What the fuck?

Has happened to my layout?!

I've not touched template for about a gazzillion years.

Why are all my linky loves, profile, etc, at the botton of the page or sometimes not at all?

I'm an IT pro, and in the same way that painters/decoraters have the most shoddy houses I can't be fucked to look into it. Can anyone give me a quick fix or someone to blame? I'm looking at YOU for answers Gobbo.....You work in support. I give you password and ac details and you make it all good right? Right? Ow, come on, I made you brekky at vuboqs place....

No Hoax Sunday

I just signed into Internet banking to check my balance. For the first time in 30 months I wasn't greeted by a security alert telling me to ignore the latest hoax email that reads as blah blah blah.

They always give an example of the email with "SPECIMEN" watermarked across it. Why do they do this? Why not be a teany bit more direct? Rather than give us account numbers just give us unique names such as IDIOT3, WANKER5, TWAT17, NUMBNUTS1...

Bear in mind of course the average hoax email looks something like this:









Der Customer,



Weev forgutten yur account number and passwordz. Can you email them to hoaxer@hotmail.com plz?



Cheers M8,



Westpac bos.

PS. Before we lost the account info a Nigerian dude said he wanted to give you a load of cash he couldn't gey out of the cuntry or sumfink so we gave him yer stuff.

==================================================================

I mean, really. Oh, and by the way Mr Westpac, who demonstrated their intelligence by sending out new credit cards to their customers with a letter saying "Please find enclosed your more secure credit card. For your convenience the card is ready to use, all you need to do is sign the back and you're good to go...."

Just how many thousands did that cost when you had to reimburse all the people such as myself that had the letter and card stolen from their mailbox and fraudulently used? And you think we need reminders of the importance of security?

Fridge demons

They exist.

Here is my evidence:

- There is ALWAYS butter spread on the inside of the lid. I never store it upside down so how does it get there?

- There is ALWAYS a piece of rotten fruit or veg in the salad crisper no matter how thoroughly I clean it, even on an hourly basis.

- No matter how airproof my cheese container is cheddar ALWAYS goes orange and brittle at the edges the moment I close the fridge door.

- The most messy / expensive thing in the fridge migrates to the very front so that when I open the door it falls out and goes all over the floor and causes me heartache.

- Sometimes I hear it chuckling evilly as I walk past.

OK. The final point isn't quite true. But that's irrelevant. I have enough evidence already.

Is it just my fridge, where ever I live in the world, that gets possessed or does any one else have this demonic presence in their kitchen?

What are we to do about this menace? I'm sure the local vicar isn't willing to stop poking boys up the bum to come and bless my fridge and I'm pretty sure I wouldn't want him near my food anyway. I'm at a loss.

Suggestions welcome.

Oh. And I'm sure he's short circuited the lighting thing so the light stays on when I close the door - how do I check? Again, suggestions welcome.

Ice burger nerder

I'm sure that I've been told only 1 third of an iceberg is the part we see "floating" on the ocean. So when I drop a cube of ice in my morning glass of water how come it's almost enitrely under water? Something to do with salt water bouyancy?

I feel like Archimedes. Or Einstein. Or Newton. For fucks sake, who was that dude that jumped out of his pool and shouted Eureka and waved his todger around? Whoever the perve was, I feel like him. I want to bath and then add an ice cube to measure the displacement.

I'm seriously considering making some saline ice cubes and experimenting to find out if Titanic type oceans are any different to my glass of ocka aussie water. I'm allowed to be a nerd if I want. And why aren't there labs available for rent for these kind of things? I'd pay.

Overheard gems

Yeah, apologies for not posting and all that bollocks. Believe me, work is in progress and the situation will improve. (Well, improve if you like reading my drivel, situation will become shitter if you hate me and come here to read in the same way you look at a car wreck)

Anyhoo, today I took the bus home from work. The two loud guys behind me were having a conversation:

Idiot 1: "It'd be really easy to stop these traffic jams"
Idiot 2: "Really? How?"
1: "Well, look at the gateway motorway over there. Most of it is filled with cars."
2: "Yeah, and?"
1: "Well, imagine how many more people you could get along the motorway if we filled those big articulated trucks with seats in the back?"
2: "Wow! That would really cut down the number of cars!"

Er.....

Is is just me or is a large vehicle filled with seats called a bus? The very thing they were sat on? Oh jeez. I refrained from turning around and exploding. Then they started the next conversation:

2: "You got anyting planned for the holiday weekend?"
1: "Gotta knock down me shed. I love me shed"
2: "Why you knocking it down then?"
1: "It's made of asbestos so I've got to smash it down so they can build a wooden one on Tuesday"
2: "Will it take all weekend?"
1: "No, that shit shatters really easy. I'll just bash it and it'll take longer to sweep up the pieces than the taking down"

Gods help us.