'tis the day of weirdos

Israeli man
Things have been really relaxed at the office this week. Well, since I started really, but now it's getting so laid back it's close to horizontal. I realised I'd done nothing about the double charge for TTs dress so the manager kind-of-person here just told me to go to the Bank, Myer Centre, or wherever I needed to to get it sorted. So I did. Went to the bank first and they told me to go to the Myer centre. As I was walking through the mall, I was suddenly grabbed by an Israeli man:

IM: [Grabs my shoulder] "You sir! I have free thing for you to try!"

Me: [Glares] "I'm on my way work! I'm late!" (Yeah, I lied)

IM: "Oh, you work, the stress. You need some time with the dead sea"

Me: [Thinks - aaah. Some free holiday con] "Been there, done that"

IM: "That's perfect, did you swim in the sea?"

Me: "Yep"

IM: "So you know it's 80% minerals and that's probably why Jesus walked on it?"

Me: "Ummm"

IM: "I have here some minerals from the dead sea, hold out your hand"

Me: [Holds out hand]

Im: [shakes some sort of powder stuff all over my hands] "Ladies and Gentlemens! Look, This young man will demonstrate the wonderful powers of these minerals!"

Me: "eh?"

Im: "These minerals have wonderful healing properties! Jesus walked on this sea! Healing! Power! Blah Blah" [he went on for about two minutes while rubbing the stuff into my hands] "And now 'ere I 'ave {yep, he turned french} some water straight from the Dead Sea! I will spray it onto the young mans hands and he will feel the change!"

Me: "You're gonna what with what? And I'm gonna what?!"

Crowd: [titters]

Im: [Squirt, Squirt] (with a bottle I hasten to add)

Me: "Eeeeeewww! It's gone all slimey!"

Im: "How does that feel? Tell us!"

Me: "It's made my hands feel ultra greasy and slimey. It's disgusting. And I smell like a transvestite. Do you have a towel please?"

Crowd: [Laughs and instantly begins to dissipate]

Im: "You want to buy some?"

Me: [Glares]


Anti smoking fat man
I was having a smoke in a carpark outside work. A hugely obese man wheezed up to me and said "Smokings not allowed at this end of the car park. You have to go to the other end" I wouldn't have minded if I was in the wrong, but I'm a very considerate smoker. I almost never smoke in public, only in very open places such as carparks. And I was at the correct end, he was directing me to the end near the gates of the school where smoking is banned for obvious reasons. I was done anyway so I walked off. But I was then reminded of that quote by some famous comedian. I don't remember who it was but I remember some comedian saying something like "Where's it going to end? I never go up to a fat person in the street and say, 'Hey! Stop eating that donut, it's not acceptable in public!'"


Green girl
I went to the store and bought a few things to help cook dinner (Ingredients, not slaves). I only had a couple of items. The girl on check out asked if I wanted a bag and I said no, because they would fit in my back pack. She responded with "That's wonderful! Thank you so much! I'll tell Mother Earth and she'll be thankfull too!"

You get some strange people eh?