Smoking polar bears. Don't read unless you're very bored...

One day this baby polar bear say to his mother, "Mum, am I a polar bear?" She replies "Of course you are son" and gets on with cleaning the igloo or whatever polar bears do. Baby bear goes to his father and says "Dad, Am I a polar bear?" and father replies "Your mother and I made you, you're definitely a polar bear" and gets on with nailing a fish to the wall or some other bear-DIY. The baby bear then goes to see his grandpa bear - "Grandpa, mum and dad both say I'm a polar bear. Are they lying to me?" Grandpa says: "No of course not, you're 100% polar bear. Why do you think they're lying?" Baby bear says "Because I'm fucking FREEZING!"

Sorry Nat. I've gone a couple of days without a crap joke and I've had such a boring day I'm struggling for content! Did you know that polar bears are the only animal that don't drink water? I guess this is because it's all frozen?

I watched a TV programme about polar bears tonight and I was surprised to see that they were all yellow coloured rather than white. I conclude that the featured bears all smoke very heavily.

After the excitement of that I went round to M's house with a bottle of vodka. She didn't have any coke so we tried:

Vodka and Ribena: This was a hit
Vodka and coffee: This was good too, but it reminded us both of having 'flu
Vodka and homemade wine: suicidally strong stuff. Puts hairs on your chest
Vodka and milk: yeew. Don't try this. Ever.

We then watched Blazing Saddles, the spoof western. Strangely enough it was all blurry so we talked about sex instead. Pretty dull day, sorry about that.