Someone put something in my wine that made me dizzy....

It's not been an overly exciting day but I've got some stuff to blabber about. Yesterday I told you I was near Manchester to man a stand at a show/exhibition. And I'd forgotten lots of stuff.

Well, yesterday was a Sunday so I couldn't do much about most of the things but I knew today would consist of a busy morning to try and get everything sorted before show-opening.

I realised I couldn't really do much about the lack of lights. Perhaps carrot sticks in place of our usual chocolates would improve night vision?

Blanking boards to cover untidy mess of PC's and cables: Ha Ha! A cunning plan had formed immediately. All we needed was something that would cover a gap of 1m x 4m. How hard could it be? I went to the Travel Inn and checked in, then we had this little discussion:

Me: Excuse me mate, but do your beds have quilts on all year round?
Reception Man Bitch: Hmmm? Well...Yes. People like to have a quilt on their bed, generally speaking....
Me: Ah. Well, I'm not keen. I find them too warm. Could I have a large sheet to sleep under instead please?
RMB: That won't be a problem sir, I'll get one taken up to your room straight away. Is there anything else I can help you with?
Me: Erm. A pair of very sharp scissors and some drawing pins would help, but I suppose that's a bit beyond the remit of your service?
RMB: Oh no sir, not a problem at all. So long as you can return the scissors when you've finished with them?
Me: [snigger] That wont be a problem at all mate, g'night....

It turned out in the end they had no scissors available for loan so this morning began with a trip around the nearest trading estate. I went to Tesco and bought giant scissors and power sockets. I also realised I'd forgotten my phone charger so I bought a generic one (about 1000 different bloody adapters) for £6. Bargain eh? Now my mates can charge their phones when they come over too coz I have adapters for every model. I challenge someone to bring a phone I can't charge with my super-dooper Tesco multi-charger....

The scene at the stand was funny. Our company aren't a world-known brand or anything, but we do have a good, and very professional, reputation. You can imagine the looks on the faces of other exhibitors when my colleague and I blatantly produced a stolen bed sheet from my laptop bag and started hacking it into strips with our new scissors in front of everybody about 10 mins before the show opened.

I was chief-hacker, and he was chief-pinner, attaching these strips of sheet to the front of the stand to curtain the offending PC's. We got a fit of giggles at the looks we were getting, so from that point on the shreds of cloth had a "wavy" effect.

The only thing we couldn't do anything about was the lack of sales brochures for one of our products. So I elected that we wouldn't promote that particular product at this show. Sorted.

After the initial humourous start to the day it actually turned out pretty dull. The show wasn't that well attended and we spent most of the day with our thumbs up our arses. Metaphorically speaking. Bored.

When the show closed at five there was a party for exhibitors, as is usual at these things. However, what wasn't usual was the fact they expected us to sit around and watch a presentation about the hosting city before we got our free beer. Bollocks to that.

My colleague and I objected loudly until a serving wench told us we could have a bottle of wine so long as we stayed out of the way of the city presentation and kept the noise down. It seemed like a reasonable offer so we accepted it! The someone must have put something in one of the many subsequent glasses of wine cos something definately made me dizzy...

We watched a funny show on TV tonight. It was one of those reality TV programmes, and this one was about cosmetic surgery on "girl-bits". The first part of the show was a consultant interviewing this blonde bimbo:

Consultant Man: "So Miss X, You're here because you've thought about having your genitalia cosmetically improved?"
Blonde Bimbo: "Eh? What? Is this the place to get me pussy looked at?"
CM: "Yes, Miss X, we offer a variety of surgical procedures to cosmetically adjust your most personal areas. Sometimes this is to address trauma caused by accidents, sometimes it's-"
BB: "Can you make me pussy tighter then?"
CM: "Erm, we offer procedures to both increase and decrement the size of the labia if that's-"
BB: "Wicked! Can I see some photos to choose style I want?!"
CM: "We usually prefer the patient to tell us exactly what, and why, they would like any particular procedure so that we may advise accordingly before-"
BB: "Wicked! Can you take 'alf an inch of me pussy mound an' all?"
CM: [shrugs andconcedess]

The interview had made me laugh, but then my colleaguee (Who's only 19 or 20) turned to me with an entirely straight face and said: "Why would a woman want her labia reduced? I mean, it's hardly a concern unless it looks like Dumbo's fucking ears....."

I'm sorry, but that just made me laugh.

We turned off the station the moment it got to knife/surgeon scenes. That was cringey-horrible.