Random rants, some pictures and stuff.

Australian radio is very funny. I can't get over the way they swear all the time. And the ad's are funny too. I heard this one earlier:

Voice over man #1 (an obvious customer in a food shop): "Hi mate, can I order some breakfast please?"
Voice over man #2 (obvious careless server in food shop) : "Yeah mate, what would you like? I'll just chat with my mate while you place your order ok?"
Vom1: "I'd like some eggs, undercooked - extra salmonella on those, some bacon, burnt to a crisp..."
Vom2: "Yeah, no worries mate, our chef is ruining your breakfast as we speak..."
Vom1: "Oh! And the guy behind me wants something totally different, could you mix up our orders please?"
Vom2: "No worries mate, take a seat and after 10 minutes you'll realise I've not taken your order and you'll have to repeat it"
Voice Over Man #3: "Breakfast doesn't have to be this difficult. Just go to McDonalds. Drive thru's now open at...."

It's an amusing ad, shame it's for Mc Donalds.

The other one that made me laugh/shocked me was one promoting family life. Honestly. This bloke comes on and says something like:

"Alright mate? Had a hard days slog? Well, lots of other Australian blokes are just like you. But think about this. Your wife has spent the whole day looking after the kids, cleaning the house and cooking your dinner. She's not been working as such, but the stuff she does can be tough too.

Perhaps when you come home tomorrow you could do something to help her? Don't just ask her what needs doing, she'll say "nothing". Look for things that need doing. Perhaps you could wash the dishes? Perhaps the floor needs vacuuming? Look for something you can do to help her.

If you don't want to do anything so tiring perhaps you could talk to her? After a day with the kids she'd probably love some adult conversation. Instead of dozing in your easy chair, try it. Families are better when everyone helps. For more helpful hints visit www.families.org.au"

Shit! Are Aussie blokes really that slobbish? Perhaps they are because yesterday I walked into a florist to buy TT some flowers. The woman asked why I wanted them, she asked what I'd done wrong. When I said I'd done nothing wrong she replied "Well, most blokes think it's nothing, but what's made her cross?" When I explained that TT wasn't cross, I just wanted to buy some flowers because I love her, she looked very confused. "We don't do 'I love you' bouquets" she said....

Bah. If I ever need reminding to do something around the house please shoot me because I've obviously been taken over by some sort of alien entity. I cook, clean, buy flowers, ask my girl about her day, and spend the rest of my time earning money and wondering what else I can do to make her life happier. Is that odd? I don't think so, I think that's what's called love.

Any man that needs that advert is unlikely to be driving a car during rush hour, he's more likely to be sleeping in his cave, going on a quest for fire, or watching an ug-woman polish his club or something...

What else? Um. I was late delivering the hire car back. But it was ok, british accent does wonders with Aussie girls. I just put a plum in my throat, (sorry, British slang for "talking posh innit?") and look innocent/confused. The "looking innocent" is always tough but the "looking confused" bit I find simple.

I'm perplexed by human behaviour at pedestrian crossings. Why do people always approach the crossing (already filled with loads of other people already waiting) and press the button? Do they think all the other people waiting are spastics with an inability to press the fucking thing themselves? Or perhaps we look like we enjoy standing at the kerbside watching cars? It pisses me off. If you ever see me waiting paitiently at a pedestrian crossing please don't come along and press the button or I may be unable to supress my urge to slap your wrist and humiliate you in public.

I don't think anyone reading this would do that though. If you've got the intellectual ability to turn on a computer, find this webpage and read it, you're unlikely to go and press a button at a pedestrian crossing with a hoard of people stood waiting to cross. I hope. Please don't let me down now.

I went to a spice shop earlier. I love cooking and my particular favourite is cooking indian food. I used to have a friend called Maz and he ran a curry house. He taught me loads and the only downside is that I call all spices by their punjabi names. As I've only just moved here my kitchen is(was) sadly lacking in spice.

When we were in the supermarket yesterday TT suggested buying some stuff but I declined on the grounds that asian shops are much cheaper than supermarkets. In the supermarket the spices were all in 25g containers and cost at least $2 each. Today I bought 200g bags at $1.50 each!

I bought (hmm, hang on, english names now, come on brain, work damn you!) Turmeric, Garam, Mustard seeds, fenugreek, chilli, paprika, allspice, chinese 5 spice, cardamon pods, cinnamon, lump of ginger, chilli sauce, and some other stuff. It came to $20.95. In a supermarket it would have cost at least $60. Bargain.

The lady in the shop said "Jeez fella! You're stocking up, eh?" I replied that I'd only just moved here and needed to stock my kitchen. She replied "You're from north Queensland aren't you? I can tell any accent, me...." She looked a little puzzled when I said "No mate, I'm a pom, fresh from Britain". But I did say that bit in my best aussie accent just for added puzzlement. Yeah, I'm a bastard.

Here's something a little different, some pics of me and my friends in the UK. I know they're mainly girls but don't think bad of me. You know I love TT, it's not my fault I have an uncanny ability to attract lesbian friends....

That's LB on the right knee and LB's girlfriend on the left one. I'm a tart...



C and V. See, not all my friends hug me all the time....



Me being a slut, again. The one on the left is the one that gave me my first "going away" card which made me emotional. Next to her, looking at me closely is LB, the one to the right is M, the one on my/our laps is H. This was taken at my "leaving" party.

My connection here is slow today, so I'll post more another day.