Ooops I did it again...

TT is angry with me. I don't know why really. I'll tell you about what happened over the weekend and if anyone would like to offer comments / questions you're more than welcome.

On Friday I was mega busy at work. We tried to release an update of the database and it didn't go as smoothly as planned. Martin and Paul were throwing their dummies at one another and arguing over who had the biggest collection of used bus tickets or something. I ignored them and tried to work around them and then they ganged up on me. Not wise. I got my bit of the job done just as they started trying to tie me down in red tape.

Paul: "You can't do that! It's not passed Testing Form 23RT4ZY Part ii!"

Me: "Give me the form, I'll sign it"

Paul: "But are you authorised?"

Me: "Sure. Go find your form"

Martin: "We cannot issue you a Form 23RT4ZY Part ii until you've completed Part i!" [sneers triumphantly]

Me: "Fetch me both forms, I'll sign them, and then I'm going for a beer. Run along now"

Paul: "Ooooooh! You've enabled the gateway authentication on the citrix controller box!"

Me: "Would I? I don't even like orange juice. Besides, that's your problem, not mine. I've done my task"

I was waiting for them to go and fetch teacher when my phone rang. It was TT asking if I minded her going out with her friend to another friends house tonight. I said that was fine. I hoped she was coming home first as she knew the night before and that morning I'd been preparing to make her favourite dinner and if my oven programming was correct it would in fact be cooking by now. I didn't mention it though because I needed to get off the phone to stop the geek war.

I went home, dinner was doing well. We ate, TT went out with her friend. I went out on my own, I'm fine with that. I must admit I had a fairly outrageous time but that's for later, no one that knows me knows anything about that so it's not part of this story. I got back about 2am because TT usually gets home about 3am.

I sat outside and listened to the radio and chilled until she got home. At 5am. I didn't mind. Sure, I was worried about her being gone so long, but I knew she was with trustworthy friends so I just sat and waited. We went to bed. I got up at about 10am and I knew she wouldn't surface for at least a few hours so I headed out.

I also decided (slightly childishly I guess) that I would go back later this avo, grab some sleep to catch up and then go out to the same place I went last night again. About 3pm I got an SMS saying "You could have left a note saying where you are". Nothing else. No asking where I was, no Love You, and I'd not even done my childish thing yet!

As planned I went home and set my alarm for 9pm. TT hadn't spoken to me once since my return. I'd said to her "Sorry I didn't leave a note, I figured you'd call me when you woke up?" to which she hadn't responded. I fell asleep about 5pm, woke up at 9, washed, went out. TT didn't ask where I was going or what I was doing.

The place was crap compared to the previous night so I headed home about midnight. She was already in bed asleep. But she had done the washing up for the first time in several weeks which pleased me. In fact, it had only been earlier that week that I'd mentioned that doing all the shopping, preparation, cooking, serving, washing up, cleaning, washing, drying, ironing, bins, etc myself was a tad unfair and that it would be nice to hear a "Thank you" occasionally. (She'd responded with "Well, you should stop wiping my arse for me then" which kind of made sense)

On sunday we got up, I thanked her for doing the washing up. She muttered a response. We got showered and went to do the shopping. That went fine, we chatted normally. When we got back home she dropped the dreaded line "We need to talk".

She then went on to tell me that she's not overly happy with our relationship and that it doesn't seem right. She said we should do the South America thing and then consider some time apart upon return. After some silence, some conversation, some tears, we somehow ended up making love.

The rest of the day passed as normal.

I'm writing this in retrospect of course, it was a few days ago now, so I've had some time to consider. I still have no idea. If she's serious about splitting up when we come back from South America then I'd rather not go. I'd rather stay here and earn money for an extra 4 / 5 weeks.

I've decided that hopefully it was just a pent up emotion thing, we have been seeing no one other than one another for a long time now and even I can find that frustrating. We're both in need of a holiday. We've always had wonderful times travelling together before so I don't want this to be any different.

I've doubled my efforts at getting fitter for the South American thing. Situps and push ups at 5am every morning, lots of activity around the house and in the garden. Shifting furniture for no reason other than to clean. No alcohol. Etc.

Since that day we've not mentioned it and I really hope that we will have such a great time together in SA that we don't mention it again. We've planned Valentines since, we're going on a river cruise, but more of that later too.

All I can do is be the best person I can, myself, from now until we get back from South America. If after over a month of being together and travelling she feels that there's a problem then I'll have to make the ultimate sacrifice and set her free. Even though just typing it is making me very emotional. I'll cross the bridge if I come to it, for now I pray we wont. But for now, I'll practise as I preach - don't be afraid, regret and worry are wasted emotions, don't ever lose a challenge if it means something to you....And as you're all aware, this particular girly doesn't mean something, she means everything to me. That means I'll do anything.