Greece, prepare yourself, I seem to be forgiven...

I've been out working with various customers in the Bath and Bristol area. I saw a truck with GET SCREWED written on it. Until I got home, that was the highlight of my day.

When I got home I found TT laying on the bed surrounded by holiday brochures. As I've got no appointments next week (She'd called the office and checked) she'd decided we should go on holiday to celebrate my birthday. She's chosen a place called Santorini and it looks wonderful.

It's a Greek island. I love Greek islands.

I've never heard of it before so I'm guessing it must be a fairly non-touristy place. I guess the comment yesterday was perhaps just a result of tiredness or something. I'm very happy.

Devastated

I finished my conference today and before undertaking the long drive to Bristol we went to a pub to get some food. TT told me that she wasn't ready for a relationship. I was devastated.

I drove to Bristol in record time. She fell asleep so I put my foot down. I didn't do anything to put her at risk, but I did drive quickly. It was a way of venting my frustration. The journey took us about 2 hours. That's an average speed approaching 100mph. Whoops. Fuck. Eh.

When we arrived we checked into our hotel and TT made a bitchy comment to me. I don't have any appointments tomorrow morning so I decided to be very immature. I bought a packet of cigarettes for the first time in almost two months, a bottle of vodka and then went and sat in my car and consumed the lot while listenening to loud music. Alternating between Eminem, Queen, and other random stuff..

About 3am I was woken by a security guard banging on the drivers window. He thought I'd comitted suicide! The thought made me laugh and I decided to face the music and walk back to the hotel room. TT murmered in her sleep and we never spoke about the incident again.

When my girlfriend is sad, I'm sad

TT still not happy. Still don't know why

Why?

TT doesn't seem happy. I'm not sure why.

a million driving. Yes, a million. And in central London it ain't fun

I get up at 5am and drive to London. It's about a three hour drive but after I pick her up we're going to be on the road for a week or two so I needed to do some packing before heading off. TT called me just before she arrived in London and said she'd been delayed. I couldn't help but spoil the surprise and tell her that I was already waiting at Victoria Station for her.

I picked her up about 10am and then we drove up to Bolton, in the North East of England. I've got a three day conference to do here and then we're off to the South of England to visit some clients. All in all I'm very tired. 5am start, drive to central london, wait around london, drive to bolton, set up exhibition stand. Really glad to have my TT back though.

Waving goodbye and being naughty

I took TT to Norwich (our nearest city) to catch a coach to Edinburgh. That's where her tour begins. We arrived in the city early so we went for lunch in the Bell Inn. I can recommend it. I'd have thoroughly enjoyed it if only it wasn't for the fact it was the last time I'd be seeing TT for a week. Still, better a week than an unknown time in Europe.

I came home I got stoned. Completely and utterly. Yes, I know it's not big or clever but I needed a distraction. I got fucked off my face. I suppose that consitutes smoking? Whoops.

My TT is off again :(

I've been manning a stand at a conference all day. I met TT for lunch though. She'd managed to discover a "Down Under" bar. No suprises there eh? She'd also been to STA (A travel agency) and picked up some literature on tours of Scotland.

As she'd decided to hold off her Europe travels until I could be with her she'd decided to do something more local instead.

She booked herself onto a Haggis bus tour of Scotland. Having read the Itinery I'm quite jealous, but at least it's only for a week and then she'll be back. Much better than her heading off to Europe for an unknown destination and quantity of time! She leaves on Saturday.

You think you know it all...Cardiff travel lodge=shit

Got to go to Wales today. Bah.

A delivery guy knocked on my door at 7am. Not only have I got to go to Wales but I also have to take a load of stuff there so work has hired a huge van/truck for me to take. I took the keys and drove to the office to collect all the stuff I needed to take to Wales.

The drive was pretty unevenful. We stopped at a service station and got caught up in a gangster funeral. Dont ask. Just dont!

We then met the strangest couple ever in Wales. We were stood in the reception of the hotel when the following occured:

Old Hag: [speaking to her old man husband] "You think you know it all, you do!"

Old Man: "I don't! I don't know anything!"

Old Hag: [Turns to TT and nudges her] "He thinks he knows it all, he does. But he doesn't know anything!"

Old Man: [turns to me and nudges] "I don't know it all! I don't know anything!" [Turns back to his wife] "You think I know it all but I dont!"

Hag: [nudges TT again] "See? He thinks he's clever but he knows nothing..."

Man: [nudges me]"She's mad. She thinks she knows everything, but she knows nothing. I know it all"

Me+TT: [Aaagh!] "Reception?! Please?!" [both rush to ding the bell thing]

We check in and we're given our room card (Card, not key - posh eh?)

5 minutes later we're still waiting for the lift. A bloke walks past and offers "That lift never works, stairs are much quicker..." Good eh? We take the stairs. We walk into our room. The first thing we both notice is a bright red used condom on the floor. Nice. We then notice a couple of empty vodka bottles on the bed-side tables. The TV remote control is missing. The TV refuses to turn on. A quick look in the bathroom reveals a huge turd in the bath.

I storm down to reception and demand immediate rellocation and reimbursement. This is TRAVEL LODGE btw. One of the Uk's leading hotel chains. I know they're "cheap and cheerful" but finding a giant turd in your bath is not cheerful. Neither are discarded condoms. By the time I used the stairs to get to reception (Don't forget, the lift is fucked) there had been a shift change.

The new staff spoke no english. Always handy, eh? After using sign language and a notepad to convey the multiple problems they suggested another room. I accepted and they tried to charge me again!

My only advice is NEVER stay at Cardiff Travel Lodge. Let me type that some more incase anyone does a search: Cardiff Travel Lodge=NO

I can't repeat enough,

Cardiff Travel Lodge=NO
Cardiff Travel Lodge=NO
Cardiff Travel Lodge=NO

Where don't you want to stay in a travel lodge? CARDIFF! That's right, well done.

Where don't you want to stay in Caridff? TRAVEL LODGE! That's right, well done you too...

North Norfolk, Horse sanctuary, four seasons in one day

For once I'm not due anywhere on Monday morning so I get the whole weekend off! We weren't too sure what to do this morning, so after thinking to myself "we don't spend much time in the car..." [snigger, snigger, snort] I decided to take her on a drive-about. We headed up the coast which is pretty scenic.

The last time I drove that route I was actually entertaining an Indian couple and they were trying to teach me Punjabi on the way. It's weird the way the human mind works. As TT and I drove along one windy road today I was thinking "Mama, Mami, Papa, Papi, Khan, Gi Dahn...." and other Punjabi stuff. I've not thought of those words for a couple of years but today they just came flooding back so my brain must have some how associated them with the landscape?

We headed up the coast with no particular destination in mind. Then I remembered that TT loves horses and we have a horse sanctuary up that way. We went there. She loved it. It's grown since I last went. They are now almost an entertainment zoo with all manner of animals and shows. I was a little shocked at the admission price of something like 10pounds per person, but once we got in I saw why. They've certainly changed from the charity animal sancutary they were last time I visited and we were occupied for a couple of hours.

Our fave display was the "Coutning Pony". It was a little pony that had been tought to stamp its hoof the required number of times. It couldn't count any more than I can speak Mongolian. Ie., Not at all. But it could stamp it's hoof between 1 and 5 times depending upon the trainers body position. We watched the show a few times and it seems that he used almost a kind of semaphore language. If he raised one hand the pony stamped once. If he raised both then it stamped twice. If he moved his left foot forward it would stamp three times, etc.

Our major entertainment came from trying to work out the code he was using. He was doing it very subtly of course, a left foot forward was more like a tiny shuffle so it was pretty difficult to spot.

Between shows the pony was put in a stable and we went to visit him. I waved my arms about and shuffled around on my feet. The poor pony danced like a tap dancer on ecstacy. I like animals so I didn't do it very much, but it was funny.

We left there and went for a pub lunch. It was a really rural pub and I enjoyed it. We then continued up the coast to a place called Wells-on-sea. Something really odd happened that I'll never forget. We stopped to re-fuel the car. TT had one of her her favourite CDs on: "Crowded House", the song was "Four seasons in one day".

It had been sunny all day but as I got fuel it suddenly got really windy and rainy. Didn't think much of it at the time.

We arrive in Wells, parked in the carpark, and couldn't get out of the car. Why? Because it started fucking SNOWING! In Norfolk - in May! Totally odd. And the day thus far had been sunny and hot. Hence the relevance of the Crowded House song. Four seasons in one day was the most apt thing ever. We drove home in extreme rain. We stopped at a place called Sutton, in the hope to visit the aquatic centre, but due to the weather they'd shut early.

We saw a mummy duck trying to cross a busy road with her baby ducks and the cars weren't stopping. I stopped my car, got out, (got soaked) and stopped the traffic to let her cross safely. Aren't I nice?

Frogs legs, garlic, smelly cheese. Guess where we've been? Great Yarmouth!

A really weird thing happened today.

Our local town occasionally hosts a "French Market". Basically loads of French guys come over and sell their wares to us. The local market guys hate it, but it still happens a couple of times a year.

Last night I had a dream which reminded me of it. I called my mother this morning and asked her when they were due to visit. I though TT would probably enjoy it. Mum told me it was on today.

How weird is that? It doesn't happen the same week every year or anything. And I've not read about it in local press anywhere because I've been away for weeks. Just so happened that I dreamt, called mum about it, and it was on today.

We went along. It was ok. Very overpriced as always. They only come over here to rip as much money out of the English as possible. The only thing I buy without fail is a bowl of "Pomme de terre Provencial". They're excellent. Spicy fried potatoes. We got some and then headed off around town to eat them.

I realised it was the first time I'd actually taken TT into my own home town. She's been here a month and we've spent all the time on the road or in the rest of the UK/Germany. Welcome to my life girl! I showed her around and we had a good day.

Another 3000 miles driving around the UK

This week we've been all over the place again. We've been down to Torquay, across to Wales, up to Yorkshire. We've done about 3000 miles. And some to-ing and fro-ing inbetween. Just got home. Knackered but at least I have the best passenger in the world while driving...

We're back from Germany

One of my friends that knew/thought he knew I would be back from Germany without TT had organised a party to take my mind of things. It seemed rude not to go after his thoughful action. So I went. I smoked. I smoked naughty stuff. I'm bad. Sorry. Only for one night though.

Guess what happened in Germany?

This morning TT went to shower and I put on MTV. Eminem was showing, the song was Mocking Bird. I already knew the words but my mind was racing with thoughts to them:

"I know sometimes things may not always make sense to you right now
[NO! They don't! I love you, why are you staying here TT?]

But hey, what daddy always tell you?

Straighten up little soldier Stiffen up that upper lip What you crying about?
[I can't stand the thought of being without you TT]

You got me
[No. No I don't.]

Hailie, I know you miss your mom and I know you miss your dad
[oh God. When TT's dad died I was the one she turned to. Even though I was 10000 miles away - why is she leaving me now?]
Well I'm gone but I'm trying to give you the life that I never had [sob]

I can see you're sad, even when you smile, even when you laugh [Laugh? sob]

I can see it in your eyes, deep inside you want to cry
[She does want to. So do I. I am. Into my pillow so she can't hear]

Cuz you're scared, I ain't there
[But you're not scared are you TT? You want to stay here. On your own.]

Daddy's with you in your prayers
[I'll be thinking of you every moment of every day TT...]

No more crying, wipe them tears
[but you're not crying, I am...]

Daddy's here, no more nightmares

We gon' pull together through it, we gon' do it
[Yes! That's right! We bloody are!. It's only Europe, not Australia, I'll catch up with her every weekend!]
Laney, uncle's crazy, aint he?
[I'm nuts]

Yeah but he loves you girl and you better know it
[She'd better know it!]

We're all we got in this world
[sob. Yes. She's everything to me]

When it spins, when it swirls

When it whirls, when it twirls

Two little beautiful girls
[if we ever have a daughter, that'll be you two]

Lookin' puzzled, in a daze

I know it's confusing you
[It's confusing me!]

Daddy's always on the move, mamma's always on the news
[Is this why you're leaving me? Because I'm always on the move?]

I try to keep you sheltered from it but somehow it seems

The harder that I try to do that, the more it backfires on me

All the things growing up his daddy that he had to see

Daddy don't want you to see but you see just as much as he
did

We did not plan it to be this way, your mother and me
[I didn't plan it this way either. I planned to never fall in love again...]

But things have gotten so bad between us
[No! They haven't! We're perfect! Why are you leaving me?]

I don't see us ever being together ever again
[Yes we will! Every weekend!]

Like we used to be when we was teenagers

But then of course everything always happens for a reason
[But why??!]

I guess it was never meant to be
[Don't say that - this is meant to be!]

But it's just something we have no control over and that's what
destiny is

But no more worries, rest your head and go to sleep

Maybe one day we'll wake up and this will all just be a dream
[a nightmare you mean? Surely?]

Now hush little baby, don't you cry...
[I have to. I must. I've got to get it done before TT get's out of the shower]

I cry silently into my pillow to expel the awaiting tears before TT gets out of the shower. I manage to clean myself up just in time before she emerges.

TT: "Jay?"
Me: "Yes?" [being careful not to look at her incase she can tell I've been crying]
TT: "I think I'm going to come back to the UK with you today."
Me: [choke, cough]"Sorry?"
TT: "I think I'd rather come back with you and plan my travel a little more. Would you mind?"
Me: [big tears welling up again]"Baby! Mind?! Of course not, I've just been sobbing my heart out here while you were in the shower!"
TT: "Really? I thought it was just me"

We went for the most joyful lovers walk in the park ever. Nothing on earth mattered to me apart from the fact I was hand in hand with the girl I loved. We walked along this wonderful avenue:

And then we saw this:



which made us laugh. The pot is about 6ft high

And we fed the ducks here:



Then we flew back to the UK and TT had to go through the interrogation process again because of her Australian passport. We finally arrive home to find her British one has arrived. Typical eh?

A day in Hanover

We caught the train to Hanover. Buying the tickets, even with my crappy German skills, was pretty simple. The only thing I wasn't sure about was the class of ticket we'd bought. Naturally I'd gone for the cheapest option and I wasn't sure whether that entitled us to catch the posh-looking express train or not. According to the timetable, the one after it would take almost twice as long to get to Hanover.

We decided to just get on the first one we saw. Nobody came around to check our tickets.

Hanover was great. We explored and came across this church:

You can't help but notice it ruined. Trashed. Roof=ex-roof. We done that to it. Us. (Well, not TT and I of course!) but the British. I know it sounds ridiculous, but although I know all about the Germans bombing London during WWII (and my grandmothers shop in my home town) it had never occurred to me that we Brits were horrible bastards and doing the same to them.

I like the first photo, the one taken from behind a huge cross that marks where the alter used to be - it's very "arty" for me...

It was a strange place to visit but thought invoking. Are there really any "goodies" or "baddies" in any war?

Behind the church we found a swing park and TT and I acted completely childishly by seeing who could swing the highest. I think I won. The swings were possibly the biggest in the world and we got excellent views of Hanover at the apex of the swing. However, to make the most of it we had to synchronise ourselves and do it in tandem. Once we accomplished that the whole swing set started making ominous creaking sounds so we eased up.

We then went to the Ratskeller, our town hall. It's pretty cool - This is the inside:



Inside there are various 3D models of Hanover at various points in history. From when it was a small settlement a thousand years ago, to how it was in the 1800's, to pre- and post-war and today. Interesting stuff, and it's free. That makes it even better!



And this is it from the outside. I took that while lounging in a sunny grassy park and watching some lesbians make out. Some things never change eh?

We wandered further and had a traditional German lunch. Wursts. I showed myself up with my totally inadequate German speaking again.

We saw two buskers having a fight over what was obviously a lucrative busking spot. The guy with the accordion won and the bongo-drum man sulkily left while muttering abuse in German and gesturing at accordion man who was already merrily squeezing away.

Mid afternoon we caught the train back. We weren't so lucky this time. A guy came around checking tickets and I although he spoke no English I gather we had the wrong tickets and he wasn't happy with us. After much smiling at him and shrugging (this often makes foreigners decide that the English are too stupid to deal with and piss off) he just started shouting.

I got out some money, he snatched some Euro notes, scowled, stamped our tickets and marched away without checking another ticket in the whole carriage. Why us eh?

When we got back to Celle we began to stroll back to the hotel. On the way we saw a pool hall. ("Pool" as in the game with balls, tables and sticks, not the swimming kind) so we decided to go in. We had a beer each and played some pool on the biggest pool tables known to man. I love pool, because I'm too crap for snooker, but these pool tables were virtually the size of snooker tables so I was shit at that too.

We then looked at the drinks menu and noticed loads of spirits we'd never heard of. Unfortunately I can't remember what they were called because next to each on was the % alcohol they contained. As it was our last afternoon together and we were obviously both beginning to feel a little sad we done the obvious thing. We drowned our sorrows with a depressant drug called alcohol.

We done this by looking down the column of % alcohol and choosing the strongest ones. I think the best was 62%, so we had a shot each. Then 58% - glug, gone. Then 55%, followed by 48%. Then we played pool some more with another beer. The very happy barman (the strong spirits weren't cheap, and he'd probably had them gathering dust on his shelf for over a decade) kept bringing us salty snacks to eat. I'm not sure whether he was trying to give us something to absorb the alcohol or if he was just a sadistic bastard that wanted us to hurl.

Today is one of the best I've had with TT, I'm glad our last day together has been spent doing the things we love the most - exploring new places and getting pissy. I'm very lucky in that alcohol doesn't seem to affect my boy bits so we make love for hours - the last time for a while I guess.