The good, the mad and the ugly....

This morning we got up and headed to the local shop (not in a "League of Gentelmen" way) pretty early. S wanted to make sure we arrived early enough to get a paper. Apart from when my local market is on I'm not normally an early person at the weekends. This may now change for a while because I've got to do this again next weekend.

Why?

Because there was a superb mad lady there! I've got to try and get video footage of her. Incase you've not already associated the image, she's rather like the "crazy cat throwing lady" from The Simpsons.

We were walking harmlessly along the aisle when we suddenly heard a noise kind of like "Huuughhhh! Ngggwah bleugh! Mutter mutter mutter zillobby! He HE Heeee HE!" I looked ahead to see a lovely doddery lady bum picking up random items from the supermarket shelf and just throwing them at her trolly several paces ahead. She'd then wobble up to the trolley, give it a shove ahead and then begin throwing stuff at it again.

Wonderful! Pure old lady madness! I stopped in my tracks in preparation to point and laugh. S grabbed me and pulled me away. Some people are no fun. We shopped a little further and while S was looking for something or other I pointed out that I needed to just go and get some... But no. She knows me too well:

S: "Jay! You are not going to go and laugh at that lady!"
Me: "I'm not! I just need to get some...."
S: "No you don't! Stay here."
Me: [mutter mutter mumble]
S: "She can't help it! Leave her alone!"
Me: "Ok. I will" [points gleefully the opposite way] "Oooh, look, values!"

I then ducked around the end of the aisle and go to try and find mad lady but she's gone. And I daren't search the whole store because that would make S annoyed with me. So I've mentally filed it for now and I'll go hunting for my mad lady again next weekend. I feel I must share her with the world.

My shopping adventures didn't end there. Later that avo we found ourselves in another shop. Suddenly upon turning a corner I found myself face to face with a person who I thought had to be Brisbanes Ugliest Woman. After an involuntary shock freeze I managed to gasp an intake of breath and avert my eyes from the torturous site. In fact, I actually had to close them to break the ugly hypnosis. I was just beginning to start the sentence "Oh My God S, look at that!" when I was frozen in thought at around the "Oh My...." point. Why? Because I'd just opened my eyes and they happened to be focused on something I thought impossible:

Yes. It was an EVEN UGLIER WOMAN!

Without pausing my brain somehow changed my semi-formed sentence into: "Oh My God. I've seen the two sisters, where the fuck is Cinderella? Please let me see Cinderella...."

S looked at me in shock while already beginning an indignant "Jay!" but then simultaneously spotted the two things causing my understandable distress. She pulled me away but couldn't help smirking. The reluctant smirk of course led me to justify my comments by explaining that the vision of "those two things" alone were the reason I'd never be able to judge an ugly contest; Faced with entrants like that I wouldn't be able to choose a winner - I'd just donate the same prize money again, declare them joint winners and beg them to go away and stop hurting my eyes.

Hey ho. Fun work travel stuff for the next few days. Have a great weekend peoples. If you see anyone mad or ugly, don't be afraid to laugh. I do it to the mirror every morning :)