Butter paws

I just got of the phone to a friend in the UK. She's being forced to move house because she rents and the owners want to move back in. Ironically I received the exact same news about my own place here in Aus yesterday. My owners are hoping to move back in before Christmas. My UK friend has been given until the 28th of December. How ironic is that?

Anyhoo, I'm relatively unphased by my news, I figure I'll just move somewhere else. It's no biggy. She however is really worried about her cat and how it will affect him. When she told me her concerns about him getting lost if she moves I suggested putting butter on his paws.

I don't know why I said this. I've never owned a cat but I'm certain that's the modus operandi for moving a cat isn't it? For some reason that just seems like embedded knowledge to me. I've no idea why or how I would know this but I'm sure it's right?

She had never heard of such a thing and started demanding explanations as to why on earth she should butter his paws. To this I had no obvious answer. Perhaps it makes the paws so slippy the cat will be too busy skidding into walls and stuff to actually leave the house? Assuming this is the case perhaps another healthier oil could be used instead? Maybe you could spray your cat with extra virgin olive oil?

What will the new landlord think of you as a new tenant when your moggy leaves greasy paw prints all over the curtains, carpet and sofa? Who'd think that moving a pussy could spawn all these questions in my head when I don't even have one? Perhaps I'm entirely wrong and I'm just mixing up "moving cats" and "roasting a chicken" in my weird head. But I'm sure the "moving cat" thing doesn't involve stuffing sage and onion up the poor things arse.