Employee Review

Last week I received a company-wide email about "Changes to company policy" and I didn't react well - I let rip about all the crap policies and "initiatives". And I didn't fume internally, I sent a response "To All" aka, the whole company, stating what I thought was wrong with it.

Unsurprisingly I got called up for a meeting and fully expected my contract to be terminated. In fact, I even mentioned that in the email - The opening line was "I fully expect this to terminate my contract with COMPANY but...."

Strangely enough I wasn't shot on the spot. Although I was only supposed to be here for a 3 month contract, it's now been a year. Then of course they sent me up to Gladdy last week which isn't the sort of thing they normally do for someone about to be fired. Anyhoo, today I received a TOTAL SHOCK.

I was given an "EMPLOYEE REVIEW FORM"! And I'm a contractor! They actually wanted my opinion about stuff!

Imagine the scenario. I work in an L shaped office with 5 other people. 5 people share one bit, I have the bit around the foot of the L to myself. I started filling in my form and got bored. A thought crossed my simple mind and this happened:

Me: "Hey! Anyone! Is "fuckwit" one word, two words or hyphenated?"
Voice From Someone: "Errrrr. Think it's one word mate"
[10 secs later]
Me: "Eric! How do you spell your surname?"
Eric: {swallows audibly}

[1 min later]

Me: "Anyone! How do you spell cunnilingus?"
VFS: {cough} "It's C-U-N-N-I-L-I-N-G-U-S}
Me: "Cool. What's the name of that nice chick upstairs that works with Greg?"
Everyone else: {Coughs, chokes}

[1 min later]

Me: "Anyone! Does our email firewall ban the word 'cunt'?"
Eric: "YES! It definately does!"
Me: "Fine. Eric, can you come around here and help me reword this bit about you?"
Everyone else: {Sniggers}

I love reviews. I don't kiss boss arse. Does it show?