I'm packing. Really I am. Gradually.

If you're anything like me you'll do anything to postpone the chore of packing. I've washed everything that can be washed. I've hoovered everything suckable (almost). I even finally checked out the direction of the water flow in Australia (It's 100% defo anti(counter)-clockwise)

New neighbours have moved in this morning, and they have already given me a "LOOK" kinda like you'd give something that's just climbed out from under a rock.

This could be cos I've been up all night thinking up good reasons to postpone packing. And to use everything possible from fridge and freezer I whizzed up some cuc, toms, chilis, teeny garlic and vodka to use up my basil ice cubes. Bloody maries at 7.30am? I am your man, man. Values!`

S is coming to take me to the airport shortly so I really must get on with packing that bag. And joy of joy, she's gonna kick my arse in Jan when I return. Why? Cos when she reads this she'll realise I was serious about not packing yet....

Speaks to ya all soon my preciousies. If you hear about a Qantas plane stacking en route to UK then please give money to your fave charity - flowers blow :)

Maybe give you's all an update from Singa, I'm sure something exciting will have happened by then.

You came, you saw, you waited....

...now be dissapointed with the wait.

I promised you photos to go with this story. As it's christmas I wont go back on my word. Consider it a gift. Sorry I couldn't get planned photo of victim with them in same shot. Look at these beauties and imagine them at A2 size......And the look on his face when he finally saw them.

I'm going to be dead famous

Guess what?!

I've had a sneak preview of Stick Steven 2008! And I'm a star in it! I actually feature in SS2008! The master artist Vuboq cas captured me perfectly, even down to the keg of beer I managed to buy while out looking for postage stamps. Ok, it wasn't a keg, but it was a tinny on steroids and really did almost reach waist height. And later added further waist girth.

So that's why I'm gonna be famous. And I'm gonna be dead cos:

Behold, as I present to you, before it's official release, Stick Steven 2008!

Scroll down, you know you want to be one of the lucky first.....













































Well, a very little bit of it. Part of March in fact.....

Ignore Mush, she's just trying to get in on the glory ;) Look, she's not even got her ever present camera phone cos she just rushed over with her martini to get in on the action..... x

The speaker phone wank

Our new cubicle land is split down the middle. Upon my insistance our half of cubicle land is not cubicles, we're open plan - I like to communicate when I'm not sleeping.

The other half of our domain is cubicled and the boss over there love taking calls on speaker phone. If he needs to piss he asks the caller to hold, transfers the call to his moby and puts THAT on speaker to resume his loud convo as he wanders the building.

My boss is too gutless to say anything even though all of us moan like buggery about it.

My boss is off this week.

I has resolved the problem. Photo's tomorrow me friends.....

Steaming

I am. I really fucking am.

Three reasons.

a) Earlier some dude tried to beat up on a chick outside my house which meant I had to get involved with the cowardly cunt

b) An ex from UK who was always pyscho has become even more so since discovering I'm returning over Kritmas. She's driving me fucking nuts with continual sms's.

c) The rep from body corp just came over at 4am and told me it wasn't expected for residents to be up at this time of day. Fucking E X C U S E M E!

All of the above are very lucky to not have snapped jaws. Cunts. Every fucking one of them.

Please leave alone and do not approach for at least 3 days or you may accidentally get it.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Cleaner

I looked with some degree of disgust at the state of my bathroom floor last night.

"Why don't you clean more often?" I asked myself

"Cos you don't have a mop you ugly fucktard" I smuggly reply to myself

"Bullshit man, you bought one months ago and haven't actually taken it out of the ute yet have ya?" I argued back

Today at work they asked whether I could increase my weekly quota of hours. I dont actually have a drama with that. I do what I want, when I want anyway so a new peice of paper with more $ on the bottom is good with me.

Then the genius hit me:

"Oh. No problem. But 50 hours a week will leave me even less time for house work, washing, ironing etc...."

I can do bargaining. My cleaner starts upon my return in the new year. Woot!

meme thingy

Got bored doing the colour thing. Thanks Ms Dyko.

JANUARY
1. Who kissed you on new years?
Everyone that could.

2. Did you have a New Year’s Resolution this year?
Narp. Well. Yarp. To not break a New Year's Revolution. I've not turned around all year. Winner!

3. Does it snow where you live?
Narp

4. Do you like hot chocolate?
Narp. Spew.

5. Have you ever been to Times Square to watch the ball drop?
Narp. Not into watching balls dropping.

FEBRUARY
1. Who was your Valentine?
My palm

2. When you were little did you buy Valentine’s for the whole class?
Shit man, NO!

3. Do you care if the groundhog sees its shadow or not?
I care so little an electron microscope could not picture the quark of care I have.

4. What did you receive for Valentine’s Day?
Ummmm. A bitchy sms

MARCH
1. Are you Irish?
To be sure.

2. Do you like corned beef and cabbage?
Nah, hospital food sucks.

3. What did you do for St Patrick’s Day?
Cooked VUBOQ breakfast in bed.

4. Are you happy when winter is pretty much over?
Shit yeah

APRIL
1. Do you like the rain?
Yarp

2. Did you play an April Fool’s joke on anyone this year?
Yarp. Daily.

3. Do you get tons of candy for Easter?
Narp. Spew.

4. Do you celebrate 4/20?
Man, what the hell is a 4/20? Is that like CB Radio code? "Control, we've got a 10-100 going on at 4/20" Control: "10-4 Wank 1, over out"

5. Do you love the month of April?
's right 'spose.

MAY
1. What is your favorite flower?
Lillies. Yes. Really. I have a special tool just for them.

2. Finish the phrase “April showers…”
"April showers....Get in on all the hot steamy action at www.pervy-shower-cams.com"


3. Do you celebrate May 16th: National Piercing Day?
Narp.

4. Is May anything special to you?
I'd be quite sad if I didn't see another.

JUNE
1. What year did/will you graduate from high school?
I was flung from the gates in 1994

2. Did you do anything fun during this Month?
Yarp

3. Have a favorite baseball team?
Narp

JULY
1. What did you do on the 4th of July?
Called C. It's his b'day.

2. Did you go to the fireworks?
Weren't any

3. Did you blast the A/C all day?
ACDC?

4. Did you go on vacation?
Prolly

AUGUST
1 What was your favorite summer memory of ‘08?
It's just starting here

2 Did you have a sunburn?
Get real

3 Did you go to the pool a lot?
Narp

4 Were you ready for school at all?
Narp

SEPTEMBER
1 Are you attending school?
Narp

2 Do you like fall better than summer?
Narp

3 What happened this month?
How long you got?

OCTOBER
1 What was your last Halloween costume?
Jeans + T

2 What is your favorite candy?
One that is really useful. Swiss-army-candy. Or clockwork-phone-charger-candy.

3 What was your favorite thing(s) about this month?
Samhain

NOVEMBER
1 Whose house do you go to for Thanksgiving?
Mine

2 What are you thankful for?
Teh interwebz

3 Do you love stuffing?
Mate, more than you could imagine.

4 Anything special in this month?
Lots. If you dont have special things every day you're a waste of a skin.

DECEMBER
1 Do you celebrate Christmas?
I celebrate the season.

2 Have you ever been kissed under the mistletoe?
Yarp

3 Get anything special last year?
Yarp

4 What do you want next year?
Another year

5 What do you love most about December?
sep means 7, oct means 9, nov means 9, dec means 10. December is the biggest lying month of all. Woot.

Uk Kritmas trippy experience

I've put a thingy over there

<----------------

That should show current plans which I'll try and keep up-to-date-ish.

The roman fort thingy is about an occasional reader that lives near there if she fancies a meetup. I could bring me Nads as you enjoyed linking to them?

The Bro Trip II - Revenge of the Irish

So, in Ireland it rains lots, in Brisbane it doesn't. Right? Wrong. Sort off.

As he was obvious missing the Irish drizzle bro decided to do a rain dance or something to bring some rain to us. He's obviously very good at it. On Sunday Brisbane encountered it's worse storm in 30 years. Over half a $1bn clean up bill. If you're interest and know me personally leave a comment and I'll email you some video footage.

We had been up the coast a little ways, to S's old place, with the intent of continuing to Mt Mee. It looked a little stormy so we decided to bolt for home. As we arrived in Brissy it was 4pm and so dark we needed headlamps to see to drive - about the same as 6pm on a normal day.

We went to the bottlo to grab some beers and thats when it hit us. Marble sized hail, torrential rain, 100kph gusts of wind. It's not wise to have your vehicle outside in this weather so wanted to get us down the road 200m to my house. We done that and then as the weather was too bad to get from the covered park area to the house we just sat in the back of the ute watching the storm. Rather an impressive display.

Our further research to this shows that Brissy does on average have a higher annual rainfall that Ireland. But Ireland has over 100 more rainy days than Brissy. So the conclusion is that when it rains in Brissy it puts Ireland to shame. But it doesn't do it often.

On Monday bro went off to the Urwin zoo and enjoyed his day. I worked. Well, you know, that thing I do at my office. Next day I worked a half day then we flew 2000 km to Cairns and got pissy in the pub next door to the hotel.

Next day we took the Skyrail - cable car up the mountain, 3 stops on way up with board walks at each. Hippy town and a pub at the top, train down to Cairns. However, it wasn't that simple. Bro also discovered the true meaning of rain forest. At the first stop a storm came in and the cable car was halted. Nothing but forest as far as the eye can see in every direction and incredible amounts of rain.

These "base stations" I should mention contain nothing but an information point and a rain forest walk. No seating, no food, nothing to do. They are however, covered, equipped with a smoko area and....well... that's it for plus points. The cablecars were stopped for 3 hours so we spent 3 hours being at the suicidal end of the boredom scale.

Actually, we are rather good at entertaining ourselves. After muttering piss takes about just about everyone else in the place to one another we decided to play championship level "I Spy". Despite him being a Dr I wooped his sorry hide with a cunning spying of a ferrule. Fortunately that was right near the end of the storm. Fortunate cos he sooked from that moment until the service resumed. Looser.

We both sniggered at the name of the pub at the top of the mountain "Irish Fanny" (Fanny has a different meaning outside US - look it up kids). In the evening we were plagued with power outs.

Next day we took a catamaran out to Green Island, a tiny rainforest island on the barrier reef. Then a glass bottom boat over the reef itself. We saw the laziest fish ever. It's evolved a sucker on the top of its head and sucks onto the glass of the boat for a tow out to the reef. There it fucks off, gets a feed, does it's fishy banking and whatever else, and then suckers back onto the boat for a ride back to the little port place. Had a walk around the island and then catamaran back and flight back to Brissy.

I worked Friday and I think bro went shopping. Yes, shopping.

On Saturday we went up to Mt Mee which has good look outs over to the glass house mountains.

Also on Saturday we went into the city to find the pub that I had "missed" while doing my induction walky around. It turns out the bastard place has closed down. The owners of the building wont renew the lease to the current people so they're looking for somewhere else to re-open. Shame as it was a nice place and had a self contained micro brewery which was always winning awards and shit.

On Sunday bro flew out again and I suddenly felt very bored and lonely which is unusual for me. Guess when you have someone living in the place for a couple of weeks and then revert back to empty it is strange.

Cheers for coming over bro, it was a hoot for me, pretty sure you enjoyed it, see ya again soon!

Really, I'm just too thoughtful

Forgot to mention. Tomorrow I'm off to top end. Hot end of aus. 40+c and 98% humidity. How nice. To a Rio Tinto site that will require me to wear a boiler suit, boots and safety. Real nice.

But my boss is coming with me. And he's already checked us in on line with adjoining seats. There was only one thing I could do tonight when I got home. Cook. Behold:

- Onion soup entree with toasted garlic bread and parmesan

- Chook Kiev with broad beans and brocolli

- Served with 3 tallies of XXXX Bitter.

Everyone will be able to share my gratitude but most especially my boss. Lucky man.

Smart? Sunshine?

The QLD state "motto" used to be "Queensland - the sunshine state". After we were appointed the skin cancer capital of the world the government changed it to "Queensland - The smart state"



When the motto was "Queensland - the sunshine state" the logo was this:

Now "Queensland - the smart state"s logo is:


Spot the difference? Too easy...

Solar Energy=


God zapping us with brainwaves=


Bed time. Nighty night.