Fridge demons

They exist.

Here is my evidence:

- There is ALWAYS butter spread on the inside of the lid. I never store it upside down so how does it get there?

- There is ALWAYS a piece of rotten fruit or veg in the salad crisper no matter how thoroughly I clean it, even on an hourly basis.

- No matter how airproof my cheese container is cheddar ALWAYS goes orange and brittle at the edges the moment I close the fridge door.

- The most messy / expensive thing in the fridge migrates to the very front so that when I open the door it falls out and goes all over the floor and causes me heartache.

- Sometimes I hear it chuckling evilly as I walk past.

OK. The final point isn't quite true. But that's irrelevant. I have enough evidence already.

Is it just my fridge, where ever I live in the world, that gets possessed or does any one else have this demonic presence in their kitchen?

What are we to do about this menace? I'm sure the local vicar isn't willing to stop poking boys up the bum to come and bless my fridge and I'm pretty sure I wouldn't want him near my food anyway. I'm at a loss.

Suggestions welcome.

Oh. And I'm sure he's short circuited the lighting thing so the light stays on when I close the door - how do I check? Again, suggestions welcome.