cloves of garlic
1 tsp fresh ground cumin
1 tsp ground coriander
1/2 tsp allspice
1/4 tsp nutmeg
splash of olive oil (or butter) for frying
About 1kg of pumpkin
1 potato
1 litre of vege stock
100ml or so cream

Go do:
Heat oil or butter in a large pan. Add chopped onion, garlic and chilli. Fry about 1 min. Add spices and fry gently for another minute or two. Remove from heat and add the vege stock. Add chopped pumpkin, chopped potato and bring to boil.

Stir every five mins or so. I tend to add and remove cover as required. The goal was to have liquid just covering pumpkin by the end of half an hours simmering.

Allow to cool. If you've still got too much liquid then let it cool uncovered so the steam can escape. If it's looking about right then leave covered. (Duh?)

Blend it in a couple of batches until smooth. This can be stored in fridge for a day or two or you can proceed straight to the servy bit:

Go eat:
Add to pan, add cream, reheat stirring frequently.

Simple huh?

I served this with wholemeal bread chunks (toasted with sprinkles of grated cheese)

Thoughts and comments appreciated as always...Oh, and even if you don't like it (you're too weird - stop reading now please) you've got to like the name I've invented for it?

PS. This post is called "meat free monday defrosted" cos I wrote it a little while ago but since I've been away I took it out of storage to give you blog-hungry peeps something to read that makes it look as though I write stuff even when I'm tired from travel and worky stuff. Oh bugger, I've given it away now - some of you'll be guessing I sometimes back date stuff too :) ....

The good, the mad and the ugly....

This morning we got up and headed to the local shop (not in a "League of Gentelmen" way) pretty early. S wanted to make sure we arrived early enough to get a paper. Apart from when my local market is on I'm not normally an early person at the weekends. This may now change for a while because I've got to do this again next weekend.

Why?

Because there was a superb mad lady there! I've got to try and get video footage of her. Incase you've not already associated the image, she's rather like the "crazy cat throwing lady" from The Simpsons.

We were walking harmlessly along the aisle when we suddenly heard a noise kind of like "Huuughhhh! Ngggwah bleugh! Mutter mutter mutter zillobby! He HE Heeee HE!" I looked ahead to see a lovely doddery lady bum picking up random items from the supermarket shelf and just throwing them at her trolly several paces ahead. She'd then wobble up to the trolley, give it a shove ahead and then begin throwing stuff at it again.

Wonderful! Pure old lady madness! I stopped in my tracks in preparation to point and laugh. S grabbed me and pulled me away. Some people are no fun. We shopped a little further and while S was looking for something or other I pointed out that I needed to just go and get some... But no. She knows me too well:

S: "Jay! You are not going to go and laugh at that lady!"
Me: "I'm not! I just need to get some...."
S: "No you don't! Stay here."
Me: [mutter mutter mumble]
S: "She can't help it! Leave her alone!"
Me: "Ok. I will" [points gleefully the opposite way] "Oooh, look, values!"

I then ducked around the end of the aisle and go to try and find mad lady but she's gone. And I daren't search the whole store because that would make S annoyed with me. So I've mentally filed it for now and I'll go hunting for my mad lady again next weekend. I feel I must share her with the world.

My shopping adventures didn't end there. Later that avo we found ourselves in another shop. Suddenly upon turning a corner I found myself face to face with a person who I thought had to be Brisbanes Ugliest Woman. After an involuntary shock freeze I managed to gasp an intake of breath and avert my eyes from the torturous site. In fact, I actually had to close them to break the ugly hypnosis. I was just beginning to start the sentence "Oh My God S, look at that!" when I was frozen in thought at around the "Oh My...." point. Why? Because I'd just opened my eyes and they happened to be focused on something I thought impossible:

Yes. It was an EVEN UGLIER WOMAN!

Without pausing my brain somehow changed my semi-formed sentence into: "Oh My God. I've seen the two sisters, where the fuck is Cinderella? Please let me see Cinderella...."

S looked at me in shock while already beginning an indignant "Jay!" but then simultaneously spotted the two things causing my understandable distress. She pulled me away but couldn't help smirking. The reluctant smirk of course led me to justify my comments by explaining that the vision of "those two things" alone were the reason I'd never be able to judge an ugly contest; Faced with entrants like that I wouldn't be able to choose a winner - I'd just donate the same prize money again, declare them joint winners and beg them to go away and stop hurting my eyes.

Hey ho. Fun work travel stuff for the next few days. Have a great weekend peoples. If you see anyone mad or ugly, don't be afraid to laugh. I do it to the mirror every morning :)

Employee Review

Last week I received a company-wide email about "Changes to company policy" and I didn't react well - I let rip about all the crap policies and "initiatives". And I didn't fume internally, I sent a response "To All" aka, the whole company, stating what I thought was wrong with it.

Unsurprisingly I got called up for a meeting and fully expected my contract to be terminated. In fact, I even mentioned that in the email - The opening line was "I fully expect this to terminate my contract with COMPANY but...."

Strangely enough I wasn't shot on the spot. Although I was only supposed to be here for a 3 month contract, it's now been a year. Then of course they sent me up to Gladdy last week which isn't the sort of thing they normally do for someone about to be fired. Anyhoo, today I received a TOTAL SHOCK.

I was given an "EMPLOYEE REVIEW FORM"! And I'm a contractor! They actually wanted my opinion about stuff!

Imagine the scenario. I work in an L shaped office with 5 other people. 5 people share one bit, I have the bit around the foot of the L to myself. I started filling in my form and got bored. A thought crossed my simple mind and this happened:

Me: "Hey! Anyone! Is "fuckwit" one word, two words or hyphenated?"
Voice From Someone: "Errrrr. Think it's one word mate"
[10 secs later]
Me: "Eric! How do you spell your surname?"
Eric: {swallows audibly}

[1 min later]

Me: "Anyone! How do you spell cunnilingus?"
VFS: {cough} "It's C-U-N-N-I-L-I-N-G-U-S}
Me: "Cool. What's the name of that nice chick upstairs that works with Greg?"
Everyone else: {Coughs, chokes}

[1 min later]

Me: "Anyone! Does our email firewall ban the word 'cunt'?"
Eric: "YES! It definately does!"
Me: "Fine. Eric, can you come around here and help me reword this bit about you?"
Everyone else: {Sniggers}

I love reviews. I don't kiss boss arse. Does it show?

Love is...

when your work PC tells you it's time for your monthly password change and without even thinking you type in your significant others name followed by the month....

Wonderful day

Went to cinema with S to see The Simpsons movie.

Loved every moment.

The movie was ok too.

Me the whore

Friday arvo

Office Manager: "Are you busy at all this weekend?"
Me: "Yup"
OM: "Oh. You know, it'd really help if you could stay an extra day to finish this off?"
Me: "I'm sure it would"
OM: "So you will?"
Me: "Nup"
OM: "I was planning to go away for this weekend but I'll stay and open the office if you stay another night"
Me: "I don't get paid extra for working weekends, I'm just a contractor"
OM: "How about staying until midday and I'll put a full day on your timesheet?"
Me: "I don't have enough clothes to stay another day"
OM: "Buy some - I'll put some extra hours on todays timesheet"
Me: "Same hotel? Lift to airport? Extended allowances for tonight?"
OM: "Yes! Please!"
Me: "Ok. But I'm going to work from the hotel for the rest of the today, I don't like this office"

So that's why I ended up staying another night in Gladdy. I'm just too nice. Or a whore. Yeah, whore is probably more accurate. I'm home now though.

OMG

I feel such a child. But I feel like an oldie too. I'm watching "Annabelle the sheep" visulisation on Real Player. I've never explored the menus before but now I've found this I'm trying all sorts of music to get her to dance.

Yes I'm sad.


OMG #2:
You can change stuff by clicking! When will these wacky programmers stop? Who'd imagine it?

BBQ!

Last night I was so tired I fell asleep. I awoke at 8pm and went out to find food. Gladdy was shut. All three restaurants shut by 8.30.

Honestly, if I'd wanted to paint this town red it would only have taken a bottle of nail polish.

I did call the guy collecting me in the morning though and told him to cancel. I said I'd get a taxi in about 8 instead. I was too tired to fancy getting up so early.

I had a leisurely morning and rocked up to the office about 8.30. At that point they asked if I'd had breakfast and I realised how hungry I was. I'd not eaten since, erm, day before yesterday. I told them I'd missed breakfast and they told me that was a good thing as they were having a proper aussie BBQ at 10.

It was fantastic! My first real aussie BBQ! Prawns, Barra, Chicken, Steak, Chops, Burgers, Snags, Salads, Breads.....

I was so empty it only took a little food to fill me but it was great. I really enjoyed it. Naturally, being a construction site there was no beer involved but that didn't matter.

Worked until 2pm when I was told that the office closed for the day so I needed to stay another day.

I had no drama with this apart from the lack of clothes. I'd only packed for a max of one night away. Then the site manager simply suggested I put 5pm on my time sheet and spend the extra $ on buying some more clothes. With one small amendment I accepted that offer. 7.30pm on time sheet.

I got back to the hotel and checked in again. I layed on my bed, looked around for the TV remote and then noticed a suitcase and some trainers on the side. I called reception and they moved me to another room with huge apologies.

A tiring but uneventful day really. Sorry for boring you with this but I do use it as my personal journal too you know? During the evening in particular I wished S was here because she would have loved the restaurant I went to. (Yeah, I went out before 8 tonight!)

A one horse city

Today I flew to a place called Gladstone in central Queensland. I'd been warned not to expect too much, but the warnings were hugely understated. Gladdy is a city but never before have I been to a city with 3 clothes shops, 3 restaurants, 2 pubs, two real estates and 1 supermarket. There are rural suburbs 30km from Brissy central that have more facilities than that.

To call it a one horse town is an overstatement. Perhaps that was true at some point but someone appears to have shot it since.

It does have industry though. Like, shit loads of industry. It has Queenslands largest aluminium refinery. It has coal mines. It has a very busy port (well, about 4 of them). It has power stations. I was there supporting one of our company projects that involves building a conveyor belt to carry coal from the stock pile to awaiting ships. Just like the conveyor belts at your local supermarket but on a slightly larger scale. Unless your supermarket has checkouts 3.9km long.

Here's an aerial photo of the place together with a red dot indicating me - well, the office I was working from.


The black area is the coal stock piles. To give you idea of the size of them they are topped up by ten train deliveries daily. The trains are in the area of 3km long and each pulled/pushed by 6 locomotives. That's a lot of coal being shifted each day eh?

And yep, those boats in the foreground are supertanker sized.

It was unsure whether I'd be travelling back to Brissy tonight and sure enough the work didn't get completed in the one day so I'm staying here tonight. I can't complain about the hotel. I type this from the balcony overlooking the pool. I'm tired. I was up at 4am to fly here, worked until 6pm and they say they're collecting me at 5am in the morning again. Joy. :(

Suddenly I realised

Today I spoke with a complete stranger. That person knew more about me than I realised possible. S made me talk to him. Now I want to talk to him again. Thank you S, you don't know how much you've helped me.

Sorry it's so cryptic everyone else, but be assured - she's done something real good.

And incase anyone hadn't already realised from previous posts, I've fallen in love with S.

Sniff this

Scented toilet paper. Who? Why? What the fuck?

The smell isn't strong enough to smell without putting your nose on the paper. And I don't want to actually do that. Call me weird, but putting my nose on toiler paper just ain't one of my hobbies. I may be a huge pervert but sniffing toilet paper doesn't do it for me.

However, what does "do it" for me is good value. I'm sure perfuming the paper must cost more than not perfuming it? Hence, I'm sure this cost must be passed down to the consumer. QED perfumed toilet paper costs more.

So, I'm not keen on sniffing my toilet paper and it's costing more.....

I'M GETTING DOUBLE RIPPED!!

It sucks to be someone that pays attention to their shitter paper....

I'm sure you're all really glad I shared this with you. Please, don't thank me, there's no need. I'll even post you some if you want.

Brissy bums strike again....

I just decided to pop to the shops to get some spinach before they shut. On the way back I bumped into my ex-neighbour who was (unsurprisingly) entering a take-out food shop. We talked and I entered the shop with him. I spotted they had some kebabs. Not like donna kebabs, but good old fashioned meat and veg on a skewer type kebabs. I love those. So I bought the last two.

I finished chatting with my friend and then carried on my way. An extremely greasy and smelly bum shuffled towards me as I was crossing the car park. (How do they move so fast without visibly moving any limbs? Do they glide?)

He asked me for a smoke so I obliged at arms length. Then this happened:

Bum: "Hmmm. Can I have one of those?" [looks at my kebabs]

Me: "No! That's my dinner"

Bum: "But you've got two and I've got none"

Me: "I work loads of hours, you work none. Good night"

Bum: "Copulate away you fatherless female genitalia"

Well. He wasn't quite so eloquent. He actually said "Fuck off you fucking cunt bastard" but let's not split hairs eh? He didn't even thank me for the smoko...

Brother and sisterly love

We have a tradition in my family. Every year my sister and I have a sunflower growing contest. When I lived in the UK neither my sis nor I had gardens so each year we used to fight over the best spot in our mums garden, buy our own seeds and then urge our flowers and employ and fair tactic to try and grow the tallest.

Last year I of course moved to Aus so we skipped a year. However, this June a small package arrived in my mail box. If was a packet of sunflower seeds from the UK. And get this, they were Hybrid GIANT ones! The writing on the packet said to expect all plants in excess of 180cm. Whoo hoo! And I figured I also had the benefit of the Australian sun - even though it's winter here it's about the same temperature as the UK and much sunnier.

I bought a planter, soil, the best fertiliser and plant food I could find and basked around waiting for glory. Each time I spoke to a member of my family they asked how the seeds were going and I proudly and truthfully told them they were going great. Then of course it was time to visit the UK. I entrusted my sunflowers into the care of my most green fingered neighbour who promised to care for them.

When I returned to Australia, imagine my shock to discover what my devious sister had done. My wonderful sunflower was still strong and healthy, but it was beginning to flower! My sister had bought giant sunflower seeds but she'd also bought dwarf sunflower seeds and switched the contents of the packets.

It's still done quite well for a dwarf variety, but the second flower is about to open and it's reached approximately 100cm.

You may think that's amusing, but I'm having the last laugh. Family are all in the UK, not here. They have only my word for the progress so now I understand why she was so shocked to hear about the growth. And I'm continuing to spin this to darling sis. I just sent her an SMS telling her my best plant is now too tall for me to measure.

Soon they're gonna ask for photographic evidence, but I figure this will help.

Political correctness gone mad has reached Australia

I saw an advert on TV tonight that made me sad. It was for a harmless product and yet the small text across the bottom of the screen read : "Incorrect usage may cause harm"

No shit.

What, used incorrectly, does not have the potential to cause harm? If I bought a bag of marshmallows, sewed them together and used them as a safety helmet it probably wouldn't work.

If I made a helmet from marshamallow, and I was walking along the street only to get landed upon by an ACME 10 Ton anvil, see birdies circling my head with annoying tweety sounds, one thing would be the last on my mind: "Go chasing that damn marshmallow company for failing to warn me that this wouldn't work!"

Challenge: Can you think of anything that couldn't cause harm if used incorrectly?