I'm a freak beacon

Some people are just freaks. That shit happens - it's probably not their fault, just an unfortunate result of family members having sex with one another or something like that. But why do they always want to talk to me?!

There must be something about me that makes these people want to talk to me. I think it's probably genetic because it happens to my mother too.

Last night was a prime example. I went to a shop to buy some beer and as soon as I walked in I could hear someone singing. Not drunken singing, just a weirdo singing "tra la la, tra la la, dah de dah de dah...." or something like that to themselves - a pretty average freak.

I went to the beer aisle and started browsing. Suddenly this weirdo was stood next to me. "Try this one!" he suggested, offering me a bottle of some ale from the shelf. "Er, I don't drink ale, but thanks anyway..." I reply. He just beams at me and says "What do you drink? I'll help you" I reply that I prefer cider and politely decline his offer.

In fact, he's so weird looking that I decide I'll buy some sweets for the girlies first instead to give him a chance to leave the beer section. I wander to the sweet aisle. I pick up some Maltesers, some Caramel crunch, Bounty, etc. I was just looking for a Milky Way when suddenly weirdo appears again.

"Oh! There you are! I've got these for you - I've tried them and they're really nice!" he beams and offers me some Spar Extra-strength white cider. The stuff that tramps and bums drink because it's incredibly cheap and high in alcohol. It's vaguely apple flavoured anti-freeze.

I politely decline his offer again and move quickly to another part of the shop. He's now wandering aimlessly around the store with tramp-juice cider so I rush to the beer section, grab some proper cider and head for the check-out.

I know there's nothing remarkable about this story, but I'm just amazed about the way it always happens to me. Almost daily some weirdo will do something like that to me. Does my body release a pheromone that's attractive to weirdos or something like that? Why are freaks attracted to me?!