Burnt sausages anyone? If you can't stand the heat, don't be the kitchen bitch...

In lieu of a crap joke, here's one of those optical illusion twinges. Incase you've been in the dark ages for an eon, just look at the dots between the squares. Not that dot, the other one! The black one! The white one! You'll see, bet you can't keep your eye on one of them....

Today was probably the worst day to post that image, I can't keep my bloody eyes on the bloody words with that thing flashing away. A more intelligent person would have inserted it at the end. So to speak...

Excuse the double-entendre, this afternoon has just left me a master of them. I slept most of the morning, still catching up on sleep missed last week.

Although I woke up at about 8am I dozed for most of the morning. I only got properly woken at about midday when my sis called me. She had a panic on, she'd just discovered that her daughter, my niece, had some homework to do. She's only 7! I didn't get homework to do until I was 12!

My sis's internet connection is down and she urgently needed a picture of the Cypriot flag, and lots of facts about Cyprus. And she kindly told me that I had half an hour to deliver. Don't you just love family?!

I really struggled to find facts for a 7yr old. Finding out the gross national purchasing power of Cyprus is easy. Average birth rate per population of 1000? Easy. Drug trafficking capabilities? Easy - hash-hish transit, very minor cocaine stop over point. These facts are easy, but try finding something that'll be interesting to a 7yr old or her teacher and it's much harder!

I've visited Cyprus many times though, so I printed off a copy of the flag and then wrote loads of facts on myself. I also dug out some stamps and currency for her. I'm not a bad uncle really.

I then went off to the BBQ. I was the first to arrive which absolutely must be a first. It was hosted by a girly called E. E is the current girlfriend of my lesbian friend, LB. (It must seem that I spend all my time at lesbian BBQ's, but I assure you, it's only weekends...!)

The BBQ was in the aide of another girly friend, let's call her M. It was her 29th birthday, she's getting old eh?! Anyhoo. I was first to arrive so borrowed LB's car and popped down the shop to buy some vodka and a birthday card for M. I'm not very inventive when it comes to birthday presents.

By the time I got back some of their other friends had turned up: Helen, Emma (Not real name, her real name is so weird I can't use it anonymously), Amy, Vicky, Naomi and Carla. Bloody hell. That lot + my two lesbian friends and the centre of attention, M. 9 girlies in total. 1 other boy besides me. Hmmm.

Three of the girls already have children so there were three boisterous under 6's running around the place playing football. Quote of the avo was from Emma: "Being around all these kids is the best contraceptive ever...." LOL! I can relate to that!

Someone had a little bit of smoke so I indulged in a quick toke (away from the kids of course) It was a wonderfully sunny avo so a nice experience all round. The only downside was that they arranged another party. Today was completely day time and social - I've now been invited to one of their "proper" parties on thursday next.

Today they were sober-ish. I still managed to get a slapped arse a couple of times, 3 kisses and loads of hugs. At the planned one the goal is to get drunk and sleep over. Getting drunk with 9 girls at a sleepover? Er. Don't think so. I love tt to pieces so there is no way I'm putting myself in that situation! I had trouble defending myself today.

I think I went wrong by being kitchen bitch. The girls seem to like a boy that does the washing up, cleaning, serving drinks, etc. I'll have to be a more boyish boy and tell them to f#ck off next time...

Incase anyone was silly enough to wonder, of course I done nothing, tt is my girlfriend and while it was fun to flirt, that was all that happened.