I don't want to die changing a light bulb

TT tells me the bulb has blown in the bedroom and the ceiling is too high for her to reach it. She's only a little shorter than me so I doubt I'll be able to reach it either but it's already been put on my "to do" list. I can't believe I'm flying 10000 miles around the world and already a list of DIY tasks awaits me! If only she'd read about my recent efforts I'm sure she'd call in a professional.

I wonder how I'm going to do that though. The bed takes up most of the bedroom and it's not possible to move it enough to get step ladders near the bulb in the centre of the room. All I can think of at the moment is to put something on the bed to stand on. But what? I'm sure putting a chair on the bed will not be good for the mattress. And it's also likely to be about as stable as the mentality of a Glaswegian after 12 pints. And of course, being in the middle of the room there will be nothing to hold on to.

I suspect it will lead to falling and (with my luck in mind) breaking a leg or possibly my neck. And how embarrassing would that be? All her friends would be sniggering jokes like "How many poms does it take to change a light bulb?" and stuff like that.

Perhaps I'll wait for her to go to work and then call in someone to fix it for me and bask in the glory of being a DIY expert when she gets home. But even then, how would he do it? If I end up with a professional DIY man dead of a broken neck in the bedroom I'm sure questions would be asked. What a dilemma.

I've been to the theatre! How cultured eh? Starlight Express by Andrew Lloyd Webber was showing - it's the fastest show in the world apparently. I say 'apparently' because I didn't actually see the show, apart from the endy bit and I watched that on a large plasma screen in the bar.

In case you hadn't sussed I only went to the theatre to meet LB and friends because they are cultured and had paid a fortune to go and see it. They wanted to meet up for drinks afterwards, and rather than wait in a bar in my own to meet them I decided to meet them straight from the show.

It had a posh looking bar so I sat in there and watched the last ten minutes of the show on the big screen. The bar is open to the public so why would anyone pay for tickets when they could just sit there and watch it? The bar is immediately next door to the stage so you can hear the live music. What more would you need for a musical?

While writing this I've got the TV on in the background and there's a quiz show on. I think that this particular show must only accept people with very low IQs. Honestly, it's awful. One contestant has answered "Wales" to the last three questions. That may not be so bad if the questions were geography based, but one of her questions was "What is the primary ingredient of an omellete?" and she answered bloody Wales. How could she do that?! I think she must have been thinking of the Blackadder quote "thicker than a whale omellete"

I have learnt something from the quiz show. Apparently the group Run DMC started the trend of not having laces in trainers. I find that ironic somehow. It'd be bloody hard to run without laces in your trainers.

I caught the train to get to the city earlier and as I really surprised at the price of the ticket. The city is only one stop further down the line than the stop where LB lives. Usually a return ticket to LBs house is £3.30. However, a single, one-way ticket to one stop further is £4.40!

One stop further and I was onltravelingng one way and yet the ticket costs over 30% more? Robbing bastards. I asked how much a return rather than a single would be and apparently that would be £4.50. So it's only 10pence more to get the train back. Whoever drew up that pricing structure I wouldn't trust to draw my fucking curtains. In fact I wouldn't even let them near a wax crayon.

That wasn't then end of my train torment on this particular occasion. As I got off the train the lady that disembarked immediately before me dropped her more-than-ample luggage quota the moment she stepped onto the platform and started to look around her and casually pull out her mobile phone. Er hello? Would you mind not blocking the exit to the train madam? I hate it when that happens. The things that's even worse is when someone is greeted from the train by about 30 relatives who all form an immediate swarm around the door the person. Grrrr.

The evening was pretty good though, I really enjoyed seeing all my friends. It's been the best birthday I've had since the last one. The last one was with TT in Greece so that would take a lot of beating!

Anyhoo, I'd better go, my lack of sleeping this week means that bed is beckoning very loudly...